to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

I'm not saying you are, but some of the posters in general. I'm really glad your Dad is doing better and you can get some proper rest soon. With regards to the IV access problems, sometimes that cannot be helped; as you say your father was probably completely shut down. The next step to gaining IV access would have been very invasive which they may not have been able to do given his condition. It was very good that you were there to pick up on his TIA, because only you would have known his baseline and the fact that he was acting differently which rang alarm bells for you. If he was there by himself, they would not have been able to know, how could they. I am genuinely so sorry for the experience you have had. As for the ward nurse, I think it was the straw that broke the camels back for you. Up to you if you want to complain obviously, but I don't think you will get any closure from it.

Yup. My mum was admitted with a chest infection and a UTI. Instead of treating her, they made her Nil by Mouth "in case she choked". She had dementia. They were treating her as though she were at the end stage. She wasn't. She needed antibiotics. She was asking for water and being refused. I was prevented from giving her sustenance. [ETA Not realising that they'd made her Nil by Mouth, I'd given her water to drink - she was thirsty and drank it. A nurse angrily rebuked me. No, she was not on the Liverpool Pathway - not officially, anyway.]

She was starved and left untreated for 6 days, in spite of the fact that I had POA for her. Someone had sent her samples to the lab, but no one had followed it up. because someone went on annual leave. I actually had to point out to staff that she was coughing up green phlegm.

(This was the same hospital that put Dad down as DNR without informing me.)

I contacted the Alzheimer's Society for advice and created merry hell. I was also in the fortunate position of having a cousin who was a pharmacist and able to show that he had knowledge.

Once the Nil by Mouth notice was removed, I was going in and feeding her ice cream. She was then transferred to a cottage hospital to recuperate.

I have no idea how my mother survived that, but she lost a great deal of weight. When we finally got her home, her carers were weeping at the state of her.

My perception is that the rot starts at the top.

All the bad situations that I have described happened in the same hospital. There were good doctors and good nurses there, but some of the charge nurses were appalling and communication seemed to be practically non-existent.

I've been treated at a different hospital in the area, and it was like night and day - a much more caring attitude.

I have since found out that the first hospital has twice been inspected and found wanting in elder care, but I've noticed no improvements.

Absolutely pathetic. No need for nurses to speak to u like this. Make up all the excuses uz want tired, busy shift, understaffed difficult patients no need for it. They are trained to use deflection to help a siuation. Put in a complaint. But only about her get her
Name or all the nurses get a lecture and the real cows never get dealt with.
And by the way I am a uk nhs nurse. And I apologise on that nurses behalf. She has no excuses. I shouldn't have been spoken to that way.

In our Ad you get sandwiches during the day at night you have to ask

I’d LOVE to know the nurses side of the story, because I very much doubt your side is the correct one
I have to say that you refering to yourself as a poor vulnerable person and stating that what the nurse said as abuse puts some doubt on how the event is related.

To my shame and embarrassment, I did lose my rag with a HCP who first saw fit to comment on my underwear and give advice on buying a better-fitting bra, then when I told her I was in extreme pain, in tears, she told me it was all in my head and I just had to breathe while she manipulated my wrist with multiple fractures - I'm sorry to admit I told her to fuck off - another nurse overheard and came in and gave me a right telling off. I am not defending my language but I was in extreme pain and it was being minimised - there's only so much one can take. I'm sure that HCP thinks I was utterly unreasonable - but had she not made several judgemental comments to someone in extreme pain - I probably would not have snapped - everyone has their limit and she found mine, I still regret my outburst.

Exactly. Not sure where the OP thought she was - a private hospital with 1 to 1 care? I think we have to accept that no amount of rationale or explaining about nursing or how hospitals work will suffice. She weirdly wants special praise and thanks for caring her dad- which is ironic as that's her responsibility. The NHS is a mess- no one disputes that. But I haven't heard one word of consideration for how hard nursing is. I think we have to accept some people are just anti nurse & want to throw shade whilst having absolutely no concept of the job. Might I suggest anyone on here volunteer for 12 hours in AE and see if they feel cheery and like Mary Poppins by the end....

