To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

I used to be that free single person working Christmas then we lost my mum and well you realise christmas isn’t just important if you have children. If you celebrate it it’s for your family that you have. So ever since i’ve done my fair share but no more. My dad has limited time with us so i want to spend some time with him too as well as my extended family.

That’s no more important than someone’s kids. I’m my dads child. Christmas and new year is not the same swap. Most young people these days aren’t even arsed about new year.

People who have children have accepted a job in a 24/7 role and should understand that having children is not a get out clause of their own fair share in work.

I’d be issuing a complaint to wherever is suitable in work. If it’s in my contract i would not be working.

I can only speak from my own experience, but no ... if all else fails ADHD and "anxiety" about the parent being missing tides them through until the grandkids arrive, then it all starts again

Then there's the apparently inexhaustible supply of dying grandparents who are having "their last Christmas", including a few who forgot they'd already said the grandparent had died (and had paid time off for the "funeral")

Agreed. Also, why should OP need to share with her coworkers that she has had miscarriages? She shouldn't need to justify her time off by sharing painful, private medical information. That's both inappropriate and cruel.

Pisses me right off when people who don’t have kids are expected to work over Christmas like they don’t have other family or friends to celebrate with. Same with parents getting to book annual leave in school holidays first because they want to spend time with the kids. Well my colleague with Jo kids wants to go away this holiday with his brother and niece. Why not?

When started my career I was a young mum and I never expected to get preferential treatment. When my children were older I used to get shoved to the back of the pile for holidays and Christmas like once they are over 12 they don’t matter anymore. It’s not fair it should be evenly shared

spot on. There were even people upthread saying how important it was for their baby -who obviously doesn’t know the concept of Christmas Day- to celebrate with them on the 25th and how awful it was if we denied a family that. It’s not about the child at all.

And as a pp said in many cases you can still celebrate with kids and open presents, maybe even have lunch or dinner too if you’re working Christmas Day.

Forgot what poster this was but Lovely story about the partner and the kids who went in the nursing home on Christmas Day when their mum worked there!

All these parents who expect the child free to work Xmas will be arguing the opposite when their precious kids are teenagers/early twenties and expected to work so can't be home for Xmas.

@stormee
You can't really think any adult deserves their Christmas more than them. Adults can adapt, see family later in the day, still enjoy the festive time, but seriously don't think you're more important than the kids on the day.

Kids can adapt, see family later/earlier in the day. Various posters on this thread have talked about how this has worked out for their kids or themselves when they were children.

Kids are guaranteed to have their parent(s) around at some point during the day. Adults, on the other hand, could well need to travel to see family, and so not be able to see them at all. This is especially the case for single and childless adults, who will be the ones expected to travel, and who are expected to fit in with the plans of other family members with children.

@Slotted
This is not about the children. This is about selfish and entitled parents who think they are special because they have procreated.

@YellowAsteroid
It’s this sort of attitude - that childless adults are not deserving of what everyone else has - which causes so much of the supposedly “intolerant” attitude to children.

YY.
I actually think these sorts of parents are seriously lacking in empathy and imagination. They can't imagine that anyone else might have compelling reasons to not work Christmas, or even anything worthwhile in their lives. Also, having kids is the first time they've ever bothered to consider anyone else's wellbeing, hence assuming the childless somehow don't understand love or are selfish (as they were pre-kids).

Yes, I got told ‘having children names you less selfish!’ By the most self absorbed selfish person I have ever known. It must not have worked for her.

I am well aware of the margins of running a care company and I know it’s not a great business decision to say that one group of employees are more entitled to Christmas off than another. Quick way of getting people to quit and as you say they need the staff

In the care company I deal with it’s fair across all employees as it should be

Oh @fitzwilliamdarcy that really really sucks. Actually makes me angry reading it. Can you take more formal action? You’re being bullied.

I take it you’ve met my (former) childhood best friend then 😆.

She has used that exact phrase. 15 years on, I must remember every sniff and movement of each of her multiple children whereas I’d be lucky to have her remember to send a text on my birthday.

People think being hyper focused on their children is selfless but it’s not. Not when it’s to the detriment of everyone else.

Indeed I’ve noticed the most selfish people when they have it’s just like their net of selfishness extends to include their children and they progress to be self centred.

To be clear - I have many other parents friends and despite prioritising their kids (and rightly so) as good parents do they’re very much not self absorbed so not saying all parents are like this.

@NeighSayers

Also, having kids is the first time they've ever bothered to consider anyone else's wellbeing, hence assuming the childless somehow don't understand love or are selfish (as they were pre-kids).

So true! People always tell on themselves when they say you don’t know love until you have a child.

I can only go bh what one care agency told me that they try and say women with little kids shouldn't work the day but new year instead

It's not discrimination as the OP is not being treated differently due to protectic characteristics.

People need to stop saying this, as OP will get nowhere by saying this.

@Gunkle1

Just because something is not legally discriminatory doesn't mean OP can't make the point that she is being discriminated against.

