To be fed up of having to work Christmas because I don't have children

[boogiewoogie24]

I work in a 24/7 sector so christmas day is a normal working day.

This year we have a new manager and we've been told that apart from christmas day and boxing day, we have to work our normal shifts. Those 2 days, we have to work either christmas or boxing day

I work weds-sun one week and weds-fri the other, so never work Mon and Tues. I've been informed I'm working christmas eve, which is a Tuesday. Of the 3 people who normally work the Tuesday late shift, 2 have very young children so are being allowed to either finish early (normal finish time is 11pm) or just don't have to work. The other person has older kids so is happy to work as normal.
So I've been told I'm working the Tuesday until 11pm. I questioned why when I don't work Tuesdays. Response was "you don't have kids" yeah that'll be because I've had 3 miscarriages over 10 years of trying for a baby.
I'm one of only 3 people who work at my place who don't have children. The other 2 are only in their early 20s so plenty of time for them to have in future. I'm nearly 40.

I'm also having to work both christmas and boxing day because it's Jane's first christmas as a mum so she can have both days off and Jill's got her kids this year and last year they were at their dad's so she can have both days off, and Mary's family are in Scotland (we are south england) so she can have the 2 days off to visit them. No doubt Sue and Karen will go off sick like normal... you get the picture.

I'm rambling I know. But basically I'm being penalised for being unable to have children. It doesn't matter that I find christmas incredibly hard and painful.

Obviously treating you like this is a disgrace but I would like to bring up another issue

If you are working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day…..when exactly are you supposed to go to mass!
Id be asking my boss that!

Christmas is the biggest celebration of the the year for Christians….it’s not all about kids!

I'd say the OPs needs are greater. Did you not read the part where she said she finds christmas difficult due to 3 miscarriages and infertility?

Maybe she wants to get pissed and forget or she wants to be around her loved ones on a difficult day.

I know I’m repeating myself but what about people who are religious!

This is, after all, a religious holiday!

Prob is carers have to work and at the minute care agencies can’t afford to lose staff and I honestly feel that some will leave if they are pushed to not see kids etc

Christmas morning is for kids. While they're young to get up and have a family morning opening Santa gifts. No mum should miss that while their kids are young, it's literally 8 times tops. First 2 they're too young, then you have 5/6 magical mornings before they're too old and don't believe.
You can't really think any adult deserves their Christmas more than them. Adults can adapt, see family later in the day, still enjoy the festive time, but seriously don't think you're more important than the kids on the day.

@Littlemissgobby Prob is carers have to work and at the minute care agencies can’t afford to lose staff and I honestly feel that some will leave if they are pushed to not see kids etc

And so will people without kids who have been expected to work Xmas year in year out and so potentially having to have Xmas alone, missing out on family and friend celebrations and/or leaving a partner or parent home alone.

As a student I was instructed I needed to work Xmas eve (retail) so people with children could enjoy the 'magic of the build up'.

That meant I was unable to travel home to my parent and so both of us had a miserable day alone 300miles away from each other. Business as usual from 27th onwards so we couldn't 'celebrate another day'

I wasn't even contracted to work on the day Xmas eve fell but was told I needed to cover.

I was one of their hardest workers and the cheapest and I handed my notice in in January.

I used to be involved in the care sector.

In one agency, anyone could request Christmas off. If more requests were received than could be accommodated, those who worked previous Christmas were prioritised.

Christmas morning is for kids, you say. Okay, and for DH and I, those kids are our beloved nephews. We have been through utter hell over the past couple of years. After a decade of trying and six miscarriages, we found out that we will never have children. I've been in hospital for long stays, multiple times, with a couple of scary, life-changing diagnoses that have completely changed what our future looks like. I'm in constant pain, DH is under serious pressure, I can't work so he's the sole earner. We've been through a very devastating bereavement. Life has been grim, and sad, and painful. Our nephews are a beautiful light in the darkness. I can't wait to spend Christmas morning with them. We will have a family morning opening gifts.

Obviously, time off work isn't an issue for me as I can't work due to serious illnesses. DH is on call, but has the day off. Is he not entitled to that? To spend the day surrounded by love, and support, and the wonderful nephews he'd do anything for? They also really love spending Christmas morning with us, the older one is already telling us that he has a big surprise planned for us on Christmas morning.

No, we aren't parents, but we do have family, we do have children in our lives that are so very special to us, and we do deserve to spend Christmas with those special people.

