Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

He doesn't pick you up from hospital because you don't ask. He should be with you, not just picking you up. Have you said you want him with you?
My parents collected and dropped me off for years, and I would expect if my dd was abroad being an au pair the family would collect her. I would collect our au pair or my dh would. It's the right thing to do.

You dh is not going to have an affair with the au pair! Just because she is 21 and pretty - like all 21 year old seem to be- doesn't make her a husband hunter. Or your dh a sleaze ball.

She's coming to help you. Sorry for your illness, lean more on your dh, and tell him you feel vulnerable and love him.

If it's London I think it's normal just to use public transport as the OP says its so easy. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to collect me (I lived in zone 2) nor would I have expected any visiting friends to want collecting.

Outside of London I would say its more normal for someone to pick up / drop off.

Yep, it's bad enough that women get discriminated against so often in the work place.

But so many people here openly discriminating against a young woman because she's pretty, is astounding.

They must know if their husbands can't stop themselves fucking other women, it has nothing to do with the woman's looks?

Grief is this what mumsnet is coming to.

All airports near London are massively inconvenient, takes forever to chop and change around the different transport networks. We prefer to fly from anywhere but. Even London City is inconveniently located.

Yeah when I was in my 20’s I had to bus it from the airport - I usually get collected these days because I tend to have a kid with me too! If someone flies to my nearest airport (15mins away) I collect them, if they get a cheap flight to the one in the big city (1.5hours away) they take the bus. I take the bus too - it’s not fair to expect someone to do that round trip.

Personally I would be upset my partner if my partner didn’t collect me from the hospital but went out of his way for the aupair. He should be there for you during this difficult time, he shouldn’t have to be asked.

Her looks are irrelevant. Unless you asked her to make her way across and offered to pay, but she still refused, YABU.

Having undergone treatment it can leave you very emotional and easily upset. Is this really about how you'r feeling about yourself and the effects of treatment?

My DH would pick my 30 year old up now even at 2am

Yikes - I would never hire a stunning au pair, I’d prefer a Mrs Doubtfire myself! YANBU

Well I can't believe this thread has so many posters that are so unsympathetic to a woman being treated for cancer and recovering from a very recent operation and who, quite rightly, feels she and her children should be her DH's priority.

If the au pair wasn't competent to make her own way back from her little holiday at home then is she competent to do the job she is being paid to do?

You haven't said why?

How do you cope when you come across other stunning women?

Bit different if they're actually living under the same roof. I wouldn't not trust my DH, but I'd just end up feeling like a crone in comparison which would not be helpful 😕

Sorry for what you are going through. Do you think perhaps your husband needed an emotional break even though it seemed like more work to you? Seeing loved ones suffering and going through cancer is really hard and emotionally painful for carers and sometimes they need a small break. I appreciate you can never get a break from it but it can be subconscious sometimes.

I'm shocked at all the women on here who would want to keep away "stunning" 21 year olds because they don't trust their much older husbands.. so fucking grim. You should be married to men you could trust in any situation, and that see young women in a fatherly way. You're all married to creeps.

Which posts are the unsympathetic ones?

I see a lot of posters with sympathy and empathy towards the OP and her circumstances.

There is however, a lot of unsympathetic comments towards a 21 year old woman who is in the OP’s life to do a job. Including yours. “Her little holiday at home”. Do you not realise how sneery and pathetic that sounds? Is she not allowed to visit her home country and family? Jesus wept.

The OP’s husband was gone 3 hours. Not 3 days.

Au pair.com
i also get random ads popping up on Facebook.

In my family we would generally give people airport lifts. My parents still give me airport lifts and I am 43. We would give a neighbour an airport lift if they asked and have done. I think it depends if giving people in your family lifts places is a usually done thing, if so then try not to overthink it. Your husband just was probably trying to do the right thing. If its way out of character then I would ask him why he felt the need to do it. I would suspect its just him trying to do the right thing and make sure this girl gets to her destination. At least you know she made it there safe and sound.

Personally it wouldnt bother me, If something happened then it happens. If a mans a cheat he is either a cheating type or not. Unfortunately for me mines not and I am stuck with him. I have tried to suggest an au pair, but he has refused.

The posts unsympathetic to OP are the ones berating her for being upset that her DH prioritised the au pair over his ill wife. Quite a few are very unpleasant to her and take no account of her health.

As I understood it the au pair had gone home for a few days i.e she had a little holiday at home. What is snide about that.? And as an adult woman who works away from home surely she is capable of travelling back to her place of employment herself without taking her employer away from his ill wife who is recovering from an operation?

3 hour round trip is not just a lift- it’s a big effort. She could have easily got on the bus or train and perhaps be picked up locally

I was an au pair back in the day. I had zero interest in the husbands I promise you. They were old
men to me.

Zanatdyi still pick my daughter up and she's 44 !!

My husband has been a taxi driver to Heathrow and Gatwick about 10 times since July. All done in good faith and at least 4 were female in their 20s ..absolutely no concerns.

But where has the OP’s husband “prioritised” the au pair? He’s picked her up from the airport, that’s it! The OP didn’t specify that he is needed at home 24/7 for around the clock care.

It would be a different story if he was gone all day, leaving the OP to have to cook, clean and watch young children all day by herself after an op. But it wasn’t all day, it was 3 hours.

The only “berating” I can see personally, are the posters telling the OP she is being unreasonable for mentioning that the OP is considerably younger and attractive, as that is irrelevant to the situation.

And as an adult woman who works away from home surely she is capable of travelling back to her place of employment herself

I’m sure she is capable of traveling herself. Probably more capable than a lot of women her own age, given that she’s living and working in a foreign country. But…. why is it her fault that she’s been picked up by the husband?

She certainly isn’t “taking” the husband away from his poorly wife. What a ridiculous thing to say.