to have not lost my rag at ward sister

[TheTidyBear]

Spent 18 hours in A&E with elderly Dad in a corridor after he had a fall, they forgot to give him food, so I had to get some from the canteen, messed up his bloods twice, couldn't get pills into him so I had to help with that that. Also someone coughing up their lungs right next to me and Dad for several hours. There was also an incident where one of the patients in the mental health unit who was having an episode decided to start shouting at everyone in A&E.

Once he got onto a ward, I did a 2 hour journey home got 2 hours sleep, 2 hour journey back

Went to the nurses station on the ward, asked where my Dad is. Ward sister greeted me "what happened to hello, didn't your parents teach you any manners?"

Was I unreasonable to suppress the absolute rage boiling up in me and apologise and not fly off the fucking handle?

Surely if you said this Hi is Hello??

I’m a nurse and would also never greet anyone that way! Majority of us understand that hello goes out of the way when you’re tired and worried about a loved one. I don’t think many people have said hello to me and I won’t lose sleep over it as I have compassion for how stressful it all is

I would have replied: " By 'parents', do you mean my dad, the elderly gentleman who's basically been neglected by you since he's been here? Yes, he taught me lots about how to treat people, thanks. Shame yours obviously didn't.' 🤷‍♀️

😂

I do think about what I would liked to have said had I been on guard.

But I needed to get to my Dad quickly so the only thing I could have said was sorry really.

Hope your Dad is back home soon OP.
When both my DP’s were in hospital separately. I also just say hi, where is DP name.
The ward don’t keep you informed about anything! Twice my DP were moved and we weren’t told. I thought they had died! Especially as it was so hard work to find out where he had been moved too!

Sorry to hear of the nurse's rude response, manners cost nothing. Hospitals are stressful places when visiting frail friends and family. It's a minefield navigating who to speak to for any updates. If your father is staying in any longer than a few days, ask for a food diary and take him in some Ensure drinks to give him extra calories. I hope he's home soon.

Absolutely not and I hope your dad is doing okay now. My elderly dad was recently in hospital where it took myself, my partner and my aunt to lobby for a prescribed drip for two days running. I also found him lying in his own urine.
We know the service is over stretched but yet another grumpy grey haired old person is also a much loved dad and grandfather. And that will be us one day.

Do you mean total parenteral nutrition? I’m not sure what total parental nutrition is. Maybe exclusive breastfeeding?

Well done for not reacting, as annoying as it was. It wouldn’t have done any good if she already had that attitude.

I have read and re-read this thread and wasn’t going to respond, but feel that I have to.
I have been on both sides of this situation, one as the daughter of a very ill parent and one as a lead consultant.

Off the record I sometimes believe that a&e is like a dumping ground, by that I mean some will turn up with a splinter in their finger and then kick up when told they cannot have it removed under an anesthetic. Whilst all these low level presentations are being sifted through, the serious cases are held up.

That being said I have walked In your shoes OP when my remaining beautiful parent was taken ill. Never in my life have I felt so helpless and frustrated, waiting for an admission, dependant on when a “bed” became available.

It wasn’t a hospital I knew, but it was a f*ing diabolical shambles. Feckless, and lazy staff for the most part, I could have exploded to be honest. I got my parent discharged within 24 hours and cared for them myself with my sister.

There are good hospitals and deplorable ones. Just like there are good members of staff and some who should never darken the entrance of a care environment.

I hope I have always given my very best medical attention and care to all my patients and their loved ones. I also hope that I have given not just the very best medical but compassion and care to some of my patients who have no one. These are the real ones who suffer in two ways, medically and emotionally. There has been many times when I have sat with them in their final hours because I do care.

OP you are the advocate for your father, don’t wait two hours for food, find the canteen or a vending machine. I know from experience in a overstretched department that a hot drink or food will never arrive unless you do it yourself.
Also to everyone else if you see someone by themselves in hospital, a little bit of kindness goes a long way.

Wishing your father a good solid recovery.