Utter and complete hogwash.

We all have our definition of what makes a magical Christmas. It's not just for kids. No one lifestyle trumps another when it comes to Christmas and the desire for time away from work.

You’re not special or more important because you had sex and got pregnant and I say this as a parent.

Your Christmas is also not more important than another persons just because you have children . This is an absurd notion and totally unfair with regard to work rotas.

Either call in sick or report manager to HR.

You can't really think any adult deserves their Christmas more than them. Adults can adapt, see family later in the day, still enjoy the festive time, but seriously don't think you're more important than the kids on the day.

Oh this is such bunkum and lacking in empathy or imagination. If I’m not able to travel to the rest of my family, I would have to spend 24 to 27th completely alone.

But clearly, I am so much lesser a deserving person because I haven’t managed to reproduce.

It’s this sort of attitude - that childless adults are not deserving of what everyone else has - which causes so much of the supposedly “intolerant” attitude to children.

This is such a patronising assumption

@SleepFinally you seem utterly insufferable and really rather ghastly as a person

Oh, the fucking ridiculous, patronising stereotyping. I get this a lot, from some particularly unpleasant family members (the same ones who have told me that life isnt worth living if you don't have children, and that you can only ever experience real love if you have children).

Those of us who haven't managed to have children don't all love going out to party on NYE. I really can't be arsed with it. I'd much prefer to be at home with my family.

Yup. It's incessant. I remember the Christmas after one of my miscarriages, we visited DH's brother and his wife with their baby. We should have had a three month old baby, so it was pretty raw. We were hosting 20 people for Christmas dinner, so I mentioned that we were busy getting ready for that. The response? A huge eyeroll, and 'for fucks sake, you can't be that busy, it's not as if you have any children. Why are you even bothering with Christmas anyway?'

Cousin said to me last year 'it's all about the kids, isn't it? What do you do at Christmas, must be very empty for you'. And my favourite 'oh, you're so lucky, you don't have to worry about making Christmas special for the kids, you and DH can just go off on holiday'.

Because clearly we weren't allowed to enjoy and celebrate Christmas, what with our being childless and all.

If you don't ever work Tuesdays just refuse. Let them know that you won't be in. If they want to discuss it with HR, it won't go well for them.

I used to do Christmas rotas for a large team of all women. I used to find it so interesting that the most inflexible entitled people were the older women whose kids were grown, and the younger ones with kids in a 2 parent family set up. The childless / child free and the single mums (who you'd think would have the most issues with childcare and logistics) were always the ones who were the most willing and flexible to do their fair share. I didn't put up with any nonsense and was always fair across the board, but the sense of entitlement from a certain group that they should have 'their' Christmas despite not giving a shit about others always made me wonder what it was exactly that caused the mindset. Just an observation.

Yes I think penalised is the correct word here. There’s is not a solution to where you can please everyone but just as someone doesn’t have children does that mean that should have give a day off which maybe their preference just because someone else was lucky enough to be able to have children.

Appreciate all the replies but until @mnhq Gets rid of the new "loading messages" crap, I can't read them all.

Such a lazy stereotype. Childfree and childless people don't automatically want to go out partying at new year.

Absolute load of donkey balls. Xmas is not just for kids and of course my personal circumstances/family set-up/'reasons' are more important than a random colleagues kids.

I think you have misunderstood. My suggestion is that those with unavoidable caring responsibilities are excluded. That is not all parents, nor is is just parents. It would likely be something that helps single parents with no wider family support network, but also those who have caring responsibilities for parents/ spouses where no outside support is readily available.

Everyone else would have the same opportunity for time off/ not based on scheduling principles at the employer.

What an awful attitude. When booking annual leave parents shouldn’t have any priority. They are an employee like everyone else. Your argument wouldn’t give an opportunity for those without children to make arrangements for the Christmas holiday.
DH worked many Christmas days - we just celebrated on a different day. It was no less special or magical for our children.,

So herein lies the problem should the Op work Xmas day forevermore because she doesn't have children?
Because its not just one colleague that has children several di and then once their kids are not children anymore ,a newer colleague might come along with the same selfish attitude that Xmas is all about them and their kids, Xmas is for everyone and the only fair way is to take turns .

It's only fair if everyone agrees to it
When I qualified as a nurse in my early 20,s my preferences was having new year off to go out ,but you can't assume everyone ,who is childfree/less and or single wants the same.