To call myself 'Mrs' even though I'm unmarried?

[DottyBaguette]

In the past I've used Miss/Ms. My preference is Ms, I think Miss sounds very young.

I've never been married. Two teenagers. Live with them in my own house, everything paid for by me as I've always worked and never had a man to depend on, I can't imagine ever risking my financial independence.

I've noticed that post 40, I'm almost always assumed to be 'Mrs'. School teachers, tradespeople, even the bank, refer to me as 'Mrs'. I used to correct it but now I can't be bothered. Why should men not be defined by their relationship status but women are?

So aibu just to let the assumptions continue and even start ticking 'Mrs' on forms, so I don't have to correct people who obviously think most women over 40 are 'Mrs'?

I tried to correct the bank, who seemed to think I'd need to post all sorts to get 'Mrs' changed to 'Ms'. So I left it, that was several years ago, so obviously the bank thinks I'm happily married...

I wouldn't. I am married but didn't change my name and been Ms throughout. Always corrected Mrs when there was a lazy assumption.

I mean, if we want to get really pedantic, "Mrs" basically means you belong to a man. As in, "Mister's". If you wanna identify that way, cant see any reason why not.

But I don't even think the pedantic matters. It's a bit weird but do what you want.

That seems rather counter intuitive and counter productive? You object to the assumptions, you disagree with the marriage signifier for women and not men and are happily unmarried. The obvious response would surely to remain Ms, correcting people every time and helping to break down the stereotypes? I'm not sure where you're coming from with the white flag, and why it would make you feel better?

I wouldn’t tick Mrs on forms but it’s fine to not keep correcting people if you can’t be bothered.

My preference would be that women were automatically addressed by a universal title which doesn't reference marital status. So 'Ms' is the equivalent of 'Mr'.

But I'm assuming most people use 'Mrs' still, hence the assumption that as a middle aged woman I must be that. So I can use 'Mrs' and make a mockery of the system.

I don’t bother correcting somebody when our interaction is likely to be short and meaningless (ie the Asda delivery driver), but I do when it’s more likely to be an ongoing thing. Only really because I can’t be bothered making it awkward, most people are trying their best and most women my age are married. I would never encourage it though, I’m proud to be a Ms.

I wouldn't bother correcting as wouldn't bother me and minor detail. Yanbu.

I think you can call yourself whatever you like. I’m married but go by Ms, I haven’t changed my surname so I feel like I’m my mother when people call me Mrs Rapa.

The banks, services you might use, random people will not care at all if you’re Mrs/Ms/Miss/Mx so just call yourself what you like.

I mean, if we want to get really pedantic, "Mrs" basically means you belong to a man. As in, "Mister's".

If you're going to be pedantic, you should be accurate.

Miss, Ms, and Mrs are all abbreviations of mistress. However, in more recent centuries, it became convention to call unmarried women Miss and married women Mrs. Older women were often called Mrs as a form of respect (because surely she couldn't be gasp unmarried? The horror!)

I am Ms. Mrs Bearhug was my mother, my grandmother, is my aunt. It is not me. Actually, I prefer not to use a title at all, but many Internet forms make this impossible, so Ms it is.

But it's your choice. It's an honorific, not something set in law. I'd go for Ms though.

Well you can. But I think as a protest its rather too subtle to make much impact. People will just continue to assume you are married and when discovering otherwise possibly think that you are embarrassed not to be. I personally never use a title unless forced by a drop box with a required response I just ignore it. I'm just first name last name.

I totally agree!! It’s so sexist and intrusive to be asked about your marital status by people who absolutely don’t need to know. If they did they’d have to have an equivalent for men.
It’s also inherently demeaning I think regardless of one’s status or title - ie inferring that for women their status changes once associated with a man.
Obvs once that was true.

As you can tell - have been irritated about this for ages.

I think this might become more the norm. I think the French do it this way - once you are over a certain age you are Madame rather than Mademoiselle, unofficially at least. In theory Ms for all adult women would be better, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Call yourself whatever you like. It's really none of anybody's business and I think it would be ridiculous if anyone thought women should be dictated whhat to use aka to announce your marital status.

