To think people in their 30s and beyond who still live with their parents are lacking in independence?

[EdgyExpert]

I’m starting to feel like there’s an increasing trend of adults in their 30s and beyond living with their parents. While I get the financial pressures, I’m wondering if this is an issue of independence. AIBU to think that if someone is over 30 and still living at home, they should take responsibility for their own life and not rely on their parents? Does this indicate a lack of maturity?

This!

Regardless of the cause (money or otherwise), when the day comes that a child in such circumstances leaves home, I expect many will struggle.

The idea that you must move out from your parents home ASAP after 18 is a very Western concept.

I'm from a culture where putting your elderly in a care home is practically a taboo. Even if your adult children move away temporarily, generally elderly parents will move in with one of their children (usually one of their sons) or the adult son and his wife move with his parents.

On my street, there are quite a few men in their 30s or 40s who live with their elderly parents.

we could bring back conscription, that’d get em out earlier.

It's the people whose parents still do everything for them, don't make them contribute financially, etc I do raise an eyebrow at - my sister was one of them and is finding the most basic 'sharing a house with someone' compromises and financial requirements absolutely intolerable now because she's never learned how to be an adult.

My DB is one of these. He’s 45, lives at home with DM. He doesn’t contribute a penny. DM buys all his food, makes his meals, does his washing and ironing. He flies off all over the world multiple times a year on expensive holidays, and fancies himself a ‘globetrotter’. He’s on a very good wage, but can’t move out because of the ‘housing crisis’ apparently.

DM moans constantly about the stress he’s causing and how she wants him to leave. She won’t accept that while she’s enabling him he will never want to move out. He’s taking the piss big time, and she’s letting him. But he doesn’t see that he’s doing anything wrong because he’s never been forced to grow up.

I think this is a massive generalisation.

EDIT: This is coming from someone who moved out at 18.

We did our extension on our home so our kids have their own personal space and bathroom so they can stay and save as much as possible when working ( long way to go as still in highschool) but i don't want them to have a big mortgage when they do eventually buy and I want them to ne able to save to be able to get a mortgage. They will pay rent / board but not a huge amount.
My Nephew is only 20 started his degree apprenticeship after A levels and has saved £30k already as he is of the same mindset as are his parents about saving saving saving and minimising your mortgage

Depends on the situation I’d say but I do know some late thirty-somethings who are still living at home and not saving up for a deposit (they would rather be going out on the lash every weekend) and others who don’t do that but would just rather live at home as their parents are their social life (which I think is a little sad but who am I to judge) - I wonder how they will cope when their parents are not longer around though. I’ve known others who use it as an opportunity to save enough for a deposit on a house but that can take years.

I'd say the housing crisis has far more to do with it than anything else.

So what really if they are? If they all get along and help each other out why is it seen as any worse than living with a partner or living alone??

Love this post. My DCs are going to probably be similar.

@EdgyExpert It could mean capitalism stinks

Love this, please be my friend 👀

I'm late 30's. Currently living with my parents (paying rent/board) and DD4 after a marriage breakdown. For what it's worth, I'm also paying half a mortgage on a house I don't live in.
I cook/do chores where I can but I'm also working ft and have a much longer commute now I'm not living in my own house. It will go on the market and I'll get something of my own close by. But whilst I deal with the aftermath of the relationship breakdown/extended family bereavement/quite possibly the busiest I've ever known my professional life I am truly grateful for the support I've had. Even if it does mean my mum does most of our laundry.
Hope that helps.

A guy still living at home wouldn't bother me at all, in fact it's a plus-no baggage.

I'm 45 (M), western, no cultural norms for caring for parents, still live at home, happily married, nursed my late DF through dementia and he died peacefully at home, now look after mum who is mid 80's, sharp as a tack, but frail.

Over the past 20 years we have purchased all the equity in the house, so now technically DM lives with me and pays me rent rather than the other way round!

Never felt non-independent or in any way different for it. Have always had a great admirations for the many cultures who care for their elderly at home and pay back their care in childhood.

What constitutes independence? DS still lives with me whilst saving for a deposit
We split the chores, the shopping, the bills etc
I do slightly more cooking but that’s because I enjoy it
We each do our own laundry and ironing
DS does his own mental load jobs
Sit down every couple of weeks and work out what nights we are in/out or away which helps with pet feeding and meal planning

When I let my DH he was living with his parents, (in 40's) however he had lived independently since 19 but moved back during pandemic & due to MH issues.

My son earns at least four times as much as I did at his age.
I bought a flat but that same flat now costs ten times as much as it did back then.
He'd love to be independent but can't get a big enough deposit yet.

My parents love with me and DH and have done since the pandemic. I would like them to be independent and fly the nest but given that their options are limited to retirement flat or care home because mum is no longer able to manage without support, I guess I'll have to put up with it for a bit longer.

The lack of awareness from some about the difficulties that other people face in life is staggering.

Yep, I bet OP wont see it as the other way around... some parents move in with their children because they lack independence.

I have two dds.
Eldest is 24, she finished uni, worked and saved for a year then did a year travelling. She has been home nearly two years, we haven't charged rent but she did pay a % of food bill. In two years her and her dp have saved 10k , they have just bought a two bedroom detached house for 135k. (We have lent them 5 k)

Younger dd finished uni last summer and has her first full time job she plans to start saving for a house in April (after clearing her overdraft and buying a car) she plans to save enough for a deposit by the time she is 25.

Absolutely and nowadays more people are feeling less pressured to get married or settle down with someone, if they feel they haven’t met their person - this could also be linked to the increase of people staying at home in addition to the housing crisis and wage stagnation.

I’d certainly prefer someone stayed single and stayed with their parents than got into a relationship due to societal/housing pressure.