DW crying infront of the children

[Tonytonitonee]

Does crying / arguing in front of children have an long term impact on their well being? I remember my parents having screaming rows when i was younger and being unpstairs listening and being in a state of panic. This was 30-35 odd years ago and it still makes me upset when I remember.

Due to my childhood experience, I have tried my best not to be too emotional in front of my children.

However, my DW has no hesitation crying or arguing in front of the children.

This means we cannot have an adult conversation about any issues with our marriage because she will become very defensive & shouty.

It also means that when she criticises me in front of the children, and she does fairly often, I don't defend myself. I generally accept her criticism because I want descalate the situation. Unfortunately, the children have occasionally repeated DW's criticism.

I am abit lost as to what I should do next. I am deeply, deeply unhappy, but I am too scared to say anything for fear of upsetting DW.

My childhood was full of blazing rows. Mum crying a lot. It damaged me.
From my teens to late twenties I was massively co dependant with an anxious attachment style, I made terrible life choices due to poor self esteem. I was emotionally all over the place and to this day my childhood and life choices have ruined my nervous system.
Sort it out.

I see,

if it is cultural and you both understand pretty well that culture then it is a matter of a chat and boundaries.

a simple « no », and you ask the children to go somewhere else with you in the house until she calms down would be ok. If she goes wild…I mean, she needs to feel heard but not in a way that create so much discomfort for you. You both need to find a way for both.

Good luck 🌺

Could she be goading you because she thinks you're spineless?

This definitely sounds as if she has a serious mental condition. Was she anything like this before you were married or before you had kids. Maybe this is helpful: https://www.healthline.com/health/anger-issues