I use Mrs by default unless they have asked me otherwise or I've seen something else written down (e.g. school letter referring to Miss A). Well actually I only use Mrs or Miss for school / nursery communication. With everyone else it's first name or nothing. I'm never sure how to pronounce Ms and have never heard or read anyone else being referred to as Ms but when I'm asked what I prefer I use Ms or first name if it's appropriate. On forms I put dr but don't expect or want anyone to actually address me like that.

If anyone asks for Mrs Bearhug on the phone, it does make it easy for me to determine it's a spam call.

Apart from the ones who assume I must be Mrs LandlordName (he sometimes gives them my details to arrange things like a gas engineer.) Even if I had married him, they're making assumptions i'd use that title and have taken his name - but it is enough of a convention I understand why they make the assumption. It would be a lot weirder if they said, "is that Mrs Smith?"

I agree and i could be wrong but I do think Mrs has become the equivalent of Mr even though it should be Ms. Maybe because Ms is strange to pronounce.

Call yourself what you like.

I'm married but I go by Ms MySurname, mainly because I CBA to go through the faff of changing it 😂 So I can completely understand why you'd just want to go with the easiest option.

It doesn't mean that, it's short for Mistress.

It's used to be a courtesy title in the countryside at least where I was brought up. Older women were always addressed as Mrs, I've seen it in fictional and historical accounts as well. I think you are just being traditional in using it actually.

It was linked to the idea of single women running businesses and households without men present, dead , at war or run away, and in England as far back as Chaucer for sure. I mean the Wife of Bath wasn't actually married on the pilgrimage because she had buried all her husbands. I know that made her a widow but it shows that women in the past did run stuff and were independent, the past wasn't Gilead.

Sorry I went off on a tangent. But in summary yes use Mrs I do sometimes as well.

Why are the bank addressing you as Mrs when it doesn't sound like you've given them that title? Although it's probably not worth correcting them unless you have a lot of time on your hands and enthusiasm for frustrating admin.

I agree with you that women should be universally addressed as Ms (or Mrs) I don't care which as long as it isn't connected to marital status but it's probably never going to change in the UK because it's so ingrained.

But in the end titles are meaningless for women because there's no definitive correlation between title and marital status - I know many divorced Mrs, married Ms etc.

The 16 year old radical feminist in me refuses to use anything other than Ms - I'm almost 33

I think im gonna end up like that woman in Frasier who's always saying 'Ms, it's Ms', whenever he calls her Mrs 🤭

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to use Mrs but equally, you definitely not be unreasonable to insist on Ms

Stick it to those misogynists!

You can if you want - as EBearhug describes it used to be a signifier of higher status - a housekeeper for a large house would be called Mrs (if you're old enough, remember 'Mrs Bridges' in Upstairs, Downstairs').

You might possibly run into odd problems if you don't use it consistently though.

I am Ms, have been since I was 14, am now retired, and would always put Ms on a form etc.

But though it sounds weird when people say Mrs I don’t get riled up by being mis-titled. My boiler service account is Ms but when the guy calls to say ‘be with you in 10 mins’ he always says ‘is that Mrs Click?’. I see my dentist have assigned me a Mrs for some reason.

This. I love how all older women are Madame and nobody knows if they're married or not. I'd prefer the same here.

A lot of women enjoy being called Mrs (which is fine too) - it's a sign of a big achievement or status for them to have that title. So the change will probably not happen.

OP, I don't think choosing to be called Mrs if you're against it will make any impact, nor does it make much sense. You'd simply be one of the many Mrs about and it's not a big deal. Are you sure you're just not coming around to liking the Mrs title rather than the Ms? If so, it doesn't matter either.

I found it amusing that as soon as I had a child I automatically became Mrs!

I correct most people, it wouldn't be unreasonable to not correct them to put it on forms I think it would be.

My title is a Dr and I get really frustrated on forms where I either have to select Dr (female) or Dr (male) or after selecting Dr a new question appears ask for female/male.

I have since had a civil partnership and my preferred titles are Ms or Dr