To think this dad is being very rude and inconsiderate?

[bananabread2000]

Instead of birthday party my DS (8) asked if we can go to a theme park, just him and his best friend (let's call him Mark) with me, DH and our younger DS (2).

I messaged Mark's dad and asked if he was allowed to come with us, and he replied saying he'd love it and we would sort out the details nearer the time. My son was absolutely delighted as has been going on about it for weeks but last week told me that Mark's dad and younger brother are also going to come. I replied that I hadn't heard anything about that and maybe he'd misunderstood etc.

Then yesterday at school pick up, Mark's dad approaches my DH and says he'd like to come to the theme park and bring the younger brother, he would pay for them both, maybe we could all go in one car and is that ok? My DH felt completely put on the spot because this was in front of the three kids and the younger brother had clearly already been told he could go but he muttered something about speaking to me and needing to check plans 🙄

Am I being unfair to be annoyed with Mark's dad about this? I know from previous play dates that it's a difficult dynamic when it's the 3 of them because the younger one feels left out and this was supposed to be my DS's birthday treat so shouldn't it just be who he wants to invite, not all the hangers on?

I can't shake the feeling that the dad just didn't want to have the slightly harder conversation about why the younger son couldn't come. My DS is now disappointed at having to "share" his birthday and his time with his best friend. Am I being unfair? Any thoughts on how to untangle this without it turning into a big drama?

Does anyone have a 7 seater?

I don't think the dad is rude you are taking your other child so he prob thought he is paying for himself and other chlld what the issue.
Obviously If no space in car that's different unless he drives himself
End of the day you r going to have to havd a 2 year old who will get grisly around a theme park to

Also tye concept of sharing well maybe youf son needs yo understand that he needs to
I get it it is his birthday but he's sharing time with his own brother to

Maybe the other brothers dad sits with the said 6 year old on rides then it's doable

Cant you just say “sorry thats not possible there is no room in the car”

I can't help but wonder since he's approached your DH about it and suggested the one car than in CF Dads head it's now a boys trip. Him your DH and the three boys. I think it's next level CFery!

DH has fuelled this, he should have said no straight away.

Helicopter parenting at its worst. The child has been invited along on a special day out for his friends birthday. Other parent accepted invite. An 8 year old spends all day at school without his parents and is perfectly capable of coping without them for a day with another family who I am sure are also perfectly capable of taking responsibility of another child. They are looking forward to a special treat day with their family doing something that the birthday boy wanted to do and to bring his best friend along. Best friend either goes along with family or doesn’t. Other Dad inviting himself and another child is totally unacceptable, rude and embarrassing. I think just a gentle explanation of the above very factually is all that is needed. If the other Dad chooses to take his younger son along on the same day to same place then that’s entirely up to him but it’s a shame for the older son as it’s a special treat to go out for the day with his best friend and their family. This is just so much about what’s wrong with kids these days, give your kids some space to have their own life and experiences!

Because it would just be not pleasant to have a child kicking off/crying at the front of every ride because he can't ride with his sibling/siblings friend. Yes so what fair enough the dad can parent him but it does change the vibe of the day. Maybe not ruins it but changes it for the bday kid who has said he just wants his best friend there. Clearly you are a parent who just thinks everyone should accommodate your children only and not think about the other child in question eg. The bday child wishes!

This feels a but rude to me, you don't accept an invite for your DC then expect to add on two extra people. Tell Mark's Dad you don't have room in the car and you'll only have room for Mark. Maybe he'll change his mind if he has to drive and pay for his petrol

Why though? your other son isn't invited to the party, so it's not as if you, the parent, are excluding one child. surely this is a perfect opportunity for the non invited sibling to have a really awesome 1:1 day with their parent(s), and do something completely different. Maybe because my kids are older, maybe because parenting has really changed over the last decade, but when one of mine was invited to a party, the other one loved having me to themselves. If money was okay I'd take them swimming or a cafe, if money was tight we'd go home and play some games or go for a walk together. They quickly forgot their sibling was off having fun with friends.
I used to relish (still do) having 1:1 time with my children, and kids need that time too, whatever their age, children (even adult children!) sometimes just want their parent to themselves.
This is a brilliant opportunity for dad to have some time with his younger son on his own. It will be really good for their relationship.
As an aside aren't most theme parks height rather than age restricted? I think if dad is worrying about his 8 yr old son going to a theme park (with loco parentis) then he might need to work on his anxiety.

Unbelievably rude. Not a chance I would go along with it.

