BiL explicit texts - WWYD

[Calmondeck]

I’m having a ‘did that just happen’ moment… have not disclosed this to my DP yet

Received a text from BiL asking for a chat. This is extremely unprecedented, we send the rare occasional birthday text or family photo.

I called worried something was wrong (DP is overseas on a work trip). BiL didn’t accept the call and asked if we could text instead.

He rapidly disclosed a hidden obsession with male on male oral sex and suddenly started sending me explicit images of random men, complete with commentary about what he’d do with them. His texting went on for 1.5 hrs.

I woke up today vaguely wondering whether it was a scam, but feeling certain it wasn’t.

This morning I got a perfunctory “I appreciate the safe space last night. Kindly clear the chat. No need to raise this with DP or (his wife’s name)”.

My mind is spinning. Any advice?

How did you find out he had messaged other women as well? Did you/DH speak direct to his wife? What on earth was her reaction to all this - are you saying that she is staying with him?!

When you say bil do you mean your sisters husband or your partners brother?

OP explained this 5 days ago.

My son had several teachers numbers when he was in 6th form

She's explained what she was doing in that time. Why accuse her of lying?

After everything that's happened in the past 5 days you think it might not be him? Why?

I don’t think so, I think he’s very comfortable sharing his sexuality with any willing or unwilling woman who will listen. I think that that is perhaps an element of his sexuality. And perhaps he prefers the unwilling.

Definitely speak to your partner

It’s not a stolen phone, when that happens as a stolen phone, then you report it stolen, then its locked out from any chats or any kind of use…..period

Show the txt’s to your husband, why risk anything like that with anyone, if you acquiesce to what he ask of you, then you are putting him in front of your existing relationship.

is that worth it!

I'd try to speak to him first, so out of blue as you say, it seems that someone may have hacked or taken his phone , if it's intentional then I would tell your partner,

This guy needs to start therapy asap… potentially whilst he’s in police custody… dangerous and possibly insane.

I'm a bit baffled by your DHs reaction. His brother sent you incredibly inappropriate messages, forced his "safe space" into your inbox and now has vilified you for reacting normally and they're still swapping messages?

I feel sorry for your SIL, it absolutely sounds like your BIL wants to isolate her as well as getting off on making other women uncomfortable but I can't imagine a scenario where you don't cut contact, at least to the utter bare minimum with him?

Wow what a creep. Sorry to read this. I'd keep your distance from now on. His poor wife...

Has he a history of mental health problems? Has he wo your trust through something you have helped him with in the past? Was he pissed?
I thought you were going to say he was inappropriate, in that he was being suggestive about you and he. The subject he has decided to share with you seems something you wouldn't dare share with SIL. Before you tell others and risk his life being torn, find out if he has been acting oddly, or there have been signs of being mentally unstable. He might be unwell, if not then give him both barrels.

He's no different from a flasher, exposing himself to random women in order to upset them and get a buzz for himself. It is rightly illegal. OP, I admire your calmness in dealing with this. He has committed a crime against you and two other women, and you have every right to report it to police.

At first I thought, if you don't want to involve police at present, let him know that if he tries it again you will report it. But now I'm thinking of his children. They are living with an (unconvicted) sex offender whose behaviour is unpredictable. Do you think social services ought to be contacted? I know it's not your responsibility, but if his wife doesn't take action, those children could be at risk.

I would reluctantly want to see him face-to-face to get confirmation that it was him, and establish he hadn’t been hacked! Too bizarre. Why would he think he can trust you with such a thing? Maybe if it really was him he wants to be outed!

Someone may have hacked his account to find personal information. I got similar messages from my niece's fiancee and it turned out to be a total hack. They were both mortified, as he had send naked photos to all of their contacts.

It’s only just come up in my email so I didn’t see it.

Your BIL a nasty pervert, getting off on exposing his fetish to unsuspecting women.

Your DH is a strange one too. My normally very calm DH would flip his lid if his brother did this. He certainly wouldn't be carrying on playing happy families with him.

When you go on a thread, click on "see all" on the opening post. Then you see every post made by the OP.

He can't just declare him messaging you a "safe space" start sending you porn then get cross when you tell someone. He sounds actually quite dangerous.

I would report to the Police OP.

What a grim and disturbing experience for you OP. I hope you are OK. I’m sure it’s not coincidental that your DH is away. He will 💯 % know the reaction he is causing.
What incredibly great and consistent advice you are getting from the majority of PP. This is not OK. Mumsnet at its absolute best. I would refuse to see or speak to him ever again. He is already twisting what happened to put the blame on you. You should be v angry about this. I would not be keeping this secret for him.