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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find a lost wallet and keep the money inside

407 replies

FindersKeepers1 · 20/11/2024 13:08

Today I found a wallet on the floor in ASDA. A decent leather, heavy wallet with credit cards inside etc. I quickly handed it into a security guard who then handed it into customer services. Told DH and he asked if I kept the money inside? He was half joking but said that he would keep the cash as a “finders fee” and that it served the boomer right for dropping their wallet (it was a wallet of an older man)

Tried to talk to him, would he really keep the money he found and he would! Although he then accused me of starting a fight.

OP posts:
taxguru · 22/11/2024 10:18

I think this thread illustrates the growing trend of increasing numbers of people only complying with laws and morals if they're likely to be found out and/or punished if they didn't comply. Totally wrong.

But the trouble is that people see others getting away with things, however small, like speeding, "cash in hand" work tax evasion, benefit fraud, driving holding a mobile phone, dropping litter, driving through red lights, drug dealing, etc., and just think "sod it" why bother complying when others don't.

It's the slippery slope, and caused by the haphazard way that laws/rules are enforced (or not) and people no longer being bothered by lack of morals in others.

Switcher · 22/11/2024 10:32

Careful he never finds my sister's wallet. Me and my DH both joke about this, but everyone who wrongs her seems to meet a terrible fate! For example, she's been dumped three times in her life: 1) Died of cancer at 40, 2) was on a rtw regatta when he dumped her, and it was abandoned because within 25 hours he got appendicitis, 3) lost his job...
When she loses things, even laptops on trains (seriously), they're returned in perfect condition, so I assume so far no stranger has met the hand of fate she appears to deal. So let's hope your DH never nicks her stuff! Only half joking.

Copernicus321 · 22/11/2024 11:00

The trouble is, this amorality, loss of a moral compass runs from the top down. There was a time when good moral character and honesty was expected from people. Now, when we see MP's and other business leaders embezzling and blatantly getting away with it, we just say, well why not me. I'm shocked at the shoplifting that now goes on in our high streets or people slipping items through on the self-checkout as if it's a harmless game. I still correct a bill in a restaurant even when it's not in my favour, if I knowingly paid for bill that was missing an item I would consider it theft.

As a country, we've lost almost everything, our industrial and scientific base and now we've voted Brexit, slowly the rest of the economy will slide away. The only thing we have left as a nation is that we were essentially an honest people, we have law and low levels of corruption (anyone who knows India will know what is holding that nation back). The minute our sense of what is right and wrong is replaced by what we think we can get away with, then this country has nothing going for it at all.

EdnaTheWitch · 22/11/2024 11:09

His values are in absolute contrast to mine so it would be a dealbreaker for me.

taxguru · 22/11/2024 11:15

@Copernicus321

The only thing we have left as a nation is that we were essentially an honest people, we have law and low levels of corruption (anyone who knows India will know what is holding that nation back).

I think, sadly, that ship has sailed. When you look at High Streets full of money laundering Turkish barbers, hair/nail/tattoo salons, ethnic stores and mobile phone accessory shops, none of which ever appear to have customers yet manage to pay High Street rents and have a disproportionate number of workers hanging around, I don't think we can say we're "essentially honest" anymore.

Nor when you see all the illegal parking, speeding, driving through red lights, mobile phone use when driving, driving without seat belts, cars without valid road tax or MOT, etc etc.

Nor the open drug dealing on our streets. Nor the illegal electric bikes or scooters. Nor the open litter dropping, street drunken-ness, etc.

Then we come to benefit fraud and tax evasion, particularly the "black economy" of "cash in hand" payments to avoid income tax, VAT and NIC.

Over the 40 years I've been an accountant, I've seen a big increase in tax evasion and benefit fraud, mostly due to lack of any kind of enforcement at "street level" so people do a "little bit" of evasion, get away with it, and so do more, tell their friends and family, etc.

As there's no political will for better enforcement by the various government agencies, police, councils, etc., for the "small" crimes and rule breaking, I can only see things getting a lot worse.

