Page 34 | Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

IMustConfess · 2024-11-22T20:30:13+00:00

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners. Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama. When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them. This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here. When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate. Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

toomuchfaff · 11/12/2024 13:05

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

So after 33 pages of comments, you're doing exactly the opposite. You're doing yourself no favours whatsoever.

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them

She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion,

You could have just blocked her, months ago? Instead you do as she asks again and again and again. After 33 pages of people saying to do nothing, again you've done her bidding, like staff. She will ask again.

Codlingmoths · 11/12/2024 13:07

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

‘That sounds exactly like a property managers job. Re finding one I’ve never rented or managed a property so suggest you enquire at the real estate agents.

Tiredalwaystired · 11/12/2024 13:18

Drop her a line

”Hi neighbour, was just thinking after you contacted us about your freezer the other day. We can’t guarantee we will be available to sort things like this out. Here are the details of a local property management service. I recommend you get in touch with them as we don’t really have the time and headspace to make sure your property remains well managed.

Regards

Gloriia · 11/12/2024 14:58

toomuchfaff · 11/12/2024 13:05

So after 33 pages of comments, you're doing exactly the opposite. You're doing yourself no favours whatsoever.

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them

She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion,

You could have just blocked her, months ago? Instead you do as she asks again and again and again. After 33 pages of people saying to do nothing, again you've done her bidding, like staff. She will ask again.

Show quote history

It is puzzling isn't it! No-one has suggested being rude or unpleasant but it is just so inexplicable why the op and her dh keep doing this stuff. Just leave messages unread and carry on as if oblivious.

PorridgeEater · 11/12/2024 23:41

Did you / partner really need to video the roof? Could have said "looks alright to me but you'd probably best come and check for yourself " (or if it didn't look alright they need to deal with it). And you don't know any roofers (they're probably all busy anyway).
They can arrange their own window cleaner and pay online.
At least you could eat / distribute the contents of their freezer?

Sunnings · 12/12/2024 10:27

🙄

Mirabai · 12/12/2024 10:35

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

Booking a window cleaner is what she needs a house manager for…

No you don’t have any recommendations but they can ask in the village next time they’re down.

Caerulea · 12/12/2024 11:36

Lmfao, they wanted you to drive around looking for locals to take on the contents of their freezers?! HahahaHAHAHA what bellends!!

I do wonder if we are in the same part of the world cos we're still having power issues here with some villages fine, some streets fine etc.

There's been lots of posts on the fb groups of ppl offering freezer space, battery charging etc (inc businesses) & I'm trying to imagine the look on their faces should someone turn up with the contents of a second home owners freezer.

The entitlement really is hilarious!

ChanelBoucle · 12/12/2024 12:01

Op please don’t start googling local property management companies for her. She’s perfectly capable of doing it herself. Tell her to find her own way and stop allowing yourself to become enmeshed in her choices. She sounds a bit useless tbh.

Tiredalwaystired · 12/12/2024 13:22

Giving her a property agents details in this instance might lead to less work in the future though as she doesn’t take hints. It’s quite a final line. And then if she asks again you can refer her back to the co tact you sent and end the conversation there.

DowntonFlabbie · 12/12/2024 13:43

FishOnTheTrain · 22/11/2024 21:32

why can’t everyone just be kind? we’re all human beings just trying to live our lives.

if you don’t like your neighbours, that’s fine, you don’t have to invite them to things. If you do, then enjoy the time you spend together when they are visiting from London. Don't come on here bitching about them. I feel sorry for them.

FFS. Be kind? OP is kind. Her part time neighbour is not.
Why should OP allow herself to be used? You feel sorry for the neighbour because IP won't arrange and pay for the maintenance of her holiday home? Get a bloody grip. .

These be nice be kind be friendly posts are idiotic.

PorridgeEater · 12/12/2024 20:03

I think the title of this thread is inaccurate - neighbour doesn't so much want to be part of the community, what she really wants is a free homecare service. And in spite of all the advice on here OP is letting herself be used.

2Rebecca · 13/12/2024 07:12

I agree. The OP seems to want to moan on here and not tell her part time neighbour that her house is her house to look after and doesn't become the OP's problem because she only wants to stay there occasionally. She could say a clear "no" to any house related jobs she is asked to do not go out and actually do videos or whatever nonsense is suggested

LlynTegid · 13/12/2024 07:16

The person who suggested being kind and supporting the part-time neighbours presumably is happy to price homes out of reach of local people, or those working locally such as teachers, nurses, and those providing important or essential services.

Don't be a doormat OP.

MiamiWindMachine · 14/12/2024 12:15

2Rebecca · 13/12/2024 07:12

I agree. The OP seems to want to moan on here and not tell her part time neighbour that her house is her house to look after and doesn't become the OP's problem because she only wants to stay there occasionally. She could say a clear "no" to any house related jobs she is asked to do not go out and actually do videos or whatever nonsense is suggested

Yeah, she enjoys the moaning way more than she dislikes putting the heating on, letting the delivery man etc.. OP has clearly made “the incomer who got it right” her personality in this village, and these neighbours give her the perfect way show how superior she is.

