To call myself 'Mrs' even though I'm unmarried?

[DottyBaguette]

In the past I've used Miss/Ms. My preference is Ms, I think Miss sounds very young.

I've never been married. Two teenagers. Live with them in my own house, everything paid for by me as I've always worked and never had a man to depend on, I can't imagine ever risking my financial independence.

I've noticed that post 40, I'm almost always assumed to be 'Mrs'. School teachers, tradespeople, even the bank, refer to me as 'Mrs'. I used to correct it but now I can't be bothered. Why should men not be defined by their relationship status but women are?

So aibu just to let the assumptions continue and even start ticking 'Mrs' on forms, so I don't have to correct people who obviously think most women over 40 are 'Mrs'?

I tried to correct the bank, who seemed to think I'd need to post all sorts to get 'Mrs' changed to 'Ms'. So I left it, that was several years ago, so obviously the bank thinks I'm happily married...

I agree we should have a universal title. No one is addressing unmarried men as “master”. I’ve used Ms for most of my adult life because my marital status is no one’s business. Even in my early 20s people assumed I was divorced, but I see it as a move towards a universal title. It’s misogynistic and patriarchal that women should be so defined by divorce that it forms part of their name

Yay! I was Ms for years but realised I actually hate saying it and people always go “ muzzz?” I also realised a lot of people thought it meant you were divorced ( which I am but that’s nobody’s business!)
I decided to go with Miss, with a sort of Miss Jean Brodie vibe ( in my mind) and would prefer to be thought of as spinster of the parish than a missus.
I wish all women were just Miss or Mrs though as I hate that “ is it Miss or Mrs?” question.

Interesting thread.

I'm 50, married and still Miss Birthsurname. I don't particularly object to Ms but don't use it as:
I think it's ugly sounding (I know this is my issue).
I was Miss all my life until I married and I did not see why my title should change to Ms or Mrs since my husband was not expected to change his title or surname.

I would be happy to return to the days when all women used the title Mistress. My marital status is no ones business.

Amusingly I've had several people telling me that legally I "can't" use Miss as I'm married (and also that my surname is legally my husband's surname). I always raise my eyebrows and ask them to refer me to the Act of Parliament or other statutory instrument that sets out this law, as I've never been able to locate it. Strangely they can never do so!

I don't mind being referred to as Miss.

I have a different surname to my 4 children (who all have their father's surname).
We have never been married, and have been separated for several years now.

What I really struggle with is being called "Mrs Expartnersurame.
I have never been that.

I don't blame people for it (how are they to know).
However, I am always very quick to correct them on it.

Well if you often hear it it's at least true for many people if not you.

This is what I thought it was.

I would really prefer Mistress surname - sound more formal and professional or in written correspondence my full name with no honorific.

What I get is strangers using just my first name on phone in persons- banks, HCP - even occasionally a teacher though they tend to be more Mrs surname. DSis gets Mrs her child surname not hers and can't always be bothered to correct.

DH can use Dr but it's often corrected to Mr by institutions - though had friend both she and her DH could use Dr (all PhD) and what she found was he'd be left with Dr honorific and she'd be corrected to Mrs - she always complained.

If you want to. I would insist on Ms. Mrs seems so outdated. Even if I was married I wouldn’t use it

The word derives from “mistress” and you are certainly the mistress of your household (in the sense of matriarch, not in the sense of running a brothel or having an affair) so by all means go ahead.

My kids old primary school office called me mrs repeatedly despite correcting them every time. I asked them to address me as 'General' if they were going to give me a made up title.

I've never been married, but the NHS decided years ago I am Mrs. I once asked if there was a mistake in my records and the reply from the nurse was they didn't show me as Mrs, but it was a "natural assumption". I couldn't be bothered getting into an argument about it, but it mildly irritates me every time. I did correct the doctor who rang for a medicine review a couple of weeks ago, who not only married me off, but got my first and second name wrong, but recognisable enough that I knew it was me he intended to call. All trades people call me Mrs.