I'm on the fence about this: I think inviting yourself to things is pretty rude and I would never do it unless I was in a really tough spot. And the car thing needs to be thought through.

But I couldn't get too excited about having the dad and one extra kid along. I'm a "more the merrier" person and I can't understand why people get so precious about having more people than they planned for and having extra people tag along, particularly if there's no additional cost. I see tons of threads on here about people feeling really upset because one friend invited another friend along to a social event: I can't see why its seen as such an infringement, personally. You deal with it, everyone copes, no big deal.

Providing you can sort the car issue out and there's no additional cost I would just go along with it but I appreciate a lot of people don't see it like this.

I can understand if the dad wants to tag along if he thinks his son is a bit too young for a big day out without his family but then if that's the case, he should have just declined the invite at the beginning.
Just out of curiosity, you say you're taking your 2 year old but how will that work? Presume either you or your partner will take the little one on the 'baby' rides and one of you will be with the older boys? So that will be 3 people in the 'big boys' group, so someone will have to sit on their own on the rides? Or is it somewhere like Legoland or Paultons Park which are much more young child friendly? Sorry, just my brain trying to work out the logistics!

I don’t think he’s being rude or inconsiderate, rather a simple miscommunication, especially if the children still at age where adults often accompany them. Easy fix with a clear but polite conversation.

I don’t really understand the issue, just say there isn’t room in the car. Obviously you can’t stop him going too if he wants to. And another adult would probably work out well as one of you will be with the 2 year old.

Well, I said “uncomfortable” not fearful. But as you’ve mentioned it, has there ever been a parent raise a child without fear? There’s usually a constant underlying fear of all manner of risks. It’s how parents remain alert to danger or lesser poor outcomes for their children.

The car situation is your out. Message the Dad, say you can’t fit in the car so you won’t be taking them, put it firmly “we won’t be taking you”. If they go independently don’t meet them. Mobile coverage is awful at that theme park isn’t it? 😉 if you bump into them make no exceptions for the younger child, just do what you were planning to do. Can you afford fast track passes for the two boys?

Did you read my post? I said I'd keep the other child separate. There's nothing wrong with the other child being taken to AT, the problem is the dad trying to crash the party.

The child might have asked his Dad to come because he doesn't want to go alone.

If you tell the Dad he can't come, be prepared for the boy to pull out too.

Personally I'd just go along with it, it's not what you planned but I'm fairly sociable and would be happy to get to know their family a bit more and have an extra child to join in with the excitement. The 4 of them might have a blast.

Sounds like Mark’s parents aren’t comfortable with him going on a one hour drive to a theme park with another family (not sure how well they know you?) I know I would feel very anxious about my 8 year old doing this unless I was very, very familiar with the adults taking him. Even then I would be antsy until he was home! If I were his dad and you told me a flat out ‘no’ to a parent coming and that you would only take him alone, I would feel hugely uncomfortable about that and probably find a reason to back out altogether. I wouldn’t react well to anyone being forceful about keeping my child away from his parent. Obviously you have your reasons but that’s just how I would feel and Mark’s parents may well too.

8 is very young to be taken on a day out like this without any of their own family. I think Marks dad is just trying to navigate the situation he has been put in without creating awkwardness. And as for the idea of 8 year olds taking themselves off to the rides…..WTF 😂

Dad and younger brother can go off and enjoy the rides the younger brother enjoys. Annoying as it is, the dad is a free agent and if he wants to take the younger brother to the theme park the same day you are taking the older brother then you can’t stop him.

The car situation is easy - explain they won’t fit. I would take the older brother/friend in your car on the way though if you can.

Yeah same here. It’s a long way away (presumably over 30 miles). I’m guessing he doesn’t know you well socially seeing as you don’t seem to like him much. I wouldn’t feel comfortable at such a young age - it’s not like they’re 12.

If you really want to be petty then tell him that you’d prefer it if he didn’t walk round with you at the theme park. Just don’t expect any future friendliness or favours from him but at least your DS’s birthday won’t be ruined right.

Also you might find that the 6 year old is chilled and happy going round with his dad and that it’s your 2 year old who has a tantrum and puts a downer on things.

Agreed. This isn't a big deal in my eyes at all, just tell him your car isn't big enough, but maybe you'll bump into each other on your way round.

Surely you didn't offer to take friend's Dad and the other son so just say no. We were offering to take DSs friend only, if that doesn't work for you then don't worry about it we will perhaps see kid another time.

Your DS may not get his friend to come but no way would I want another family joining my kids birthday party and sometimes you just need to have boundaries!