to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

Thankyou, it was only the first night I had to go back though to get the cat sorted, I've been staying at my dads place when I've needed to.

@TheTidyBear yes, that's exactly how I saw it which is why I called that Sister out so vehemently. If you were throwing a tantrum over the cold cup of tea she had just made for you, I would be saying something quite different to you.

You only have to read the posts from our lovely nurse ' naughty' on here to see how terrifying some people actually can be in positions of power over the vulnerable.Very scary.

I spent thirty mins today stopping Jasper leave the ward. Jasper has dementia and can’t find the toilet and the way back to his bed. The two nurses trying to cover the ward needed to deal with another patient behind curtains so I chatted to Jasper loudly so they knew he was still in the ward. Jasper is nothing to do with me.
My DH was snoring his head off getting some well deserved sleep.

felt like I was in a Ben Elton comedy!

it’s hard for everyone at the moment. I’m sorry OP you’re going through this. My friend says grit your teeth and have a smile and wave approach and generally people are more happy to help (I then go in the loo and have a silent scream if needed) 💐💐💐💐💐

Yeah I agree, and appreciate.

I've said I can't recall the exact wording, I think I said Hi, I probably did.

But the thing that matters, is that I wasn't pissed off or angry when I approached the desk, just very tired and extremely worried. Basically what some people are saying on this thread is that you aren't allowed to be tired and extremely worried at a hospital. I can see how ridiculous is it.

The nurse should show compassion to each and every person that comes into hospital, especially someone asking where their father is.

I am sure there are some wonderful nurses out there who would never speak to people in such a patronising way, but sadly I know how of quite a few deeply unpleasant nurses.

We can all be jaded by life and our jobs, but you should not take it out on those that should be cared for, patients and their families.

I do wonder, do some people here go to funerals and then when the bereaved aren't stopping to say "hi, how are you", they pull them up with "mind your manners, they cost nothing you know"

😂

I don't think I've written a post of my own on MN before ( scratches head) because although I love MN for the most part and I love the threads on many boards - when you're vulnerable and you post on here it tends to attract some odd characters who are just seething with internal anguish and a need to offload that anguish on the OP - a bit like Sister Ratchet did to you. It's bizarre, but it's definitely a thing on here.

I will use the mantra and believe me when I say this; 'It is not you!!' 🤣🤣🙏😘

The nurse was horribly, disgustingly rude. Unfortunately some nurses are on a huge power trip and think a lot of themselves and their own importance. I hope your dad gets well soon.

Totally unprofessional. I think I would have lost my shit in your position.

And yes, that wouldn’t have been professional either, but I wouldn’t have been there in a professional capacity.

She might not know your back story of the long a+e wait how long you've been there etc. If you literally just walked up and said wheres my dad I would think thats rude if you had said excuse me sorry im just wondering where my dad is then thats acceptable. She should have also not replied in the way she did she should have been nice back though. Did you meet her previous or was this a first encounter i.e. did u see her earlier you first dropped him to the ward?

@Yousay55 don't let nurse naughty hear you say that. She'll probably wish you dead and then switch off some poor soul's call bell in a rage during her next shift.

There was nothing, NOTHING about my tone or demeanour or what I said that was rude. I'm not sure why I should say sorry to someone on a desk that tells you where the patients are for asking where a patient is. Am I supposed to walk into a sweet shop and say excuse me, sorry, I'd like to buy this?

I didn't drop him into the ward, he was going up there when I left A&E.

I honestly don't think she needs to know anyone's backstory, hospitals aren't easy and relatives aren't going to be 100%.

I’ve spent many hours in A&E and on hospital wards with my elderly mum over the last few years and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is the last place you will find empathy or compassion. As for being overworked….. some nursing staff in particular are damned good at making sure they are not. I am no spring chicken myself and now I dread the time when I might have to rely on these so called professionals.
OP I hope your father makes a speedy recovery so he can get out of there.

YANBU. When I was being induced with my son I was 36 hours in and crying in pain/sobbing for help/keeping the whole ward up at 4am. I went and tried speaking to the midwives in charge, they were sitting watching tiktok and I absolutely couldn't believe it.

I should've said something and didn't.