Angrywife · 22/11/2024 12:06

Pretty sure he could be charged with theft if there was a way of identifying him from the cameras.
People have been charged for taking money left at a cash machine that wasn't theirs.
Dick move on his part.

HamptonPlace · 22/11/2024 17:01

Justleaveitblankthen · 20/11/2024 16:14

Someone who runs a cash business and on their way to the bank (Hairdressing/window cleaning) or someone directly from the bank on their way to pay a bill for an elderly/infirm/ relative, to name just two examples.
I very rarely use my card and run a CASH business. 40% tax payer, totally above board.
We are not all drug dealers 🙄

A rare thing I get these days! I went 2 years without a wallet (until this year), travelling to several countries in that time - and never had a problem buying anything! So just surprised farmers markets (ven buskers!) these days typically have an inexpensive car machine (which charge (I think) about 0.3/0.4 %). If they don't have one, they aren't going to get my custom, and I think this is true of a large portion of the population... and will become increasingly so...

LouH1981 · 22/11/2024 17:24

It would be Theft by Finding. It’s a criminal offence under The Theft Act.

HemlockStarglimmer · 22/11/2024 19:55

I found a pay packet years ago. More money in it than I earned in a week. The envelope was ripped and no name was visible. I took it to the police station in my lunch hour.
Told my boyfriend when I got home that night and he was furious with me.
Joke was on him though as the money was never claimed and I was allowed to keep it. I spent it all on myself.
OP’s description of her husband reminds me of him. He’s long since an ex.

lilkitten · 23/11/2024 12:28

I'm AuDHD too OP, I wonder if he's using any uncertainties you might have around how other people think to make you thing he is normal. He also comes across as narcissistic, and it's known we can have more relationships with people like that. I couldn't steal from anyone, I can't understand him at all

cleanasawhistle · 23/11/2024 12:32

I found a wallet in a supermarket carpark a few years ago.
It was that full of notes that it wouldn't fasten,didn't cross my mind to take any of the money.
I went back into the shop to hand it in

Ciderisrosier · 23/11/2024 12:34

Having had a lost wallet and had the cash in it stolen by a “Good Samaritan” who handed it in he is being very unreasonable.

Moellen54 · 24/11/2024 08:25

Hope he never drops something important to him with that attitude. I would be appalled by that attitude!

Tortielady · 24/11/2024 13:10

OP, I hope you are able to put some distance between yourself and your utter charmer of a spouse, for your sake and that of your children. Given his lack of integrity, how long will it be before he's flogging off your jewellery or shaking the children down for their savings? Or you have the police at your door because of his casual attitude towards office supplies, other people's wallets, road manners etc?

Bertielong3 · 24/11/2024 13:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

sunflower85 · 24/11/2024 18:41

He’s a thieving scrote then, no less.

Luckily for all you found it and not him, as he’d now be looking at legal action for theft.

Something similar happened locally to me last year in Tesco. A gentleman left a large sum of money behind in the toilet, realised shortly afterwards and went back to retrieve it, and it was gone. Our local police force posted on their Facebook page to say that they had clear footage of the culprit as only one other person had entered the toilet between the man leaving and returning, and he had 24 hours to hand the money back otherwise his image would be shared all over Facebook.

The money was swiftly returned.

Even if there are no cameras, taking something that isn’t yours is disgraceful behaviour.

I once accidentally stole something from a shop, I was in a clothing shop looking at a pair of trousers, lifted a pair and wasn’t sure about them so put them over my arm whilst I looked around to see if I could see any nicer ones, but didn’t and left without making a purchase. It was only when I was in the next shop I looked down and to my horror saw the trousers still draped over my arm.

I felt awful skulking back in past the store detective to put them back.

BasiliskStare · 25/11/2024 16:14

I can't abide people who are fundamentally dishonest / low morals - now I know that is me being judgmental . Taking money out of a wallet is dishonest , I think. Finding £20 in the street without a purse the police won't be interested. I know I have done this. £1000 they probably would.

