To break with hair stylist over politics?

[momtoboys]

Please try to be kind, because as silly as this sounds I am very upset about this situation.

I am currently in the US and I have been going to the same woman who does my hair for 25 years. Over the years we have become friends but do not really see each other socially (occasionally talk on the phone, text, cook a meal when someone sick). We seem to have made this unspoken agreement that we would not discuss politics both knowing we are on opposite ends of the spectrum in our beliefs. The US has recently had a presidential election and the person elected is a VERY polarizing character. This is the person my hairstylist supports.

I had my hair done last night and it appears that since the election results our silent pact not to discuss politics has expired. She really wanted to talk about how much better the country will be and how smart the president elect is. I asked her to stop and that I didn't think we should discuss it but she kept on and then I went at her both barrels. we played the "well, what about THIS" game for a while each trying to outwit the other to prove our point. We were able to pull ourselves out of a terrible spiral and the last 1/2 hour of the appointment was fine. I hugged her goodbye which I normally don't do and I realized that was because I think that may be the last time I see her. I don't think I can go back. I still enjoy her as a friend but her support for this megalomaniac makes me think less of her. If this is the end do I call her and tell her why or just cancel my next appointment and just move on?

There seem to be some very bizarre interpretations of what free speech and democracy mean in this thread

Comparing Trump to Labour is apples to oranges

Orange to apples, surely 😁

You can go off whomever you want but would you shun someone? Stop frequenting their business?

Mine turned up in the papers having lost a race discrimination case. Hoping I wasn't the only they customer lost.

well for 25 years they've disagreed, but kept it out of their friendship.

i agree Trump is a living nightmare,

BUT her love of him is. NOTnew news, the only difference is that she ran screaming over their unspoken boundary.

i don't ditch 25 year old friendships over a mistake without even trying to sort it out.

this isn't about her views on Trump, it's about going over a boundary.

I think you should both grow the fuck up.

When did we all decide that if someone was in our lives, we had to know and approve of their every thought and belief and if we didn’t, then they were to be cut off and cast out into the wilderness? Why are we suddenly turning our circles into echo chambers? We’ve become so intolerant. You’re either right or wrong. There are no nuances or room for people coming at things from different life experiences. No wonder so many of us are in our little bubbles with no knowledge or understanding of what is going on with any other group in society. If you find a different hairdresser, are you going to interview them first to make sure all of your views align? What happens if they’ve got a different opinion about something equally as divisive? Will you change again?

Can she cut your hair the way you like it? When she’s not talking about politics, are you able to tolerate her company for an hour or two, while she does what you’re paying for? If so, then bloody get over it. If she says something you don’t agree with, then you change the subject. Trump is doing A? Lovely, what are your plans for the weekend? Trump is doing B? Lovely, are you ready for Christmas? Trump is doing C? Lovely, have you seen that new film?

Politics can be very divisive and it only makes things worse when people feel they can only talk to people they agree with. In the UK people fell out with friends and family over Brexit in a similar way. We need to keep talking and listening to each other. Keep going to your stylist; clearly you matter to each other.

Well, the OP hasn’t said she doesn’t believe in her hairdressers right to vote for whoever she wants, or to say whatever she wants. However she has a poorer opinion of her for her choices. If you think that’s an oppression of either democracy or free speech I’m puzzled. Free speech means the freedom to say things, not freedom from being judged by others for saying them.

I actually think it's refreshing to hear about someone who is willing to discuss their political views with someone who they know does not agree with them.

The main reason I am normally uncomfortable discussing politics in America is it feels like it's kind of a taboo subject here unless you are with other groupies.

I feel similar revealing my atheism to religious people.

People are complicated. I can't comprehend how anyone falls for Trump's BS but clearly a lot of people do, and at least partly it must be because they are having a hard time and they feel the current administration isn't helping so they are happy to hear what they want to hear.

It doesn't necessarily mean she's a bad person / racist / doesn't care about low income people. Plenty of low income people and people of color voted for Trump.

My main reason for hating Trump so much is January 6th etc - he's deeply anti democratic and that's really dangerous- but that doesn't register with everyone. Not many people cared all that much about Johnson's prorogation of parliament either and I felt similarly though less strongly about that.

I would go again to her at least one more time. As pp said if she brings it up again, change the subject.

Of course avoiding an echo chamber is important, but is it necessary at the hairdressers? During your “me time” being pampered? Can’t that just be a nice relaxing time?

that the OP asked her hairdresser to talk about something else and the hairdresser refused is a bit of a red flag, sounds like she’s forgotten she’s running a business and the OP is her client.

OP if you aren’t going to enjoy going to this hair dressers, go elsewhere. if just using a different hair dresser means you won’t see this woman again, then you weren’t really friends, just a long standing client she was friendly with.

OP, this is why I quite genuinely would rather go to the dentist than the hairdresser. I'm almost phobic about hairdressers!

I really wish their training would wake up an lay some ground rules for conversation with customers. No politics or religion, please (We're British!) - and even if the customer brings it up, then tactfully change the subject. The stuff I've had to listen to while sitting their, hair dripping and half-way through the cutting. I'd have gladly walked out.