'I'm not sure why I should say sorry to someone on a desk that tells you where the patients are for asking where a patient is'
You think that's all they are doing? 🙄

I dread the time when I might have to rely on these so called professionals.

Rings so true for me. Thankyou for your kind words and hope your mum is well.

We're not here to do your thinking for you, if you want to make it clear then put up a sign of what you expect relatives to say and do. That does actually cost nothing.

Sorry that's awful

Wow.

So... You can be rude and dismissive, but you're just being 'direct', but the Nurse isn't allowed to call you out on your attitude?

Sounds about right. No wonder no one wants to be a Nurse anymore.

Another nurse here. That’s absolutely appalling behaviour you received.

My father has spent last few days on the ward following A&E admission.
He has Alzheimer’s. Staff gave me different accounts of his time on the ward. He’s eating well. No I doubt that very much. He’s walking up and down the ward stretching his legs. Again I doubt that as he is unstable on his feet and needs support.
When I went onto the ward, the couldn’t recall his name, constant mispronunciation.

Even when I called up in the evenings, staff asked me are you sure he’s on this ward? And of course he was.
Then on his discharge Sunday evening, they arranged hospital transport (I’ve young children so unable to collect him). He left hospital wearing hospital pjs and a cardigan (even though I had took in a bag of clothes and asked nurses to please make sure he’s appropriately dressed) at 8.20pm and arrived home at 10.10pm. He lives 15 mins away from hospital. So he was the last dropped off home wearing inappropriate clothes.

I have been thinking of complaining but will it be taken seriously? I doubt it.
May get an apology but nothing will change.
He is home now with his family.

@TheTidyBear best wishes to you and father. Stay strong!

The nurse was patronising and rude. In a busy A and E situation isn’t it better somebody gets straight to the point of what they want?

I don't think what you've said sounds that impolite OP. Direct but not rude. You're certainly very patient and gracious. More than I would've been under the circs. I hope your father is feeling better.

If you literally just walked up and said wheres my dad I would think thats rude if you had said excuse me sorry im just wondering where my dad is then thats acceptable.

Why the fuck should people be apologising for daring to speak to NHS staff. It's literally their job.
Expecting people to cringingly beg for information "I'm just wondering". No, it's fine to ask a direct question. It's not like she said "oy, cuntface", she just asked where her dad was.
People at a hospital aren't going to be at their best, either. They might be going through some of the worst, most frightening, most heartbreaking times of their life. I suggest that if a nurse is going to get offended at a bit of brusqueness then they're in the wrong profession.

I'm not talking about actual abuse from patients, obviously. No-one deserves that. But that is clearly not the case here.

@MichaelSchofield1991 I don't see this thread as an attack on every person working in the NHS. This Sister was being really off. We are not saying health care professionals deserve to be treated rudely or dismissed. The Sisters reply was bizarre and disproportionate in this situation. OP isn't asking to purchase an item of clothing and demanding to know the price. Context matters.

If someone came on here to say they complained that the cup of tea they got was milky and was resultantly rude, we would be saying no way to this. I certainly would over such a thing.

You're misplacing your upset. We know that people working the NHS right now deserve much much more. I believe that strongly. I believe people working in the NHS often get treated like crap. I don't think this is what's happening here with OPs example. We can feel this way about the unfairness of how it generally is for many people in the NHS. But we can equally say, some people can be a bit scary, direct their misplaced stress at the wrong person ( as Sister did) and we feel uncomfortable about that. Sometimes, it progresses to a level wherein it's really scary if you're incredibly vulnerable.

I really don't agree in any way with patients treating NHS staff like crap. I have seen it in A and E with drunk people and MH patients primarily. But in all my multiple times in hospital on a ward, I've found some of the staff to be really scary. We are allowed to say this. It doesn't mean we think every NHS person is bad or deserves abuse. No way.

You just need look at the posts from nurse naughty to see my point here. Misplaced rage on a very scary level by someone who cares for vulnerable patients. I mean the point is kind of proven there.

We have good people and we have bad people. I don't know what this sister is but I find that exact language very weird in that particular setting.

I've met some angels in hospital before. Beautiful people despite dealing with so much. But it's important to look at every side of what goes on. I hope most people are good and maybe they're just pushed to their limits sometimes.