To call myself 'Mrs' even though I'm unmarried?

[DottyBaguette]

In the past I've used Miss/Ms. My preference is Ms, I think Miss sounds very young.

I've never been married. Two teenagers. Live with them in my own house, everything paid for by me as I've always worked and never had a man to depend on, I can't imagine ever risking my financial independence.

I've noticed that post 40, I'm almost always assumed to be 'Mrs'. School teachers, tradespeople, even the bank, refer to me as 'Mrs'. I used to correct it but now I can't be bothered. Why should men not be defined by their relationship status but women are?

So aibu just to let the assumptions continue and even start ticking 'Mrs' on forms, so I don't have to correct people who obviously think most women over 40 are 'Mrs'?

I tried to correct the bank, who seemed to think I'd need to post all sorts to get 'Mrs' changed to 'Ms'. So I left it, that was several years ago, so obviously the bank thinks I'm happily married...

The German way is ideal imo - if you are an adult you are Frau X regardless of marital status.
if you are a doctor you would be Frau Doktor X

Same here. I would be changing bank if they mistakenly started calling me Mrs and made it difficult to correct

The only time that I have let it slide is with doctors and nurses who are talking to me about my husband. I am his carer and they often address me as Mrs X when I am Ms Y as I didn't change my name. I let it slide in those scenarios as there are more important issues and I don't want to derail the conversation.

Peering at someone and making judgments about how old they look is really just as bad as asking questions/making assumptions about marital status. Can't we all just use Ms as the default, unless the person indicates they want a different title?

In much of the English speaking world outside the UK, Ms has become the norm; can't stand it when I get emails from service providers etc. in the UK addressing me as Mrs. Green. I have never used Mrs!

I have a partner and most random people assume we're married. It's annoying. I feel really old being addressed as Mrs Smith by tradies. Plus it makes me think of his mum 😂

I don't even have my dad's last name, I have my mum's maiden name.

I am married but still go by Ms. MyName. My bank unilaterally decided to change it to Mrs. MyName when I changed my status to married on their forms! Mrs MyName is my mother, not me. I sometimes get Mrs. HisName as the kids have his name but I am starting to accept that. I do try to correct it to Ms. MyName if it's a formal thing but for casual social encounters I let it go.

And it's MIZ not MUZZ. MUZZ sounds like the noise a mosquite makes.

Ms came from the US, where it was developed as a formalization of a casual oral convention that was already in use in some parts of the States, where "Miss" and "Mrs" were sort of slurred together into a multipurpose "Miz" sound. If you watch Gone With the Wind, you can hear this - Miz Scarlett, Miz Suellen etc. - for both married and unmarried women. US feminists just adopted this as a formal convention and gave it a new abbreviated form in writing.

I use Ms and I'm married.

I don't believe in a woman's marital status being obvious as a man's isn't. It bothers me.

But then I didnt change my surname when I got married too.

AFAIK a female cook in an Upstairs, Downstairs type of household, was traditionally always known as Mrs Surname, though in those circs they’d only rarely be married.

I didn't know this, never been that interested, and not bothered by what people call me.

But I do rather like the idea of removing the abbreviation and just being Mistress Hop from now on.

That’s not the origin, it’s a short form of Mistress.

Peering at someone and making a judgement? Really? It's not like they weigh up if a woman is over 40!

Personally I think Ms sounds silly so I'd rather not be forced to use that. I don't care if other people choose to but I do like the idea of using one title for adult women that doesn't show marital status and I'd prefer Mrs for that, since it is in such wide use already.

My preference would be that women were automatically addressed by a universal title which doesn't reference marital status. So 'Ms' is the equivalent of 'Mr'.

I agree with you and that's why I am using 'Ms', because I see it as the only way to bring change about. I am married but, come to think of it, I have never been referred to as Mrs.
As long as you put the correct title on the forms, I don't see how they can get it wrong. And if they do - you correct them.

Whether you take the path of least resistance or insist on Ms, you're making a choice for yourself and that's not unreasonable. Personally, I switch between Ms, Mrs and First Name Last Name, depending on the circumstances, but it annoys me that because of outdated conventions, women have to spend so much time and energy on this sort of thing. Imagine a world where men were referred to as Master until they got married (unless they never did) and had to make a choice between keeping their names and a lot of earache from society, family and culture if they didn't. Then along comes divorce/widowerhood/remarriage and they have to make another decision about something we women didn't have to give any thought to.

And, who in this day and age really believes that a woman with the title Mrs belongs to a man?

In the modern world it simply signifies that she is married.

I do like the idea of using one title for adult women that doesn't show marital status and I'd prefer Mrs for that, since it is in such wide use already

But the wide usage of Mrs is generally in relation to married women. I’m not aware of many (any) single women who use Mrs (not talking about divorced women who choose to retain it)

I can foresee single (never-married) women suddenly adopting Mrs being seen by some as slightly tragic figures who wish they’d been married but never were

Fraudulent? These have no legal status so in what way would they be fraudulent?! 😂

I don't think so, I thought it was short for 'mistress', which is the female equivalent of Master. Mrs, Miss and Ms are all short for Mistress.

I don't care what you call yourself, and I have been married a very long time. It must be easier to go along with it.

I sometimes call myself Mrs my birth name now I’m divorced.

When I was married I was always Ms my birth name as I never changed it on marriage.

I kind of feel like an old fashioned housekeeper - married to my house almost! Maybe married to myself as I won’t remarry.😄

Edit - when I say call myself, it is pretty much just going along with what the school says.

However my bank cards all say Miss as I have had the same bank since I was 16 and never changed it with them

Seems a bit sad to pretend you are married by ticking Mrs.

Tell that to the unmarried french adult women who are called Madame. Slightly tragic figures?

I think we should use one title for all adult women, as many European countries now do. Most have gone for the equivalent of Mrs.

Also why would it be tragic? It’s probably a happy state of affairs never to have married!

Ms sounds funny?!

Doesn’t sound funny to me at all. You’ve either been brought up in a household/family/social circle that places certain values on Miss and Mrs and so introducing Ms is a challenge, or you’re just not used to saying words that don’t have obvious vowel sounds.

What other words are funny?

Pancreas?
Banana?
Sausage?
Floccinaucinihilipilification?

(That last one, for the uninitiated, is a long, fancy word that means to consider something to be worthless or of no importance. Rather appropriate for this thread, donchathink? 😉)

Because until men are expected/given the choice to announce their marital status with their title, I won’t be.

It’s called feminism.

I personally think Ms sounds a bit harsh, so I’d go by Mrs if I wasn’t married. DM maintained Mrs after her divorce.