It would be much easier if we were on the French or German system of moving to Madame or Frau when we reach a certain age, but I wonder if the point when people start calling you that sends chills down your spine or if it's a rite of passage. I've been amused when seeing the eldest of BTS, Jin, being addressed as ajusshi by younger people It's a term of respect for older men in Korea. He plays up his shock, but then says yes, he is that age now (31).

DH can use Dr but it's often corrected to Mr by institutions - though had friend both she and her DH could use Dr (all PhD) and what she found was he'd be left with Dr honorific and she'd be corrected to Mrs - she always complained.

I've not had this too often, though once very amusingly on a prescription for the Pill... and my own dm did the Dr and Mrs thing once, but once only!

I am married but simply don't answer the question.

Its a useless and worthless question so when asked I just reply 'whichever' or 'its up to you' or 'any will work'. It's true nothing will change regardless of if I'm a Ms, Miss or Mrs on a form and even when I use to answer they would get it wrong half the time anyway.

More bizarrely I have been told I HAVE to provide one. So we live in a world where I could apparently choose to be a Zey/Zim/It or refuse to choose if I'm male or female apparently but must still must be defined by if I married of not if I do choose female? batshit.

My family is Irish which traditionally has 'daughter of', 'son of', 'descendant of' and 'wife of' (if you take your DH surname as it denotes your link to the name) but I did not take my DH surname so would not be the 'wife of'. So as I do not have DH surname I don't see why I have to be defined as Mrs either, I'm also not unmarried so the English Miss/Ms is wrong too.

Yes! It's like the time I transferred to Mama and aunty in another country. I felt ancient

On a related note, for those who did change their surnames when they got married - I don't understand why some women hang onto his surname after they've divorced. If you've managed to get shot of him why hang on to his name? Or is it an administrative nightmare?

I'm a Dr but often get Mrs when outside the professional setting. I never correct people because I'm not an entitled twat enough to think it matters.

As long as people are trying to be respectful I don't really care if my marital status or qualifications are referenced unless they're directly relevant in that moment.

I’m married and use Ms because I don’t see why my title should depend on my marriage status. I was Ms before and after marriage.

The more women (both married and unmarried) insist on using Ms, the closer we will get to having a neutral title in the same way men have.

Never used Mrs when married. Ms always.

Once upon a time, unmarried women were called Mistress first name. So Mistress Anne, Mistress Jayne etc. Once married they became Mistress husband's surname. So Mistress Smith etc. And a man would talk about his mistress, but it didn't have the same meaning as today, rather she was the woman he loved.
I'm Mrs because I paid for the bloody license, so I'm getting my money out of it. Now I'm widowed, there really isn't a term for it in English is there? I mean in French it's veuve.
Sorry, derailed the topic OP.
I think, do what you want.

Because its not longer HIS name, once a woman takes it it HER name.

Why should she give up an identity she lived under for years or decades and all the achievement in that name and links to her children if she has them etc...

Why do you believe a name always belongs to a man and a woman is just allowed it depending on which man owns her, thats ingrained patriarchy.

'Mistress' doesn't mean 'Mister's'... and it hasn't always denoted marriage status. The feelings modern women have about it aren't new, they're echoes of the ways it's been viewed and used over the centuries.
There's an article about all of this here https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/mistress-miss-mrs-or-ms-untangling-the-shifting-history-of-titles

You’re not a Mrs so shouldn’t be referred to as one, by yourself or anyone else. You should correct people.

If you want to why not??

im married but i fuxking hate Mrs like its so status title or trophy title.

i kept my surname and i also gleefully tick MS on everything possible. One day it is my dream all men are MR and all women MS

Am happily divorced. Always refer to myself as Mrs ...
Just easier all round

I randomly select miss, ms or Mrs. I'm not married. I am over 50. I don't honestly give two hoots and just pick the first or easiest in the list

Ooh very interesting!