to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

What anger? Bit of an assumption that.

So you're a nurse, who works in the NHS, doesn't think that the environment is chaotic, and takes it personally when people aren't 100% focused on pleasantries with you.

And you think I'm lying?

Ok.

Your whole experience sounds absolutely dire, OP. I hope your dad’s on the mend soon. Must have been distressing for the both of you.

I would have probably wanted to tell that nurse to “fuck off”, but like you I would suppressed any rage too and just ignored her comment.

I hope your dad receives better care going forwards. I don’t know what the answer is, but the NHS can’t continue in this state. It’s not fair on both the staff and the patients.

I was in A&E with my mum last week and it terrified me to see how she would have been treated if she was alone.

She had abdominal pains and ended up collapsing in the toilet. They moved her onto a trolley and, whilst I was collecting up all the bags, she got confused and sat up. A porter yelled at her really aggressively "LIE DOWN" and then met my eyes following on behind. I said "you thought she was on her own, didn't you? That's why you thought you could speak to her like that". He looked sheepish and muttered something.

I know we are supposed to think that the NHS are heroes and filled with people just wanting to do the right thing, were it not for numbers/budgets/pressures, but I've seen more compassion at a bus stop than I saw from the staff that night.

What anger?? Your title is 'to have not lost my rag'. Seems angry to me. I don't take it personally, no. But it just shows what type of person someone is, is all. Personally I would never be rude to someone who is in charge of looking after my relative, despite what might have happened elsewhere in the hospital.

Whomever took offence at my use of word demented, genuine apologies for that. I appreciate that might be really insensitive to those with dementia experience 🙏. I'll reword it to deranged. I can't edit post at this point.

@Justalittlenaughty you might have made a mistake there, my dad isn't in hospital? I'm not the OP. I'm the one who deserved to be treated terribly be a terrifying deranged nurse because it hurt your feelings. And all the rest.

I still wish you well. Maybe if people in the NHS were given better pay, better opportunities, less demanding hours and so on they would have more space for compassion. I do wonder how many truly are terrifying personalities and how many have been pushed to the edge by the circumstances of their profession. I really do think about that often. Not in your case however.

Yes, this is the truth.

It's why I HAD to be at that ward at opening time, because it was critical that he got his food and meds and I had zero faith that was going to happen without me. Lo and behold, they were just taking his food and meds away when I got there.

Lovely to chat, relying on total parental nutrition can be debilitating and life limiting, I hope that isn't the case for you.

Trying to shame OP (and cast aspersions on her parents parenting) seems outrageously inappropriate in this situation. I was admitted through A&E earlier this year and had some of the best nursing care I have ever experienced. I have a recurring condition and I have met a few nurses over the years who really aren’t ok, one who was scary. It happens in all professions. I’m sorry they made hard harder @TheTidyBear . I hope your dad is on the mend and you can get a good long sleep soon.

I didn't lose my rag though did I.

And I wasn't rude either.

You've accused me of lying, told me I'm a "certain type of person", and tbh at this stage I think you're just making things up to try and get a rise out of people. Unlucky "Michael", I don't anger easily.

@Justalittlenaughty oh thanks kindly for your concern. I fortunately don't rely on TPN. My life however may be shorter for other reasons. But luckily, I'm not in the same level of internal anguish that others on here clearly are 🙏 For that, I have all the gratitude in the world. 😘

.

I work in a stressful customer facing role too OP, but we can't compare tech support with nursing. Even though it's a certain type of hell 😂 When someone messes up at work and panics we literally say "we're not saving lives!" to put it into perspective.

I'd chalk it down to a snarky comment from someone who was stretched to the max. I wouldn't dwell on it, it's a symptom of a much bigger issue. You've enough on your plate so look after yourself and I hope your Dad gets well, it sounds like you're a brilliant daughter to him.

@TheTidyBear it's not worth getting into arguments with people on here if you need to find energy for your dad right now.

Forget nurse Ratchet. Forget all of it. The NHS is in a really dire mess atm and you just want to do what you can to get your dad fit enough to leave and put it all behind you. You have to pick your battles right now and I'd personally get them on side any way you can if he's in long term. Don't complain, this isn't worth it. The NHS is in dire straits. Nothing you do will change it. Just pull on every resource you have to get him out asap! And get some sleep ☺️

Not trying to get a rise out of people, just fed up of taking the brunt of other departments problems in the NHS. That ward sister had nothing to do with how your Dad was treated in A+E, she could have at least got a hello. End of. No wonder so many nurses are quitting.

@SuperfluousHen I mean, I didn't want to use that reference, but yep 100%. I had to just double up on the intravenous tramadol and tell myself all would be ok as I rocked clutching my god damn teddy ffs 🤣🤣

Thanks Titat, I'm fine though honestly, he's on the mend and out of the critical stage now, just wanted to get this annoyance off my chest. This thread has been quite an eye opener for me, jesus.

But thanks to the genuine and well wishers on here, hope I've thanked you all.,

OP, you're a saint. Honestly, the attitude of people on here is so similar to the NHS staff, it's absolutely everywhere.

I had nothing to do with that Nurses crappy day, nor her comment. She was just being a arsehole frankly.

Nurses quitting has nothing to do with me and I suggest that if you can't redirect your anger away from the patients and relatives then you would be better of quitting.

This thread is a reflection of what's going on in the NHS. It's bad for everyone right now; the good staff, the nutty deranged staff, the patients. It's an absolute mess and it's terrifying for some and demoralising and soul destroying for others.

Prey you don't ever get stuck in there long term and move on. Hugs to you and your dad.

I hope your dad has a speedy recovery.

when I worked in hospital, visitors were strained/blunt with me all the time and it never bothered me because it wasn’t personal. You understand this might be the most shit time of their life, and well, the NHS is what it is right now.

it was wrong of her to belittle you like that, I hope you can get some rest and feel better about it.

Can’t believe people saying they would get annoyed at someone for saying:

‘I’m looking for my dad, John Smith’

what are the nurses expecting?

‘Hello there, excuse me, would it be possible if it’s not too much trouble for you to help me locate my dad please? Thank you very much’ ?

The first isn’t impolite. It’s just direct. And is completely understandable in the context of a hospital where people are often very stressed and emotional and only just holding it together. It would also be very normal for anyone whose first language isn’t English.

sounds like the nurse and some of the posters are just looking for an excuse to get at someone.

Hope your dad has a smooth recovery. If there’s a hotel nearby maybe throw money at the travel situation and stay over to swap 4hrs in the car for 4hrs extra sleep.

I have been there, watching my mum's heart stop twice on a trolley, under my coat as there were no blankets. It was extremely traumatic. She lived, and once admitted, received swift, effective, exceptional treatment.

The nurse was probably at the end of her rope too. Of all the things to complain about, being upbraided on one's tone is the least of it.

Perhaps we could all do with badges like we used to get at the dentists that said "Be nice to me".

I hope your dad is doing ok, OP.

You've pretty much nailed at actually. There's a lot of people that try to get at others when they're vulnerable, the nurse that belittled me included.

Gosh, if I snapped at every patient or relative who was short with me I'd have lost my job 20 years ago. You did better than some relatives who literally just walk up to a nurse and bark a name at them.