Isatis · 14/12/2024 13:21

IMustConfess · 23/11/2024 09:22

Thank you, @Shellingbynight — you get it. Yes, every time there's a storm or snow or high winds I get a call asking me if everything's all right and would I go in and check for them. Last year they phoned me while I was away on holiday in Portugal before Christmas, asking me if I'd pop round and turn their water off at the mains because they could see from the weather forecast we were due a cold spell and they didn't want their pipes to freeze. She was 'Oh, we didn't know you were going to be away, that's disappointing. Now we'll worry about the place freezing...' as if I'd let them down by having a life of my own.

When they first moved here they used to ask me to go in a couple of hours before they were due to arrive to put the heating on for them. I have definitely feel like staff at times. I'm not great at hard nos, but I'm going to have to up my game.

You need to give them the number of local agents who manage properties for people and tell them they need to sort out with them arrangements for repairs, getting the house ready, and dealing with emergencies. Point out ever so sweetly that obviously they can't expect to rely on you as you have your own life, and that it will save them a lot of worry.

Ilikeadrink14 · 15/12/2024 16:49

Biffbaff · 22/11/2024 21:10

If second homers are so bad, why do locals keep selling their houses to them? Sell out or keep it local. You can't have it both ways.

That’s a bit of a strange question! People sell their houses to get as much money as they can. They don’t care who to!

Ilikeadrink14 · 15/12/2024 17:04

Rewis · 22/11/2024 21:49

My family has had a second home for 60 years jn an area where everyone else has their second home. We've only talked to the neighbours whe it is something practical with the road. I've always assumed the ourpose of a second property is to be a hermit and avoid people 😅

Are you serious?? Maybe I’m missing the joke here but if not, that is a very weird comment!

Nothungrycat · 15/12/2024 17:30

Deyjxh · 22/11/2024 22:21

Oh I intend to move to Frome, from London. I will live there; will I be welcome as an outsider?

Show quote history

Yes and no! If you get involved with community activities - there are loads - then most of us who are also relative newcomers will welcome you. However, there are many locals who don't like the "DFLs" because they have pushed up house prices to such an extent that they're out of reach of local people. They/we also patronise artisan coffee shops and the monthly Frome Independent market and are personally responsible for making sure that there are no decent shoe shops in Frome any more. I think the housing issue is very valid, the others much less so. It is generally a great place to live!

MiamiWindMachine · 15/12/2024 17:51

Ilikeadrink14 · 15/12/2024 16:49

That’s a bit of a strange question! People sell their houses to get as much money as they can. They don’t care who to!

Show quote history

I think the point is that it’s very easy to say that all second home owners are selfish and depriving locals of affordable homes, but not that many people are prepared to walk the walk and take a lower offer on their home in order to sell to a local.

It's like first time buyers complaining about BTL investors pushing up prices. When they want to move up the ladder and become second time buyers, they suddenly become remarkably unfussy about selling to them.

Ilikeadrink14 · 15/12/2024 17:57

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

Are you serious?? You did all that for her? In that case, you deserve the result. You are completely bonkers!
Get a backbone and tell her to get lost!

Deyjxh · 15/12/2024 18:38

Nothungrycat · 15/12/2024 17:30

Yes and no! If you get involved with community activities - there are loads - then most of us who are also relative newcomers will welcome you. However, there are many locals who don't like the "DFLs" because they have pushed up house prices to such an extent that they're out of reach of local people. They/we also patronise artisan coffee shops and the monthly Frome Independent market and are personally responsible for making sure that there are no decent shoe shops in Frome any more. I think the housing issue is very valid, the others much less so. It is generally a great place to live!

Show quote history

Thank you for your reply.
Trust me, I will be part of the community. As I am in London, I volunteer in many ways.
I moved to London in 1997 from the West country; when I move to Frome, I am sort of going home.

Biffbaff · 20/12/2024 00:57

Ilikeadrink14 · 15/12/2024 16:49

That’s a bit of a strange question! People sell their houses to get as much money as they can. They don’t care who to!

Show quote history

They don't HAVE to do that. They choose to. When I sell my house I won't necessarily sell to the highest bidder. I'd sell to a family over a landlord any day.

Twanky · 20/12/2024 01:02

LlynTegid · 13/12/2024 07:16

The person who suggested being kind and supporting the part-time neighbours presumably is happy to price homes out of reach of local people, or those working locally such as teachers, nurses, and those providing important or essential services.

Don't be a doormat OP.

Maybe local people should stop selling their properties to the incomers at a vast profit!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/12/2024 04:07

MiamiWindMachine · 15/12/2024 17:51

I think the point is that it’s very easy to say that all second home owners are selfish and depriving locals of affordable homes, but not that many people are prepared to walk the walk and take a lower offer on their home in order to sell to a local.

It's like first time buyers complaining about BTL investors pushing up prices. When they want to move up the ladder and become second time buyers, they suddenly become remarkably unfussy about selling to them.

Show quote history

Yes and I've known locally several people who have walked the walk... Taken a lower offer to badly paid locals... All very decent minded etc...

And in the three of the hour cases, the locals have rubbed their hands and sold on at massive profit within a year and moved elsewhere... All of these properties are now second homes...

So these people who have walked the walk have essentially just 'given' a £75k cash gift to a'deserving local family '..... The local family in question just held these socially conscious sellers as mugs!