To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

[EdgyExpert]

I’m starting to feel like there’s an increasing trend of adults in their 30s and beyond living with their parents. While I get the financial pressures, I’m wondering if this is an issue of independence. AIBU to think that if someone is over 30 and still living at home, they should take responsibility for their own life and not rely on their parents? Does this indicate a lack of maturity?

Lacking in money more like. I moved out in my 20’s but I can see how bloody hard it is for young people these days.

People in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence money

I’m gonna guess that you come from a place of privilege. Rents are insane, have you seen them lately?

Mmmnn., i actually disagree with you there. IME i know a few mums who have put their kids off moving out over the years and now wonder loudly why their adult kids are still at home. ..the truth is it suits the parents as they use the adult kids as emotional crutches but would never admit it in a million years

I think lack of independence is a consequence of living at home rather than a reason for it. I agree it’s a problem though, hard on everyone concerned.

....plus they know if the adult kids move out then they are left with just their husband at home and they don't want that

No it's the money

I think in your 30s is fine. You might flit back and forward between jobs and relationships whilst your career is growing and don’t have the means yet. However, I would say, if you are still at home in your 40s then that’s really failure to launch.

YABU, and especially to assume that someone in their 30s that lives with their parents is not independent.
Many people are finding they are either leaving home later, or going back after a break up, or even go back as a couple so they can save for a house deposit. They live like housemates with their parents. You are just assuming that the parents are treating their offspring like a kid again and that everything is being done for them.
I know someone who moved back in with his parents in his 30s after a break-up, as he was in a posh city centre flat and could no longer afford the mortgage on his own. Both his parents have health issues that he can help with, and he manages to run his own business from their house. They recently moved into a new home, and he went with them.
I used to be a hospital cleaner, and quite a few men that were cleaners still lived with their mums well into their 40s and 50s. Looking back, they were ND and/or had a level of learning disability.

i moved back in with my mother in my late 30s after divorce and have zero intention of moving back out. We actually moved house together since and chose a house to fit all of us in.

We live more like a house share, and it suits me fine.

Not all of us are here temporarily.

@ssd

I know what you mean, but I think it most instances the parents can’t wait to get their house back to themselves again!!

Young adults with disabilities that can't live independently don't exist in the OPs world clearly.

The disabled are so very often an afterthought.

Are you writing an article?

No, it does not indicate lack of maturity. It indicates a changing society. This whole nuclear family move out and be super independent may have been temporary. Makes far more sense for society as a whole for various generations to support each other, as they have done for hundreds of years.

Can't you live at at home AND be independent? Work, Pay rent, do your own food/laundry etc as you would if living with a partner...

I think assuming people should live the same sort of life as you is a sign of immaturity.

Are you in a relationship/have children? Is that how you think everyone should live? That’s a massively blinkered way of seeing things. There are so many, many people who do not live that way. I’d just stop judging, honestly, it’s a happier way of living.

It really depends on whether it suits everyone concerned. As I said, my neighbor (62) is ready for her DD and partner to move out, partly because they also have their two younger children (mid-20’s) at home. They all went to university and do travel sometimes now, but it’s a lot for their parents to continue running the family home in their 60’s.
I think they’d like some peace!

Makes far more sense for society as a whole for various generations to support each other, as they have done for hundreds of years.

@Araminta1003 I agree that the dynamic can be mutually supportive, it all depends on the ppl involved.

By your 30s yes I would assume that it was unless there was some longstanding need that needed parental involvement.

If it were said to be money, over 30? Get your act together. I would not understand it.

Yep, this.
Some people treat living with their parents like a house share. Are you only classed as having independence if you live alone?
I live alone, and am not independent at all... I rely on my mum and partner to help me with day to day things, and had a team of MH workers in the past.

I think there is a large difference between

1. living at home in the same dynamic as when you were a teenager ie mum cooks, cleans, does your laundry, makes your bed

vs

1. you live at home, regularly cook for everyone, do your own laundry, share the cleaning etc like you would in a typical house share - you just happen to be sharing with your parents.

The first is clearly lack of independence and will move out and expect their unlucky partner to continue to baby them.

The second is independent and pulls their weight. Much better option for a partner than the first.

London rents have risen 31 percent since 2021. There are many jobs in London. If young people want to work there they're probably better off staying with parents.

Between 2009 and 2023, the average weekly rent for private renters in England increased from £153 to £231. Just think about that! It means an average rent in 2023 was about £920 per month. That's before council tax, bills, etc.. Food prices are up, travel costs more as does everything else.

Also supply outstrips demand. Estate agents and landlords can pick and choose. V tricky if you have a pet, and debt, low savings, low income and many other reasons.

So it's no surprise they're living with parents.

Thanks, I lived with parents for a bit after uni. I contributed to housework, cooked for myself and others etc

We were very fortunate to be able to help DD1 buy her first home with her boyfriend. She's only just graduated so simply couldn't have done it without our help. So, she is nicely onto the property ladder at only 21.

But she knows that whatever happens, she can always, always come home. Just because she's now an adult it doesn't ever stop her being out child.

Why have you started yet another of these threads. Stop 💩 stirring

Between 2009 and 2023, the average weekly rent for private renters in England increased from £153 to £231. Just think about that! It means an average rent in 2023 was about £920 per month.

£231 a week is £1,001 a month.

A month is not four weeks.

I think that’s very key, them being easy to live with. I am lucky as mine are very easy to be around, even as teens (young adult now). If they were difficult then it might be another story. As a single mum I love having them here or I’d be rattling around on my own.