Work Christmas Lunch - Truth or a Lie re. Attendence

[Recruitmentangst]

Just as it says on the tin, really!

Civil servant. Middle management. Decent salary.

Staff Christmas lunch this year is £40?! (Organised by the HEOs - so more junior and therefore lower salary). I feel really awkward saying ‘£40 is to much for two courses, not including any drinks’ when they earn about £30K less than me (pre-tax). But equally…it’s far more money than I want to spend.

So, AIBU to be completely honest (both with my team and with my own line manager) that £40 for Christmas lunch is just too much for me to spend? I don’t want to lie - I don’t think it’s necessary and I don’t think it’s a good example to set and I’m very much a believer of being honest about finances - but equally it feels a tad insensitive to be blunt when my salary is much more…

YABU: suck it up and go, or tell a white lie.

YANBU: £40 is a ridiculous amount to expect people to spend on food alone for a work event and you should be honest.

Truth, but not all of it. So just say "I won't be attending this year". That is not a lie. You just don't need to follow up with the excuse re cost. Never apologise, never explain! It's perfectly normal for people not to go on the work "do" - you can hold the fort in the office while they're all out, which usually goes down well, tbh.

Lie.

I'd think it was better if you were honest - it might spur other people into being honest too, leading to a change when they organise the next one. Nothing wrong with honest and open communication if it's polite 😃

That’s what I am sort of thinking…except they already had some pretty blunt feedback (not from me) last year when they wanted to somewhere costing £60! So they’ve already dropped the price to try and encourage more people to go 😩

I am a civil servant and our Xmas lunch is about that - maybe we work at the same place! Although not organised by HEOs, so perhaps not.

If you don't want to spend that, then don't go. Others are happy to spend it, so let them. Go for drinks with them instead if you want to socialise but don't want to spend £40 on food. Honestly it's really hard work organising the Xmas lunch, and the costs have gone up with cost of living etc and post-Covid. I think you'd struggle to get anything for under £30 where I live - and the place we are going is really nice, so I am at least looking forward to lovely food.

If you think it's important to have an affordable Xmas do, then organise it yourself. If you're not willing to do that, then you don't really have a leg to stand on moaning about what someone else is doing.

I’d think that the EOs and AOs would appreciate the honesty.

Always be honest with this type of thing. They don't know what your financial commitments are. If you don't want to give the reason you can just say you won't be coming this year and you don't need to supplement that with a lie or half truth.

Honestly though, these things are a nightmare to organise as you can never please everyone. If they went somewhere cheaper someone else would complain that is wasn’t a treat for Christmas.
Its extremely frustrating when people that have no input into organising these things complain once everything is sorted.
i would just suck it up, unless you are genuinely struggling for money. Otherwise lie- it’s not fair on your colleagues for you to complain at them when you’ve had not input. You volunteer to organise it next time.

I would probably just say you sadly can't make it this year. You are helping normalise people not going if they can't or don't want to attend for any reason with risking sounding insensitive to those on less salary or the organisers. The older and more senior I've got, the more I've realised that sometimes when you are young and single you can have more free cash, as older/more senior colleagues are likely to have bigger financial ties and commitments, mortgages, childcare etc. but often those without these commitments won't necessarily appreciate or understand this.

Just an "Oh gosh! I'm afraid I've already got a family thing booked for that night! You guys have fun though!"

Or just blunt honesty, "I'm sorry, but £40 is really more than I have/want to spend, so I'll bow out this year. You guys have fun though!"

Always end with wishing them well and an encouraging smile.

I always hated the work xmas "do". Forced fun with people I often didn't much care for. Usually miles away from home as well. And as I don't drink at work events (never have done, just made it a rule in my early 20s), it was pretty boring as well.

Glad I'm freelance now, so I don't even get invited! Fine by me!

The problem is, it’s hard to find budget friendly options around Christmas.

I think if the lower paid have taken on the totally thankless task of organising the Christmas do, it could look as if you are snubbing them not to go.

How much more is it than what you consider reasonable? £20? Is £20 worth the aggro?

View it as 75p per week towards Christmas goodwill within the team.

And maybe suggest paying for drinks individually so that those on lower pay and you don’t end up with big bills…

Next year get involved in the discussion early? We reverted to having a shared lunch where everyone brought drinks and a dish, a quiz, and the whole thing descended into a DIY Karaoke. It was much more fun than a meal out.

That’s what I am sort of thinking…except they already had some pretty blunt feedback (not from me) last year when they wanted to somewhere costing £60! So they’ve already dropped the price to try and encourage more people to go

There surely has to be some level of understanding from them that some people are struggling to find £40 to spend on doing things with their families, let alone on doing something with their colleagues where costs won’t include travel, drinks, babysitting expenses etc. I think the days of self funded Christmas dos are coming to an end. People just don’t want them anymore, which is evident from the dwindling number of attendees.

Does your department have any kind of well being budget? Are you entitled to a well being hour once a month? Would people rather have that hour for an extended lunch break where management were able to fund some pizzas or everyone bought in something for a buffet in the conference room? I suspect the uptake would be significantly higher.

It is a hard one. A lot of places do only set menus for Christmas work lunches and these tend to be overpriced. It could be disheartening for the person who arranged it if lots of people are complaining about the price.

However I do agree that it is a lot of money for a work lunch. Personally I would just ay that you cannot make that date and not offer any other explaination.

Not sure where you would go for a 2 course Christmas meal that's less than £40, maybe McDonalds.

Just say you cannot make it this year. If pushed, say the price is a factor.

How much would you spend and where would you suggest you go?

I think that’s kind of just what it costs these days ☹️, at least ours you can opt for 2 courses which is “only” about £25.

I think make an excuse, perhaps if lots of people don’t go they’ll get the message then when it’s being arranged next year that’s the time to say about cost.

lol at civil service having a wellbeing budget or laying on any food

I’m a lower grade than you and it is a lot - I’m kind of on secondment on a training thing but going back to my original team next year so am going to two team lunches 😆
I just factor it in to my December budget but it is tight.

As an introvert I think one of the best things about being a grown up is not having to go to parties! Remember the word No is a complete sentence, you don’t have to give a reason. £40 is a lot of money if you don’t want to spend it.

I'd just say 'I can't make it this year.' If people are cheeky enough to ask why, it's up to you whether you say, 'Just can't afford it' or to tell a white lie, like 'family commitments' (your money is committed to being spent on family not works outings.)

Ours was £25 last year and not enough food (sharing). It's £35 this year for your own food and I prefer that (although I'm hoping it's 3 courses!)

I might say something like 'Hope you have a great time. I'll have to skip this one as we've decided to prioritise kids Christmas presents/family days out etc this year, so I'm putting my spare money towards that at the moment'.

£40 is a lot. I would just say you have a prior family commitment you can’t get out of and leave it at that.

I did best part of 40 years in the civil service. The works Christmas do in the early days always used to consist of a rubber turkey dinner followed by a disco in a hotel, I always enjoyed those,people would really let their hair down, sometimes a bit too much!. Then latterly changed to a “better” meal in an overpriced restaurant followed by a bar crawl, and it was boring as hell.

As someone who is a HEO in the civil service I would just like to ask on what planet do you think that you as a G6 are middle management?

Oh this thread has made me laugh! The juniors probably don’t want their G6 to go anyway so just don’t go 😂😂

As a civil servant of 22 years this made me LOL literally…