OP, you've had plenty of opportunities to change the situation.
You say you wouldn't be able to afford it if you didn't stay with them, so you're expecting them to change for you?
These people behave how they do in their own home. If you wanted to leave that badly, you would have found another solution.
Blame your bad back and let DH stay there if he chooses.
Of course YANBU to not want to stay, but YABU to complain about their behaviour when you know it won't change.
"simply looking for another job" is a little bit more difficult than it sounds!
It's been THREE YEARS!!! Pull your finger out, even if it means a pay cut, it would save on the travelling and accommodation you're paying for.
It wasn't stupid - it was necessary.
Sorry, but it was stupid. I know somone who did this, but at least she had the sense to sell the new house at a loss and move back closer to her job. Expensive lesson, but the hit she took would be the equivalent of two years London travel/accommodation expenses.
Eggy face to admit to your future new colleagues in the North as you'd be admitting how foolish both of you have been, but again, a big lesson.
You're spending money, time, energy on a London job you can't afford.
I'm a people pleaser and I do generally make sure other people are happy above my own feelings
Why?
Especially when they don't seem to reciprocate?
If a dear find was telling you your story, what advice would you give them?
I feel your anger is misplaced.
You should be angry at both of you moving away without a wfh contract in place.
Allowing your husband to call the shots about staying with his friends.
Yourself for not taking matters into your own hands.
Of course you could have rented further out without relocating to the North.
The cost of travel and accommodation would have offset that.
At least admit your poor choices.
You want the best of both worlds, but you can't afford it.