To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

[EdgyExpert]

I’m starting to feel like there’s an increasing trend of adults in their 30s and beyond living with their parents. While I get the financial pressures, I’m wondering if this is an issue of independence. AIBU to think that if someone is over 30 and still living at home, they should take responsibility for their own life and not rely on their parents? Does this indicate a lack of maturity?

Yeah I wouldn’t mind a man who lives with his parents depending on the circumstances. If he was say 40 and had never left home I’d expect him to have enough for a deposit. And I would want him to be used to doing his own laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.

it’s not ideal for me but I’d prefer that than a man who is a cocklodger. I was once talking to a guy online who disclosed he lived with his ex girlfriend. I blocked him super quick. It was clear he was looking for a new home to move into via dating 😂

Tbf I’d also be wary of a man who lived with his parents or flatshared and seemed
overly keen to move in with me.

I used to think this until I made friends with a young man at a gym and he suddenly bought his first house at 33 after saving up 130k. I though he was just a bit sad and liked living at home and not going out much.

I think there is a difference between living at home for financial reasons or to care for elderly relatives and being unable or unwilling to be independent.

My brother is 55 and never moved out. Pays a tiny amount in rent and gets all his washing and meals done for him. He doesn't help my elderly parents with anything and has a crappy job because he has refused all the opportunities he has ever had. He couldn't cope financially or emotionally with living alone.
He has never had to make any 'grown up' decisions and is basically a giant man baby.....

@henlake7 he sounds like he might be depressed. Wonder what his "crappy" job is that you judge him for? Does he judge you for all the times you missed opportunities in life or are you perfect...

Interesting @henlake7 Has your brother ever had a serious relationship? I couldn’t be with a man like that. I assume his elderly parents are the ones cooking and cleaning for him !

I think it is well, where I live anyway where flats are cheapish to rent.

@autienotnoughty In two years her and her dp have saved 10k

That's only 2.5k each a year saved whilst not paying rent and working.... I'd be pretty pissed off about having to lend them an extra 5k tbh

I'm in my 50's and when I was in my 20's I didn't have one friend who didn't buy a flat/house. So much easier then.

How does this affect your own life OP?
You seem disgruntled 🤔

Keeps her up at night enough to post about it on MN.

i have known men like that, and they are without a doubt undiagnosed ND.

I very quietly all sneaky like moved back to my hometown to evade my stalker. It was a very frightening time.
I was going to my parent’s house early every morning, doing their housework and laundry and cooking their meals and then getting home at about 11pm. I lived out in the country and it was dark and scary when I got home and I was paying a ton of money to basically look after my parents and just sleeping at my house.
So I eventually moved into my parent’s house. And when I did, my mum sat down. She sat down and let me do everything. So I don’t feel like I was “living off my parents” when I was running the house and buying groceries and working in the yard and feeding their dog and cats and doing just about everything that needed doing.
There’s a ton of reasons why people move back home besides just money.
Sometimes it’s for love.

No I think they’re lacking in the £75k required deposit to buy a home in a decent area.

I think the norms have just shifted, guided by the price of renting or buying property now. It isn't unusual for norms to shift either. It wasn't so long ago that it was expected that multiple generations of a family lived under one roof.

I get that it's more difficult to be independent when you don't live independently, but I don't think it's a default position by any means.

I agree.

I don't think it's through choice for the majority of them. They are probably living a miserable life which restricts personal relationships, etc, beyond their own control.

I would put it another way. It's difficult to be independent if you are living at home with your parents.

Totally agree with you . I so hope you are stalker free now and living your best life and recovering from that terrible time bless you 💐

Whose first step on the property ladder is a £750k property?

Mine was £325k not long ago and it wasn't in a bad area (Zone 3, London). Valued at £350k now, so a young person/couple would need a £35k deposit.

I have 4 DC and we lucked out on our house years and years ago. I will be more than happy for them to stay as long as they want & need to, as long as they pull their weight cleaning, cooking, washing wise. Why would I want them to pay thousands a year to a landlord if they do not have to? Makes no sense to me. I also have an unusually large garden for London and plan to put up temporary structures if need be in the future, subject to planning. You know the kind of prefabricated 2 bed, 1 bath, kitchenette type. If it is cheaper than renting, why not?

@Araminta1003

because sometimes young people have to move around and move away from their families and rent because they are training for a career and doing work placements or need to move for a job opportunity or whatever. Then renting is a good thing no? I wouldn’t be in the career I’m in now if I wasn’t prepared to “waste” money on rent

Oh, this again.
I am 39 and living with parents. I work but don't earn anywhere near enough to survive alone. I also have two chronic conditions.
I do my own cooking, cleaning and help around the house. I also save as much as I can. If I could move out tomorrow I would do so in a heartbeat as it's incredibly hard living with parents at my age especially as they make it clear they are the ones in charge and it's a my house, my rules set up which is horrible to live with. Other people can live happily with parents but mine are far from the easiest.
I live in the South East where even shared flat shares are extortionate. The only people I know who have managed to do it are those with much higher earning partners, those who have been given an inheritance by a grandparent or those who are given a sizable amount of money by parents. I have none of those privileges but sure, keep judging.

I think you are being deliberately goady to be honest.

@Autumnal589

That sounds really tough. Would you consider moving up north where rents are a bit cheaper so you could do a house/flat share maybe?

It's something I consider but I would worry about my illnesses flaring up and I would need to have access to a hospital which specialises in my conditions.

This thread is horrible to read to be honest. So much judgement.
I have had many challenges in my life but I'm glad I am not as judgemental and small minded as some of the posters here. That's who I see as the immature ones who have something wrong with them. Not a thirty something still living at home through no fault of their own.

You do you.