To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

@Slotted Well said!!

@Starso
People think being hyper focused on their children is selfless but it’s not. Not when it’s to the detriment of everyone else.

Indeed I’ve noticed the most selfish people when they have it’s just like their net of selfishness extends to include their children and they progress to be self centred.

Yes, I think you're spot on.
If it was just their deeply held values about kids being super special, the be all and end all, they'd have incredible empathy for those who are involuntarily childless. But clearly they don't!

Indeed I’ve noticed the most selfish people when they have it’s just like their net of selfishness extends to include their children and they progress to be self centred.

I think this extends to this thread, too.

When people who say “I think it’s dreadful that a childless person could be granted Xmas off instead of a mum, kids are only little for a few short years” are told “OK, but there’s not just one mum on a team - the childless oerson could end up working Xmas for a decade because of how many kids their colleagues have”, either they stop engaging or…

They say “oh I didn’t mean that the childless person should have to do it for a decade.”

So it’s not dreadful for the childless person to have Xmas off, as long as they’ve let one mum have the few short years she needs?

That wouldn’t happen to be you in this scenario, would it?

The message isn’t “be kind to mums”, it’s “be kind to me”.

I think some posters have probably never worked in a job where they have had to work Xmas, so can imagine doing it as a one off to help a mother with young children out ,but haven't considered the long term implications if this becomes the norm in the workplace
And some posters are inherently selfish ,they want special treatment for themselves and their kids but would never consider helping someone else out.

Beautifully put, harmfulsweeties, but you're shouting in the wind because some simply don't care beyond getting what they want and getting it NOW

As we've seen, even giving them their own way for several years in a row doesn't work; it just builds entitlement and encourages the manipulation, as happened to a manager on here who'd held the fort for her parent employees for years, needed one Christmas off to nurse her dying husband and had them all turn on her

The only really effective response is a simple "no", but as said upthread god help those who deliver it because you might as well be talking to a toddler

Indeed.

Those people who say “I never knew real love till I had children”.

I always think what shallow unimaginative people they are ….

Agree, yes you may gain a new lens.

The same as if a parent sadly gets dementia you start to view everyday things through the lens of navigating. Or a sibling experiences MH issues, your lens expands a bit. There's thousands of ways this happens and it would be rare for any adult not to have new lens added during our working life.

Parenting is one lens but as above there are many more.

The OP hasn't come back but all she needs to do is say I am not working Christmas Eve because it's a Tuesday and I don't work Tuesdays, it's my non working day.

If your employer would like you to swap your days and work your NWD they ask nicely. They don't demand, they don't simply put it on the rota and they don't tell you have to do it because you don't have kids or for any other made-up reason.

.

Is this a mum thing or are dad's equally entitled? Are only childless women expected to be flexible and never see their own spouse and families again during holidays or is the same expected from childless men? I don't normally like to do this gender swap thing, but I can think of only once when a man has been shocked he wasn't entitled to take half term off automatically.

I cant find it now but upthread someone asked why doesnt the child free person have the family travel to them instead of vice versa .
Maybe its because child free people are more likely to live in small flats or even bedsits!!! Especially if its social housing. After all they are constantly told that its all they are entitled to. So cant fit extended family in And there certainly is no dining room. Hah! Imagine the replies if a single childfree person or child free couple lamented their lack of a dining room in SH on here. But when it comes to accomodating parents who want every Christmas off the child free persons home is suddenly supposed to become like the Tardis!!!

Yes it does, as the employer does not need to do anything unless the law makes them. It won't change their mind on the situation and sounds like the OP is just throwing it around.

Situation sounds really unfair, why should OP work Christmas even when she never works Tuesdays. She’s also already working Christmas and Boxing Day … it should either be a rota for this holiday period or rota over the years ( if the team is pretty stable long term)
she should make up some reason why she can’t if they are going to be super unreasonable - already agreed to host family etc

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5216739-aibu-to-stop-this-multiple-christmas-day-madness?page=1

Two posts from the linked thread

Whoaretheytoday · Today 14:03

On threads where people without children or grown up children are upset they're the only ones made to work year after year to accommodate people with small children, they're told to grow up, they can have Christmas another day. Now we know why they're so upset, their families don't want to have Christmas another day so they never get Christmas with their family.

LakeUtah today 14.06

Well no, I wouldn’t want to do Xmas another day for family members that are not around on actual Xmas day unless it was husband or kids. If my SIL couldn’t make Xmas day then il keep a plate to the side for her but we do different things on Xmas Eve and Boxing Day so I wouldn’t be changing them because an adult couldn’t make it.

@JenniferBooth

Exactly.
And actually, I wouldn't expect an entire extended family to rearrange to suit one person/a couple. (A bit of flexibility so still doing special stuff other days to accommodate them is a bit different - but rearranging the "big" day, no.)

But there is the expectation that childless adults - single childless adults in particular - have to fit in with others plans, both in order to spend time with them but ALSO to work shifts to cover them. Basically second class citizens, whose needs always come last.

@NeighSayers totally agree with all of that

Also parents with young children are likely living with their children. Whereas adults might live further away from their family and therefore if they don't have Christmas off or can take annual leave they can't just do Christmas another day. Unless we're talking about weeks before or after.

In my case, once my parents hit their 60s, travelling really wasn't possible for them: Mum had severe osteoporosis and the leg blast injuries that Dad got in the war caught up with him in old age.

Ah, this thread reminds me of a few years back when my DH requested one week off in August, as we wanted to go on holiday.

His (then) manager said that she wouldn't approve it, as she was 'reserving' the whole of August for herself, as she wasn't sure yet what weeks she wanted to take off with her own children (his company was supposed to be first come served). She told him that she needed to reserve August for herself, as she needed to spend time with her children, and DH was welcome to take his holiday at a different time (as in prior to the school holidays).
He told her that whilst he could do that, he would be going on holiday alone, as I'm a teacher.

She approved his request, but rather begrudgingly, as it meant she had to work her own two weeks off around the one week (of the whole month) that DH had requested off.