And they were have it- you expect medical staff to be 'continually' paying attention to your dad. What planet are you on ???

And they were have it- you expect medical staff to be 'continually' paying attention to your dad. What planet are you on ???

Hang on, remind me exactly why we're expected love and revere the NHS, spend vast amount of money on it, and then be berated when we dare have expectations of treatment that don't involve active neglect?

In an ideal world yes- staffing numbers simply do not allow that to be the case. Take it up with politicians, not the poor pressed nursing staff.

Do you expect a nurse who is taking 10-20 patients to be able to 1-2-1 a single patient in an A&E corridor? Absolutely patients are neglected with current demand for services. Of course they are with those nursing to patient ratios. Unfortunately this is what healthcare staff and patients are dealing with on a daily basis. If you would like to come and volunteer please do. Or you could put yourself through the 3 year nursing degree or 5 year medical degree and see how you feel working for not more than minimum wage in those conditions. If you could do that and provide exemplary care for 20 patients in a corridor, you’d be superwoman (or man).

As for spending a vast amount of money on it, do behave. It NEEDS a vast amount of money spending on it. It hasn’t had anything of the sort in decades, hence it’s at rock bottom.

There has always been an anti nurse/doctor/NHS rhetoric on here. People have a bad experience and suddenly everyone in healthcare is the devil incarnate. No one ever looks at the bigger picture of why healthcare is in the state it’s in, it’s always frontline staff fault. It’s going to take decades of reform to fix these problems and until then everyone suffers. It’s terrible.

It's quite amazing how quickly we have moved from supportive saucepan clanging to vilifying NHS staff. Shows how fickle many in this country really are.

It's quite amazing how quickly we have moved from supportive saucepan clanging to vilifying NHS staff. Shows how fickle many in this country really are.

I never banged saucepans and I don't vilify all NHS staff, I have dealt with many lovely ones.
The staff are human though. Some will be vile, some lovely, most hopefully decent.

Quite but this thread seems to be conflating what is the fault of the staff with what are the faults in the system. Very different things.

You really have missed the point entirely. We always hear how hard nurses work. That’s why so many get away with appalling behaviour because we are meant to treat them like saints.

Nope. We need to challenge rude staff in the nhs, and appreciate the good ones. If you think what the nurse in the OP said was acceptable, then I get an idea of what type of nurse you might be.

I worked 56 hour shifts in the 90s as a house officer. It was so so stressful and I was almost delirious by the end. Literally running between wards and A and E, with ridiculous responsibilities and a reg who was in theatre and uncontactable. Left on my own to manage the direct access HIV wards at the height of the AIDS pandemic. However, I was never rude to anyone. Because I am kind and professional and strive to be so, even under pressure. That’s what I signed up for, and even though the NHS is now a disaster, it’s not the fault of a worried relative.

Disappointed that someone as intelligent as you can judge what sort of nurse I am by a few MN posts...

For the record I do not condone that behaviour but I can understand how it might happen.

It happened in the ward.

I pointed out the TIA when it was happening several times to the nurses, and nothing was done

Unless I insisted on an MRI it would have gone unchecked

Got any explanation for that?

It's funny how you are asking people to volunteer but also defending treating relatives like dirt who are helping out and even spotting strokes.

Why don't you make your own thread defending the NHS instead of derailing mine with your agenda? This was about the behaviour of a single nurse, and in all honesty if you think you've defended the NHS, you're wrong, you've scared quite a lot of people with your attitude.

See my response to @Hellskitchen24 above

This thread wasn't about the NHS it's about a single nurse.

You've come on here and tried your best to gaslight me instead of just admitting her behaviour was poor.

People can see it, and you're a horrendous advocate for the NHS.