To think that i would not choose them as friends?

[DonnyDoris]

I feel really conflicted about this - my nature is to accept people for who they are, what they are and not to judge, however peri meno seems to be making me increasingly less tolerant!!!
We have some friends - albeit more DH's friends than mine - who live in the village where we used to live. When we lived there we may have seen / socialised with them 1 / 2 times per month so not massively, although they were part of our lockdown bubble and i suppose it got a bit more frequent after that.
We moved house about 2.5 hours away 3 years ago, and honestly you would have thought the world had ended! Some very hurtful stuff was messaged to me by the wife, but I was told to let it all go because "that's just the way she is" - so I did, but it still niggles tbh.
Anyway, since the move, we've had to go back to the area a few times a week for my work and usually stay over at theirs 1 night per week - I can't deny that this is helpful for us financially as even a travelodge in the south is ££££, however on the occasions we don't stay there we get bloody chapter and verse on why would you camp / stay in a hotel / stay with other friends when you've got us??? To clarify though, I provide all the food and drink for when we stay - including alcohol, I cook, I take my own pillows and towels (they don't have a spare room so I sleep on the sofa and DH sleeps on a chair) - they literally are not put out by us.
I just find them sooooooooooooooooooo draining - the husband has recently been late diagnosed ADHD, and whilst he's always been a bit annoying, this seems to have massively increased since the diagnosis. The daughter has also been diagnosed ADHD which appears to have given her free reign to be a narcissistic spoiled entitled brat, but its ok "because ADHD" (a example from yesterday - she launched her almost brand new Iphone 14 in a temper, lost it in a field but that's fine because it's insured). The wife is depressed but wont seek help, gets medication from dodgy sources and goes round in a permanent state of negativity and hate.I've tried suggesting coping strategies / therapy / putting a positive spin on things, but it all falls on deaf ears because they are so stuck in their cycle they won't accept anything ..... DP is a super accepting understanding person adn really just sees it as an interesting scenario - he does get how I feel, but says I should change the way I feel as they can't change the way they are.
I honestly do completely get that all of these things must be so challenging to deal with and will totally mean that life will be nothing like it is for a neuro typical person, but I just find any time with them so draining - they are not even people I would choose for friends in the first place, so I really don't think it's their issues that cause me not to want to spend time with them - they are just not my people!
So....
AIBU - I should just fight my feelings and suck it all up because of their issues
AINBU - It's OK not to like people regardless of their issues

Come on, you've had three years to find a different job!

Of course they want you to stay - you are paying for their food and drink.

Your husband must be nuts to sleep on a chair and give a lift at 5.30 am.

Surely there's another solution? You are both working and you don't mention children. I just can't believe your only options are to do this. And camping, when you've got work the next day? Why would you do that when you could just drive 2.5 hours each way?

They stay one night a week.

There is a saying in my country "hija de la Mala vida" loosely translated daughter of a bad life. It's used to describe people who put themselves into problems but never solve them. 3 years of this???

Why did you move so far away from your work? Sounds like you need a new local job

Apologies, you are quite right

But, that doesn't change my view

Stop staying in their home.
Start adding some distance.
Stay out of their dramas.

People are draining.
That's why I see as few of them as possible.

Im confused why you’ve relocated 3 hours away and spend the majority of your time going back there? Surely easier to have not moved? (Having to load the car every week with bedding, towels, food, drink, work clothes, toiletries etc so I can camp out on the sofa of a family I can’t stand sounds like madness by the way!)

I'm really surprised the replies are generally sympathetic to you. You sound like a complete brat, using these people and bitching about them at the same time, airily saying it doesn't put them out at all that you stay with them once a week and they save you £1,000 a month because you're in a job you can't afford to do.

Oh OP, you’ve really found yourself in a tricky situation here! I have read all your updates and it definitely all feels circumstantial.
I wish your boss was more reasonable. I’m sure you’ve already thought of this but can you make a case at work for fewer days in the office??

With regards to your ‘friends’ - it’s a little annoying that people are accusing you of exploiting them when they chuck a tantrum if you don’t stay with them. They sound overbearing and draining to me. Of course it’s ok that you don’t like them, we all have to spend time with people we don’t like occasionally in order to keep the peace etc but the amount of time you’re having to do it for sounds exhausting.

Sorry I haven’t been very helpful, this is a tricky situation and difficult to know what you can do!

Then read the OP’s updates - she explains it fully

You must be able to find a B&B for less than the cost of a hotel? And negotiate a very good rate right through the winter months for 2 nights every week, no?

They sound like complete loonies. But you and your dh sound quite mad to have been putting up with this for three years.

Of course yanbu to not to want to be their friends and see them this often, but while they're saving you money and inconvenience, what's the alternative?

Girl you need a new job. Like, yesterday.

I imagine they are very keen for you to stay if you are providing food, alcohol and early lifts to the station! I am not sure though that they actually want you there, or would want you if you didn't provide food and taxi services.
The obvious answer is to look for another job. Or stay elsewhere and not tell these people that you have done so. Tell them that you have done so becasue neither of you can do a decent day's work after a night spent on the sofa/in a chair.

Dear god, ditch these tiresome people. How did you hang on to them so long? It’s okay to have boundaries and you don’t need to be friends with everyone. I’d never put up someone speaking rudely to me, not even once. I think I’d honestly rather sleep in my car than stay with them anyway.

Why have you not told them you only need to work one day in the office?

This whole thing is just insane, though. It's like someone's gone onto ChatGPT and said, "Think of a ridiculous scenario that I can post on Mumsnet."

I put YANBU because of course you don't have to like people, but it's not nice to stay with people and dislike them behind their back - you've got yourself in a very odd situation. I agree with others that there must be a midpoint between your DH sleeping on a chair (and presumably you driving up and down the country in a car full of duvets every week like a university fresher) and spending thousands of pounds on hotels. Spareroom allows you to search Mon-Fri lets, for example. It's fine not to like them but you should follow through now and make other arrangements. Good luck!

Of course it's ok not to like people.
This sounds unbearable, can't you change jobs ?

The whole thing is unsustainable. Move back, or change jobs?

Then stop placating. Tell them you go to the area to work and that's made harder for you by the poor nights sleep and all the extra effort involved. If your DH wants to carry on staying there then let him. You owe them nothing. Yes its okay not to like people. There are shedloads of people who don't like me. It strikes me that this little gang have got you on a piece of string.

People do it every day.

But yeah, I see what you mean.

Crack on as you are then 🤷‍♀️.

This is exactly the situation!!! And why I feel so conflicted....

Tbh, that actually sums up a lot of threads!

It wasn't stupid - it was necessary