Many many years ago my brother knew a person who went out and took a whole load of bouquets from where someone had had a car accident o she could could put them in a vase in her house - is that dishonest or just poor morals / judgment

toomuchfaff · 25/11/2024 16:19

My mum 82 dropped her purse recently, absolutely devastated she was, went the route 5 times in the hopes of finding it, didn't want to admit to the scenario that saw her loosing such a valuable asset. An amazing person handed it in untouched.

I hope your wonderful husband loses his marbles as he get older (in the next few weeks) and starts forgetting his pants when leaving the house.

Seeing an elderly relative be devastated about losing a wallet, blaming themselves, they should have done better, age is against them etc.

And to think of taking their money? It's their own fault?

What a horrible character

AInightingale · 26/11/2024 22:29

That's a greatly heartening story @toomuchfaff. Remember about ten years ago, an elderly couple near me drove off with a handbag containing a month's pension money on their car roof (yes really) and some bloke found it lying in the road and returned it to their door. There are still decent people about...

LeticiaMorales · 27/11/2024 07:10

ilovesooty · 20/11/2024 13:10

Your husband's attitude is disgusting. What kind of values is he teaching your children? Has he always been ageist, dishonest and a bully?

This. What a horrible man.

FindersKeepers1 · 27/11/2024 09:12

Tortielady · 24/11/2024 13:10

OP, I hope you are able to put some distance between yourself and your utter charmer of a spouse, for your sake and that of your children. Given his lack of integrity, how long will it be before he's flogging off your jewellery or shaking the children down for their savings? Or you have the police at your door because of his casual attitude towards office supplies, other people's wallets, road manners etc?

Luckily he would never take anything from me or the children. I know because I have a habit of leaving notes lying around in the bathroom etc and I always know how much is there. He’s very generous with his money too/gift giving. His sketchy morals are obviously a problem though. I bumped into a lady in the park the other day who was frantic as she had lost her house keys and car keys. I helped her look and she had the whole park looking. Told DH and his response was “serves her right” (for being so stupid/careless)

He would never take any of my things either but has the attitude that it is the persons fault for losing an item outside of the house, it’s careless and basically serves them right if they don’t get it back and someone pinches it. To me, that screams a massive lack of empathy, everyone makes mistakes and loses things, you don’t know what is going on in someone’s life either. He apparently has never misplaced anything in his life or had anything stolen as he looks after his things. He gives me a hard time if I lose things or if I’ve lost an item outside of the house - again - it serves me right for being stupid and careless according to him.

OP posts:
FindersKeepers1 · 27/11/2024 09:14

He has a superiority complex and looks down on others.

OP posts:
LoyalMember · 27/11/2024 11:47

FindersKeepers1 · 27/11/2024 09:12

Luckily he would never take anything from me or the children. I know because I have a habit of leaving notes lying around in the bathroom etc and I always know how much is there. He’s very generous with his money too/gift giving. His sketchy morals are obviously a problem though. I bumped into a lady in the park the other day who was frantic as she had lost her house keys and car keys. I helped her look and she had the whole park looking. Told DH and his response was “serves her right” (for being so stupid/careless)

He would never take any of my things either but has the attitude that it is the persons fault for losing an item outside of the house, it’s careless and basically serves them right if they don’t get it back and someone pinches it. To me, that screams a massive lack of empathy, everyone makes mistakes and loses things, you don’t know what is going on in someone’s life either. He apparently has never misplaced anything in his life or had anything stolen as he looks after his things. He gives me a hard time if I lose things or if I’ve lost an item outside of the house - again - it serves me right for being stupid and careless according to him.

In all honesty, this screams either a superiority complex or he's a sociopath. There's a disturbing lack of empathy here.

NineDaysQueen · 27/11/2024 12:00

He sounds such a catch

ginandlemonade23 · 27/11/2024 12:11

That is a horrible attitude and more a reflection of society on the whole these days. I would also worry that the staff would just keep the money if handed in tho

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