And don't ask me about my holidays either, or whether I'm going out anywhere special this evening. Just say 'Would you like a magazine?' and otherwise, wait for the customer to give the lead - if they want to talk, fine. I've been asked all kinds of personal stuff in a salon full of strangers. My tactic is to make things up in response - I'm not telling my life story, info about my children or say exactly where I live or what my job is in that setting, am I?

I'm screwing up my courage to go next week, but my stomach is literally tightening at the thought of being trapped in that chair having to talk rubbish (or listen to rubbish) from the hairdresser.

sitting there, not 'sitting their'....sorry.

Yes, I entirely agree, yours was not the bizarre interpretation I was referring to!

Ah, OK!

YANBU, OP.

there is nothing worse than people who feel comfortable sharing about their views when you don’t ask for them on topics they know you will disagree with them about. Especially at the hairdresser.

If she was a proper friend I would say text her and let her know that in the future politics is a topic you would rather avoid (I might suggest you still do that if you would still like to go back.) though I would totally understand you not wanting to.

I have had all kind of hairdresser experience and usually like a good chat but I shudder at the things people feel comfortable sharing with me (I am mixed race and gay, the second part nobody would know obviously yet the first part people can clearly see and YET people feel very overtly confident talking poorly of other ethnicities and stuff with me which always make me wonder why in the world they would think I would want to hear it/want to commiserate with them and why/how are they so oblivious to their own “audience”).

I clearly remember one specific hairdresser a few years ago who started playing the “what are you origins” game and then commenting on my skin color and then “fantasizing” about my imaginary future kids and how they would be stunning if I ended up with a blonde man with blue/green eyes. I was HORRIFIED.

I don’t want to have to come out to my hairdresser, I don’t want people to comment on my skin color (okay with my hair dresser talking about my hair and hair texture obviously), I don’t want people to tell me who I should date, what they think of immigration and start talks with “but not you though, you know more (this group)” and yet, so many people can’t keep their thoughts to themselves.

I used to be “too good” and just stay quiet and still give a decent review so as not to harm the business (the worst are Uber drivers who share their views while you are stuck in the car. Again I love a good convo but it’s a 15 minutes ride and I am a stranger, the theme of racism or rants about gay people or political opinions shouldn’t even have time to occur/be discussed). But now I refuse to spend my money and give good reviews for people who ruin a moment for me or make me pay to listen to racist/sexist/homophobic rants.

So no, I wouldn’t go back. But more because Trump is incredibly harmful and I don’t want to spend my hard earned money onto people and businesses who have belief who, in my case, are directly harmful to me and the people I love, but also who support people who purposely divide and create hate/racial divide worldwide.

Getting your hair done is supposed to be an enjoyable experience, it’s sad that you had to spend 90% of the session upset and fighting over politics when she should have just realized you weren’t receptive and gone back to a relaxing atmosphere right away.

YABU. I don't discuss politics with most people, but sometimes people will tell me their views. I just smile and nod and say nothing, and if it is someone I like then I might shudder inside but it doesn't affect my liking them. We are all entitled to our opinions, and as much as you think she is wrong she will be thinking the same about you. How would you feel if she ditched you as a client because of your views?

Before even reading the thread, I knew that the OP would be the left-wing one and her hairdresser would be right.
Ask me how I know?
Because it’s usually the left-wingers who want to end perfectly good friendships over differing political opinions. People on the right tend to be fine with ‘agree to disagree and move on’

To answer your question, no. I don’t think you should stop seeing her because her views are different to yours. That’s how you end up in an echo chamber.

I think it’s a little weird that you got caught up in the “what abouts” yet are blaming her? I mean she was just as trapped as you were at the same time.

A couple of thoughts in no particular order…

You knew her political persuasion before the election and became friends with her. She hasn’t changed.

hand on heart how would you feel if she dropped you as a client or a friend because of your political leaning?

Let’s be honest with ourselves, there is a lot of sour grapes for how the election turned out. Do you really think that those whose candidate lost 4 years ago weren’t enduring the same happiness from the people whose candidate won?

As others have said, unless you live and socialize in a bubble… other people you know and are close to feels the same as your stylist.

And start believing that ‘the other side’ are monsters or garbage.

Fun fact I’m almost always the most conservative politically out of all of my friends… in that most of my friends are very leftist in their beliefs. I really couldn’t care less. 🤷‍♀️ I’m guessing they’ve come to terms as well because we’re still friends.

Same here. Always amazes me how the default reaction from Left to Right always seems to be to 'cut off immediately'. I long for the day when people can once again discuss things like adults.
In relation to this specific issue, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: it's the attitudes/behaviour of the Democrats that won the election for Trump. The End.

It was the people who voted who won it for Trump. The very end.

This. Too many snowflakes about. Grow up and learn tolerance.

I’ve just spent time both east coast and west coast and the politics of both sides of the US was the opposite to what I expected

I was shocked by the things I heard from both sides and much as I’m not a fan of the orange one, I CAN see why he was voted in . The media is making all this a circus and we aren’t getting the full picture in the uk.

people voted for change, like they did here, like they have all over the world.

If you like this hairdresser @momtoboys just agree to disagree and focus on other things.

you won’t see her for a while now, things will cool down over the next 6-8 weeks

wait and see what happens

Respectfully, keep thinking that and you'll never understand anything.

That the people who voted for Trump meant that he won the election? I'll keep thinking that.