To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

I would go to your manager now and explain.

1 you are not contracted to work on a Tuesday
2 The agreement they made was you work either Christmas Day or Boxing Day not both

3 just because you don’t have children doesn’t mean there are not children within your family you want to second time with, or indeed no reason for you not to spend time with any of your family

so they are discriminating against you and need to confirm which day you are working, either Christmas Day or Boxing day as you can’t do both as that is simply unfair.

Would you do Tuesday evening as a gesture of good will but explain it’s this once only, otherwise I would just say as I don’t work Tuesdays I can’t cover that shift

What have Jill's children "been through"? Having Christmas with their other equal parent?

Apparently it’s not decent for them to do so. Who knew!

This is what I’d recommend OP.

Sleep there will be shit load of childless people who partly due to this have been lumbered with caring responsibilities of family member. These responsibilities don't go away at Christmas.

Your posts sound incredibly judgemental and entitled under the guise of "be kind"

Why is a baby, who doesn't know what's happening, more important than someone who may have nieces and nephews, siblings, elderly relatives? "No, it's ok gran, you spend the entire day by yourself. Apparently a baby is more important than you." The thing is that it's never just that Christmas, it's EVERY Christmas.

@SleepFinally the problem is it will be every year, there will be new staff or a new baby or another reason
I worked 9 years in a row Christmas and NY, for all of year 10 off and had people complaining I didn't need it off as I didn't have DC and they needed to be home for their children
The same excuse they used for the last 9 years...

No, you prefer to live in a world where we do what is right and decent for people with children and those without can go to hell.

i feel you, OP. Say "no that is unfair"

did the one whose kids were at their dad's last year work both days? ask this.

I'm not saying that.

But given the examples OP gave I think OP is the one on this occasion that should work.

There may be different factors next year that mean she should take priority - it won't be a newborns first Christmas, the other kids will be with dad etc... so those mum's can work and OP can be off.

I personally think we as humans just need to consider each others needs at times like Christmas and do what is right for each other and what is fair. In the example OP gave, unless she has a very good reason, I would work that day because I would feel my colleagues have greater need. I would not enjoy my Christmas knowing Jill, Jane and Mary's situations and that I had caused them to miss out.

well they are since OP was explicitly told this.

Every Christmas with my elderly parents is special for me. Why should that be lesser?

Who is supposed to judge these "reasons"?

There will probably always be someone who thinks they have a better reason to have the time off than OP just because she doesn't have kids. But that doesn't mean it's fair for her to work every year.

No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal

Do what Sue and Karen do and enjoy Xmas.

It's not about people without kids missing out. Its about personal circumstance.

If I had no kids but my husband had been away in the army for a year and this was our first Christmas together, then I might think it's fair for the colleague with kids to work this one and give me the day off. If they were a nice colleague they might agree.

If I had a terminal illness and this was my last Christmas, then Bob might work this Christmas for me despite having his kids this year and wanting to be with them.

It's about human decency and understanding our colleagues needs and doing what is right.

Sometimes there are situations when we have to make sacrifices for others and this shouldn't always be about following the policy booklet, but using discretion and common sense..

Everyone who has requested it off "wants to be" off, obviously.

Management then has to figure out the particulars.

Adults understand why family members have to work Christmas day, young children likely won't. That's why people with young families are often given priority in the first instance. It's not rocket science (or rocket sleigh science 🎅) and its definitely not discrimination.

If you work in a business with 365 coverage, you've signed a contract saying you're obliged to work Christmas/Boxing/NYD etc.

If the min service level is less than the total number of staff, then of course there should be some degree of fairness as to who is in if everybody doesn't want to work, eg 'work one year, off the next', or 'work Christmas, off Boxing' etc

...but that's not always possible, and contracts will state a requirement to work bank hols.

OP: If you were upset by your managers comments about you not having children, you should raise it with his manager or HR. Presumably he wasn't aware of your situation? If he was, that's a lot more serious. Either way, you may find yourself getting the day off by way of an apology!

With regards to it not being one of your 'normal' days, they should have language in your contract/handbook about being able to change these...but equally they need to give you reasonable notice.

In general terms though, life isn't always fair, so don't take a job with a 365 business if you don't want to work public holidays.

But someone with a new baby shouldn't make sacrifices?

But you could have done Christmas on the 28th and your baby wouldn't have known.

Tbh if we're getting into judging reasons, I'd say those with kids say 4-9 (the age that "believe" and understand when its Christmas Day!) should get the time off over someone with a baby who has no idea what the date is

Before I had children I would always offer to work on Xmas day, I can see my family when I finish and celebrate but those with young kids only get so many precious years of waking up and seeing if Santa has been!

Those years are so magical and I would never take that away from someone, now I have kids and my colleagues kids are grown they return the same kindness to me, I’m glad I don’t work in some of the workplaces mentioned on here.

But some people remain childless throughout their working life. It’s not a case of everyone getting their turn. Some never do. Do you think people who never have children should always work Christmas? Do you think that is their place, to always work Christmas so those with children never have to?

Nice to know there are some nice workplaces and colleagues with common sense and kindness and who lack selfishness! Go you! And thanks to your lovely colleagues :)

Those working a 365 day a year business have to accept working antisocial hours/days but you cannot discriminate against individuals when making requests for time off. Personal circumstances are irrelevant. Those with children are not entitled to any priority.

I’m so sorry @boogiewoogie24.
YANBU.

We get it, you think people with babies and children should be prioritised over everyone else ever, always. Do you think that Jill, Jane and Mary care that OP is being forced to work every day over Christmas, including a day that not her scheduled day? The only way it would be remotely fair is if OP gets in writing that she has the next three Christmases off. (But we know that Jill will have her kids in two years time and Jane will whine that the baby is now a toddler and understands what Christmas is.)

That's just emotionally manipulative bollocks.

What if you give up your Christmas with your elderly mum so someone can spend time with a baby that doesn't give a shit what day it is as long as the milk bar is open, and your mum dies and you never get another christmas with her?

If we're doing the "aw baby's first christmas" tripe, we also need to do the "granny's last christmas" much harder.