To break with hair stylist over politics?

[momtoboys]

Please try to be kind, because as silly as this sounds I am very upset about this situation.

I am currently in the US and I have been going to the same woman who does my hair for 25 years. Over the years we have become friends but do not really see each other socially (occasionally talk on the phone, text, cook a meal when someone sick). We seem to have made this unspoken agreement that we would not discuss politics both knowing we are on opposite ends of the spectrum in our beliefs. The US has recently had a presidential election and the person elected is a VERY polarizing character. This is the person my hairstylist supports.

I had my hair done last night and it appears that since the election results our silent pact not to discuss politics has expired. She really wanted to talk about how much better the country will be and how smart the president elect is. I asked her to stop and that I didn't think we should discuss it but she kept on and then I went at her both barrels. we played the "well, what about THIS" game for a while each trying to outwit the other to prove our point. We were able to pull ourselves out of a terrible spiral and the last 1/2 hour of the appointment was fine. I hugged her goodbye which I normally don't do and I realized that was because I think that may be the last time I see her. I don't think I can go back. I still enjoy her as a friend but her support for this megalomaniac makes me think less of her. If this is the end do I call her and tell her why or just cancel my next appointment and just move on?

No one will be doing anything if this escalates. Because the world will be gone. However unappealing it might be, countries are going to have to dance with the devil to get any sort of conclusion to this. I dont want my family sacrificed on the alter of this war between Russia and Ukraine. I doubt Russia want to take over any other country, and had Ukraine been in Nato, this wouldn't he happening.

My hair stylist does such an amazing job on my hair that he'd have to be a literal serial killer before I stopped going to him and even then I'd want proof. Its taken me 30 years to find someone who can make my hair look as good as he does so it would take a lot for me to stop going to him.

That said, it's very likely that half the people you meet out and about have unpleasant political views, you just arent aware of them. To me, the issue isnt her views themselves - even though I personally disagree with them, its the fact its inappropriate for her to be wanging on bout them to her clients. I would shut the conversation down by saying simply you dont wish to discuss politics. There are millions of other less angry topics to discuss that there is just no need to be engaging in this on an appointment that is meant to be a treat and something pleasant.

@Livelovebehappy

"No one will be doing anything if this escalates. Because the world will be gone. However unappealing it might be, countries are going to have to dance with the devil to get any sort of conclusion to this. I dont want my family sacrificed on the alter of this war between Russia and Ukraine. I doubt Russia want to take over any other country, and had Ukraine been in Nato, this wouldn't he happening."

Putin has made it very clear he wants to expand control of countries around Russia and is widely believed to have been interfering in the recent Moldovan election.

I think you're extremely naive if you believe this ends with Ukraine.

Who is this polarising character you all speak of?
Is it Father Christmas?

Not according to the electorate.

YABU
Politics should never divide families or friendships, after all, we live in democracies where we are VERY lucky to have free speech. We are all entitled to our views.

But it’s not about her views, it’s about her behaviour.

I have two lovely friends with whom I separately fundamentally disagree about two separate political/philosophical issues. We just don’t talk about them.

If R started talking about God vs. atheists, or B about her views on a topic that we’re only supposed to discuss in a specific MN sub-forum, I wouldn’t want to spend time with them, and I expect they feel the same.

He won't invade nato countries. He has no appetite for it. His military is getting depleted by this invasion. His focus has always been to regain Ukraine and I haven't heard him specify interest in invading other countries.

Maybe you could shave your head. I hear that's a thing now if you don't like the outcome of the election.

Yanbu. I got rid of one of mine for similar.

@Livelovebehappy

"He won't invade nato countries. He has no appetite for it. His military is getting depleted by this invasion. His focus has always been to regain Ukraine and I haven't heard him specify interest in invading other countries."

What about non-Nato countries in the area do they matter? Also you realise this is the man who has routinely killed opponents (and innocents remember Dawn Sturgess?) on the streets of nato countries including the U.K. Not to mention countries like Finland and Poland are spending huge amounts on defence because they obviously disagree with you. I cannot understand how anyone genuinely believes you can sacrifice a country like Ukraine and feel safe that it just stops there.

Not racism though. That's why I binned my hairdresser.

Did you read the part where she went after her hairdresser ‘with both barrels?’

She could have requested that she not talk politics. But instead she got sucked into a political debate at her hair salon. Many such cases

This.

I've cut people out for supporting Trump, Farage, etc.

It's a tricky one. I have a Trump supporting family member and I love him too much to let this get in the way of our relationship even though it's HARD.

But I did change chiropractor when the previously lovely lady I saw for two years announced she voted leave and spewed a load of hate against immigrants. Coming from a family of immigrants I couldn't get past this.
And couldn't see her the same way again.

I guess it comes down to how much you need her as a hairdresser and as a friend. If you really do then you need a clear 'no politics' boundary. But I don't think you're unreasonable to walk away.

YANBU, I'd feel the same as you. It's completely fine to disagree on politics and vote differently and still be friends, but to support a convicted criminal, liar, rapist, racist, horrible fraud is beyond anything I can tolerate, personally. I find whoever supports him absolutely mad and obnoxious and could never forgive them or even engage. That's where I draw the line.

Bill Maher has some advice for you OP, he doesn't specifically talk about hairdressers but I think his words are relevant. Hopefully Bill Maher is sufficiently liberal for his common sense perspective to be considered legitimate, although in the current climate who knows, he's probably considered a fascist now.

^^

I don't go to the hairdressers for a political debate. You're not unreasonable, OP.
Just book somewhere else. You had an agreement that she ignored.

So subjective.

sometimes ‘racism’ to these kind of people is just ‘maybe we should cut immigration …

I sort of had a fallout with my hairdresser over brexit which is similarly polarizing in this country. We have since just agreed not to bring up politics and that’s fine.

Irrespective of Political views Hairdressers should be a peaceful place where you enjoy going and feel comfortable.
If its not find a new one

@jezlifecoach this thread is about her friend/hairdresser, not to discuss Trump. I am not getting into that on this thread.

It is actually completely irrelevant what the friends ravings were about, simply that it was something they both had very different views on & had come to an understanding they didn't discuss it.

This
I was going to say yes YABU OP as just agree to disagree and say you don't want to talk politics, but if she doesn't care and still insists in banging on, I'd be disengaging and going elsewhere too.
I'd tell her (nicely) why though - but trouble with that is she could be that far gone ({seeing as she can't help spreading her message/truth even though you've basically told her to politely STFU) she'd probably see it as being "cancelled" and make her worse.
Find a hairdresser who doesn't wang on, a nice peaceful hair appointment will be better for your blood pressure. 😁

You foolishly took the bait engaged in the political debate with her. That was always going to end badly. Nobody wins those arguments. You should have just continued to change the subject. Asked her about anything else. That's what I do.

I don't talk politics with anyone. I'm not interested in it. It's so divisive.

It seems petty to change hairdressers because of such a non issue. Just keep conversation light, breezy next and ignore anything that triggers you. We all have to live and work alongside each other.