@ProfessionalPirate oh that post from our lovely nurse naughty was directed at me. I was in hospital being fed intravenously due to a perforated bowel and sepsis. It's called TPN when you are fed via liquid formula directly into your blood stream.

What nurse naughty was doing here with this post of hers may be apparent when you read through all her other posts on this thread.

Very very concerning that this is someone working in the NHS. A nurse I will guess. No more words needed. Terrifying.

I actually think @Justalittlenaughty works for the NHS tbh. I think she's the deranged nurse I had coming to get me 🤣.

MN deleted her posts!

Well done. You were tired and stressed. She was tired and stressed. Your apology stopped the situation from spiralling and causing more stress. You did the right thing. Even if it near killed you.

I've hesitated to post, because this is bringing back memories of when I had relatives in hospital. I totally sympathise with you, OP.

I'm sorry about your Dad's poor experience of care. Unfortunately our local hospital can't even sign up to a policy of not discharging people over 80 after 10pm at night to home without family consent. Care for older people is so poor in this country.

I won't vote because I think the nurse is ultimately in the wrong (professionally) and so you did well by keeping your cool, however, I would also never walk onto a ward and just ask where someone was without greeting the people I was asking, no matter how traumatic my experience had been - it's not hypothetical either. I suppose you would've been unreasonable if you'd fired 2 fucks into them, but you didn't.

I'm sorry you had that experience, and I hope your dad gets better soon.

Thank you for your compassion and genuine care for your patients. That was so lovely to read.

@TheTidyBear We are all in doubt now that the power trip that nurses are on is not misplaced, because a couple of them have come on and actually hinted that the threat of your dad being mistreated is real. Thanks for the head's up @MichaelSchofield1991 and @Justalittlenaughty.

What you've told us is that we as patients and relatives of patients, are right to be scared of you, because you will indeed give less favourable treatment to the patients whose relatives you don't like.

Absolutely bloody terrifying. My suspicions about how my poor old adorable dad was treated are now being confirmed. My mind couldn't quite comprehend how people (staff) could be unnecessarily cruel (I mean, what is the point is it just because they can?) But now I am realising that I wasn't wrong. I just didn't want to see it.

He was a lovely man. He wouldn't hurt a fly - it just wasn't inside of him to be rude to anyone. Neither were we. There was just a culture of bad attitude. They egged each other on.

As a patient I can identify with @Tittat50 too. You are 100% at their mercy. And they know it.

Have been there with both my parents and was very grateful that they received good care. My mum had an operation on her back in her twenties and the hospital was 20 miles away. She got there by bus and had one visit from my grandmother who was taken there by her minister. She also when discharged came home on the bus. She would have had to change buses once. Things have changed a lot.

Do you know, nearly 30 years ago that was the reason I didn't go for the nurses who left my father lying in his own filth.

I was terrified that they could do worse.

And it was the often much-maligned, very kind agency nurses who came and very gently cleaned him up.

That threat of @Justalittlenaughty 's at 21.35 on Monday 18.11.24 is absolutely chilling.

@Tenpackofaffirmationsacks

Yes it's utterly terrifying.

As is the idea of having to be "understanding" because it's a hospital.

If I was stuck on a tube for 5 minutes with a man trying to put his hand up my skirt and another puking all over the seat next to me while my sister is bleeding to death, would I be expected to have "patience and empathy"?

Because apparently I'm supposed to have it for 18 hours in a hospital corridor while a man shouts at me and another coughs their guts up non-stop while my Dad is rapidly deteriorating

You do realise you let the cat out of the bag with that one don't you, @Justalittlenaughty ?

I really feel for you @TheTidyBear. You're doing everything you can for your dad. I hope you can get him home soon.

We're truly having our eyes opened here.

The other post on here that has scared me rigid is the one about the poster's poor old mum who woke up on a gurney on a corridor and tried to sit up, to be shouted at roughly by a fucking porter. Well done that poster for pulling the guy up.

It makes me think of the Milgram experiment, probably not the exact same circumstances, but it still proved what human beings are prepared to do to other human beings given half an excuse.

Honestly I had to believe that was a troll, I can't fathom the alternative.

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to your Dad.