To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

It's completely wrong OP, I agree - no one should be given preferential treatment because they decide to have children. Before I had children I loved spending Xmas with family so why are our needs any less than anyone else's?

I have a friend who works for a company that said she hasn't been in for 9am because of no school run and the mins can come in later. She challenged it and was told when she has kids she will get the same

What does your contract say in terms of not working Mondays and Tuesdays? I would refuse if Tuesday is not your usual working day, it’s not your problem to fix! you’re off!

@boogiewoogie24 I’d suggest you submit a formal grievance to your HR team. No one is ever entitled to a preference over holidays because they have children.

YANBU, that’s shocking. Everyone should have the same access to days of at Christmas, rotating if necessary. Not having children doesn’t mean you don’t have friends and family who you would love to spend time with, or the same entitlement to rest and a break.

I would be raising this with HR - it’s not an acceptable approach.

Maybe ask them to put that in writing for you and then go raise a grievance.

At our place we try and do one on, one off so Xmas off / NY in and vice versa so that everyone can rotate but we don't ever factor kids into it, people have different caring responsibilities, some are visiting family abroad as they haven't been home all year or people are coming here, some volunteer etc...

Having children does not entitle you to any particular events off (inc half terms and 6 weeks) and not having children shouldn't mean you have to pick up the slack.

I'm childfree by choice and in my 40s: NYE to me these days is staying up to see in the bells with a glass of champagne then bed by 1am.

Christmas Day, however, is when I play host to my extended family, including siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, elderly parents and in-laws and the occasional stray neighbour.

I know this may come as a surprise to you, but a lot of people without children are fully functioning adults with jobs, mortgages, pets and extended families. We're not crawling out of nightclubs with our designer handbags on our heads on a Tuesday.

I agree. Long before I had kids I loved Christmas and couldn’t give a toss about NY. Christmas is the most important cultural holiday in this country, access to time off for it should be equal for everyone.

Well, the manager has said explicitly it’s because of parent status, so in this instance, the OP is being conspired against because she doesn’t have children. And thousands of us have had similar experiences. Not everyone is exactly like you, ya know.

The pain of having three miscarriages must be really hard to bear, especially at this time of year, when you think what might have been.
This system balanced against who gets Christmas off due to children must feel like you are really being penalised. I can see that the manager is trying to be nice to those with children and it is backfiring. Could you speak to him and tell him how you feel? Could you also speak to someone about how you feel about the miscarriages.

I hope your Christmas is the best it can be. Take care.

Quite. I’m 53 and have no children. The Christmases I spend with my elderly parents, my in laws and my siblings are no less important to me than the ones parents spend with their children, and what’s more, I will have fewer of them left. I couldn’t give a fig about new year, and haven’t been to a NYE party since I was in my twenties.

How gobsmackingly insensitive and utterly missing the point!

It's not "swings and roundabouts" if you don't have kids and have to work every Christmas. And it's unspeakably painful if you want children and haven't been able to (yet).

If I had a magic wand, I'd let people like the OP have kids whilst these insensitive people went without - perhaps then they'd learn to appreciate their luck.

Do you always come out with such bollocks? Christmas and New year are completey different celebrations, I like Christmas but couldn't care less about new year, even when I was younger I didn't care about it.

I’ve pretty much said when I was in my twenties and did not yet have children, this was my exact situation, and I put up with it! Insensitive my arse.

Its discrimination. Absolutely request it in writing, that will get HR sweating (I'm HR and it would me!)
I used to have Mondays off in my retail job (as I worked all weekend) when the kids were young. One year Xmas eve fell on a Monday and the boss had me on the rota to be in. I pointed out to him that I don't work Mondays, had not arranged any childcare as I shouldn't need it and I refused to work. He didn't have a leg to stand on.

Well if they aren't happy they can raise a grievance but every year the people with no kids request new years off and people with kids put in their requests for Christmas. They don't work many hours Xmas day anyway , it's just a couple in the morning and then closed the rest of the day. So they do get to spend time with their families.

What does your contract say about your working days? If it specifically states the days, I don't think they can make you, unless there is something about Xmas working. Yoy coild well have a caring commitment. Or another job on tuesdays. I'd check with acas.

It's tricky. They should pay a higher rate for bank holidays and the problem would correct itself. You'd suddenly find people with kids being able to work because they just can't turn down 3x pay for the day....or give them a little bonus ..or an extra day in lieu.

Yanbu in the slightest.

I’ve worked as a senior retail manager and had to do Christmas schedules. I always felt quite strongly about everyone being given the opportunity to have time off with their families over the festive period, regardless of whether they had children.

It didn’t make me overly popular with those who had children, despite the fact I had a young child myself and also put myself in to work awkward hours. But it was fair to everyone and that was accepted.

Not having children doesn’t make people’s lives outside of work less meaningful and it’s very unfair when it is treated as such.

People without children don’t ‘often want this off to party’ for crying out loud. I’m 40, child free and I’m in bed by 9pm on New Year’s Eve and many of my childfree friends are the same. We aren’t all young party animals you know!

We have family, people to care for, animals to tend to… and we deserve the same consideration at Christmas as anyone else.

I guess you r not being massively unreasonable but in your shoes I'd accept the reasons for the others needing the time off. They seem valid reasons.

If you have no reason to be off, except 'i want to be' then the manager has to make a decision and the other people seem to have more valid reasons and perhaps asked him directly for the time off in advance.

Did you ask a few months ago for leave over Christmas? People with children normally do. If you want leave over Christmas my advice would be to put a request in around August. If it's agreed it can't later be changed.

Yes they do. They were deliberately obtuse on another thread I read recently.

The lazy old trope that people without kids don't care about Xmas and want to party on NYE. Not everyone with most kids is in their 20s

Wants and needs and child ownership are irrelevant. The only equitable way if everyone wants it off is to take turns.

//

100% this. As a parent I agree you have to take turns.

Why should the OP need to request the time off, when she doesnt even work that day?

Also "I want to be" is a completely valid reason.

You're not being unreasonable and it's completely unfair. I used to be a carer and then became a manager doing the rota. In about October, we'd get told to put in our preferences and it'd be first come first served. I always made clear to people at interviews we ran a 24/7 365 a year day service and working Christmas/New year was part of this. If you're applying for a job where there's an expectation you work Christmas or New year, it's unreasonable to think that having children means you're somehow more entitled to have it off than those that don't.

I hope you manage to get it sorted OP.

What gets me about this sort of situation is that it's often much easier for those with children to have a pleasant Christmas working than those without children. (Childcare issues aside - but then don't take a job where you have to work Christmas!)

With children you still get to spend part of the day with them, or can do big celebrations with them on a different day. Without children you are much more likely to be the one travelling to see extended family (much harder to rearrange several households meeting up) and more likely to end up alone on Christmas day after work.