To think that i would not choose them as friends?

[DonnyDoris]

I feel really conflicted about this - my nature is to accept people for who they are, what they are and not to judge, however peri meno seems to be making me increasingly less tolerant!!!
We have some friends - albeit more DH's friends than mine - who live in the village where we used to live. When we lived there we may have seen / socialised with them 1 / 2 times per month so not massively, although they were part of our lockdown bubble and i suppose it got a bit more frequent after that.
We moved house about 2.5 hours away 3 years ago, and honestly you would have thought the world had ended! Some very hurtful stuff was messaged to me by the wife, but I was told to let it all go because "that's just the way she is" - so I did, but it still niggles tbh.
Anyway, since the move, we've had to go back to the area a few times a week for my work and usually stay over at theirs 1 night per week - I can't deny that this is helpful for us financially as even a travelodge in the south is ££££, however on the occasions we don't stay there we get bloody chapter and verse on why would you camp / stay in a hotel / stay with other friends when you've got us??? To clarify though, I provide all the food and drink for when we stay - including alcohol, I cook, I take my own pillows and towels (they don't have a spare room so I sleep on the sofa and DH sleeps on a chair) - they literally are not put out by us.
I just find them sooooooooooooooooooo draining - the husband has recently been late diagnosed ADHD, and whilst he's always been a bit annoying, this seems to have massively increased since the diagnosis. The daughter has also been diagnosed ADHD which appears to have given her free reign to be a narcissistic spoiled entitled brat, but its ok "because ADHD" (a example from yesterday - she launched her almost brand new Iphone 14 in a temper, lost it in a field but that's fine because it's insured). The wife is depressed but wont seek help, gets medication from dodgy sources and goes round in a permanent state of negativity and hate.I've tried suggesting coping strategies / therapy / putting a positive spin on things, but it all falls on deaf ears because they are so stuck in their cycle they won't accept anything ..... DP is a super accepting understanding person adn really just sees it as an interesting scenario - he does get how I feel, but says I should change the way I feel as they can't change the way they are.
I honestly do completely get that all of these things must be so challenging to deal with and will totally mean that life will be nothing like it is for a neuro typical person, but I just find any time with them so draining - they are not even people I would choose for friends in the first place, so I really don't think it's their issues that cause me not to want to spend time with them - they are just not my people!
So....
AIBU - I should just fight my feelings and suck it all up because of their issues
AINBU - It's OK not to like people regardless of their issues

And buy them a new sofa and loungue chair as they will be knackered having had 2 adults sleep in them for 3 years!!!

Ermmmm…. You’re staying in their living room. I understand it’s not a great set up for you, but tbh I would get a bit snarky if someone stayed in my living room once a week. But I like my privacy.

Putting that aside, the set up sounds hideous and draining for you. Even a fool would understand you saying you’ve imposed long enough on them /you need a good night’s rest as you’re there for work / your husband can no longer sleep in a chair…. I get it that a hotel weekly is expensive but surely if you need to be there for work, your work will pay for accommodation? Your employer can’t expect you and your husband to be sleeping on a sofa and a chair.

It does sound like a strange arrangement, especially given the fact that you're not keen on the couple.

To extract yourself from this arrangement diplomatically (if you don't want confrontation) I suggest you fib and say either your or DH has developed a severe back ache problem, so need to sleep in a proper bed from now on. I don't see how they can reasonably get offended with that excuse, but if they do then f#$k them! 😂

This poor couple think you are their friend. With friends like you they sure don’t need enemies. You have been taking advantage of them for three years. You lack self awareness or are just plain nasty

You’re paying for food and alcohol for 4 adults and their daughter. How much are you actually saving?

Am I the only one wondering why they moved house and not jobs or am I missing something here?

Wfh.

Overnight guests are always a certain amount of trouble and given that these guys are saving you a lot of money, it's not unreasonable to bring the food and drink. It does sound uncomfortable though - couldn't you bring a camp bed or something with you?
You don't seem to like them all that much though and that makes it tricky accepting their hospitality. If there really isn't an alternative then you need to be grateful to them and try to see the best in them, I guess!

You obviously don't like these people much, or at least they annoy you & you don't like spending time with them, but will stay at there home every week to save on hotel costs? It seems like you are putting them out by staying in their home that doesn't have space for you, even if you can't see it & they ask you to stay, then you have the audacity to complain about them. Please stop using these 'friends' & book a hotel then you can chose when you want to socialise with them when you can be bothered with them. Let them know you appreciate the offer to stay with them but feel a hotel is a better solution than sleeping on the sofa or a chair.

This. What a bonkers thread. Are you all in your early 20's?!

Also, find another job if this one requires you to be away so much and you can't afford it.

This whole set up is bizarre for all of you

They have people sleeping in their lounge at least once a week, which must be very disruptive for them

You and your husband are sleeping on a sofa and a chair, which is nuts

You can’t afford a hotel

Why are you still doing the same jobs if you live so far away, have to commute 3 days a week and can’t afford to actually do the commute sensibly?

They thought wfh would be forever despite not having it in their contracts.

Short-sightedness on both, blind leading the blind and all that.....

There are a lot of people who can't afford London but can't bring themselves to accept that and find a job closer to home.

I'd guess their new home was based on a London salary, so would probably need to downsize if they move jobs. .

In the meantime, they're spending money they dint have travelling into London, and complaining about friends who save them some accommodation costs.

Bonkers!

I actually feel really sorry for this family...they think you are pretty much their best friends and you dont like them

Of coure its fine to not like people, and its fine to tell a white lie to spare feelings...its not ok to keep up a pretence of being close and comfortable enough to stay over at their home weekly for 3 years.

You need to start breaking away and deal with the fall out like adults. If your dh doesnt have anbissue with them, then you take steps to break away and leave him to it

I'd send a message explaining that in the new year,moving forwards you will be staying in a travel lodge. You appreciate everything Being a weekly sofa guest is too much for you and dont give any more explanation. Keep firm...it doesnt require any long winded response to pleas of you staying there and how much they want you to, your response is moving forwards you want to stay in a hotel, its too stressful for you staying at theirs and leave it at that

The financial/alternative accomodation situation is yours to sort out but be honest...if you didnt want free lodgings from them week in week out, I'm sure you would have addressed the fact that they annoy you much sooner and let the relationship run its course, especially given the geographical distance between you so it does come across that you are users however you want to put it

This. All of this.