I work in an industry where we have skeleton "on call" teams every Xmas. I volunteered for these every year before I had kids, because I couldn't bear the thought of a child losing out on Xmas with a parent.
We have others in the family who do work shift patterns so often celebrate on different days to Xmas anyway.
Now the children are older I do the same.
The magic of Xmas for little ones is only for a few years.

I've no kids and worked so many Christmases, new years, easters, summer holidays. I have a family, me and my hubbie! so now I say NO. Everyone was like ask her she has no Kids, she will do it!

So you expect those that might never have kids to work every Xmas?
Yes the magic of Xmas only lasts a few years for a child ,the thing once the magic is over for one child what about when another colleague comes along with a young child ?
I just remember someone I worked with when I was a nurse ,she worked on the same ward for 20+ years she never had children, there was quite a large turnover of staff you could guarantee thst every year someone would have a small child ,so by your logic this nurse should work every Xmas for 20+ years so that parents could experience the magic of Xmas?

Ah I'm so glad to read lots of the comments in this thread. I've been told on a different thread by various people that 'Christmas is for kids' which is hurtful both because I love Christmas and because I'd love to have kids but am pushing 40 and have been ttc + mc for years. I absolutely love sharing the day with nieces and nephews as I always do, though who can measure who it's more meaningful to? I'm choosing to believe it's for anyone who wants or needs it, and op, I hope you get off work as you absolutely deserve as much as the next person and have a very happy Christmas.

Yes, whenever I hear “having children made me a better person” I think “you must have been awful before then”.

And people tend to have more than one child. So it’s not just “for a few years” that they have a child who still believes in Santa.

Ugh.

Kids aren't the only ones who enjoy special moments at Christmas. And for young ones, they wouldn't know if it were Christmas, Boxing Day, or the King's birthday; those families could adjust and have their "magic" on plenty of days other than Dec 25.

Expecting some lifestyles to be subservient to others is supremely obnoxious.

This is so emotionally manipulative and so blatant, too! You're not even trying to hide your entitlement and trying to wrangle it with "kindness and decency." OK-so where are you and other entitled parents like you showing kindness and decency to anyone else? Or is it, as it so typically is, something you just expect to be granted year on year because "you have kids, don't you know?"

It's galling how blatant your entitlement is. Having children isn't a special circumstance. People have children all the time and they have to work bank holidays like everyone else. Guess why? Because they signed a contract at a workplace stating that bank holidays are a requirement.

Having children, funnily enough, doesn't and shouldn't free someone of their contractual obligations that they willingly signed up to.

A special circumstance would be someone having a parent who is terminally ill and for whom this Christmas may be their last. That would be a time when it would be reasonable to expect that colleagues band around and support that colleague to have that day off to spend with a loved one.

Having a baby isn't a special circumstance. The baby doesn't know it's Christmas and there's nothing stopping you making the exact same memories on another day. I do understand why people would want to be off-but if it's your turn to work-suck it up, buttercup.

I get that working and having kids is a massive juggle. I don't have kids and don't want them-but I do understand that. But it's not your colleagues without children's job to pick up your slack because @SleepFinally wants to make magic with her kids every Christmas, is it?

And you can say it's just one Christmas-but once this type of shit is allowed to slide once, it becomes normalised. Next year, Jill's baby will be a toddler and much more aware of Christmas so then Jill will pluck a new reason why she must have Christmas off and OP gets landed with it again.

And it's even worse if it's a heavily female-dominated field-like nursing, etc, because there's nearly always going to be someone in the team or joining the team who will have little ones. So, even when some of the other kids have grown up enough for their parents to decide they will work Christmas-other colleagues may have little ones and the cycle continues.

But of course-it's acceptable to you for people who don't have kids to routinely miss out on Christmas because well "kindness and decency, right?" With no mention of how the parents are going to show kindness and decency in return.

This is why the fairest way to sort this is via a rota-system. One year on, one year off. No quibbles and only the special circumstances (like the one detailed above) qualifies as an exception. People shouldn't get to use their parental status as a get out of work free card.

And colleagues without children are not parents dumping ground.

Said better than I ever could. Thank you! X

Some people will always be exceptionally entitled, as a young single nurse with no kids I always worked Xmas, I didn't really mind but what I found galling was when I had my own kids.nobody offered to let me have Xmas off with them
The only fair way to sort this out is to take it in turns ,there might be the odd person who volunteers to work, but that should never be expected.

If you are unable to make your child’s Christmas special at another time of Xmas day or the day before or the day after, then that is on you. As a doctor, I did my share of Christmas shifts with my kids. I still managed to make it exciting and special for
them. And they understood that I had a job to do. Some parents here really need to get over themselves and think about their parenting in a more creative way.

Maybe I have forgotten but there never used to be this emphasis on perfect parenting and perfect Christmases when I was growing up. People had a nice time and just got on with it largely. This whole precious attitude about the first Christmas with a newborn, the magic of Christmas being just for children etc feels like yet another nauseating example of indulgent and entitled modern parenting.

We had kids. It doesn’t make us more special. Bring your children up with unconditional love and support and fun, and adapt to different work timetables and whatever life throws at you. If you ruin your children’s Christmas by whining about having to work, then that’s your responsibility, not your workplace’s.