Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

I see now, apologies!

As an employer he might just be concerned for her safety. I had a very good looking nanny to take care of my children for a year, she was 23 years old and modelled lingerie professionally. My husband and I were in our late 30’s at the time but felt more protective about her and treated her like a child/younger sister. She had her own transport and used to drive to work but I did insist she let me know when she reached home if she had stayed till late at ours. Never felt insecure or bothered and I had just had a baby so wasn’t exactly at my fittest. My husband thought she was a kid and honestly was not the least bit interested.

So give your hubby the benefit of the doubt, he probably only means well.

The Gatwick trains were down this weekend. And some Southern routes

Sorry if I am tbd eleventy-millionth person to say that.

All good wishes to you OP.

I think it is a reasonable courtesy to pick up from the airport, we did that with some of our au pairs although most were already in London.

Does your DH have a roving eye or do you just think no man can resist a pretty 21 year old?

If you never ask your husband to ferry you to and from hospital appointments and in order to facilitate him concentrating on work (and to maintain HIS "normal") and he DOESN'T ferry you to and from appointments......
I can see why him going out of his way to embark on a three hour round trip to pick up a well paid live in au pair who hasn't got a tree growing out of her face would make you feel away.
That you present your concern in terms that can and have easily got the underthinking backlashing on you, kinda shows that you maybe rather that response more than us wiser ones picking sense out of nonsense and suggesting, at such a trying time in your life , to nip shit in the bud( with a month's wage paid uofront) and demanding that your husband be more present.
Unfortunately, serious illness or terminal illness statistically reveals the lack of loyalty to female partners that most men in these situations have.
Don't make Ms Stunner a larger part of the narrative than she is. Pay her off, smiling faced and employ somebody else , but not live in.
And make sure all your ducks are in a row with foresight for the next 12 years or so.
When you are recovered, you may well decide that your husband is not for you.
Also, he should have no reason to contest the au pair leaving, should he?
I am sure that a loving husband of an ill wife is not averse to some morning and night time parenting of his children?

Did she ask him or did he offer?

Did he pick you up after your operation ?

I can see why you'd resent him picking her up if he leaves you to fend for yourself after hospital appointments. She's worth taking time off work for but you aren't?

I don't understand why you didn't just communicate this to your husband

" Hey, with everything I'm going through, I need you here with me and the kids. Let's pay her a taxi back to our house"

Mine would. And I would pick up my own daughter.

Maybe your parents weren't very kind.

Why be nasty? Some parents like to instil independence.

My parents didn't pick me up when I was 21 either

I don't know why they were nasty? Maybe their parents were nasty to them? Maybe they weren't nasty at all and they were trying to "instill independence." That could be it.

But maybe your parents weren't very kind, either. Consider it. Not all the time, maybe, but in this case. My kids are independent but I'd still pick them up from the airport. It's just nicer.

No i said "why be nasty " to YOU.

I meant why are you being nasty to her.

Exactly

Lisanoonan · Today 22:04
I agree with her.
I think having a young woman living in the house is asking for trouble.
Its her choice. But I'd never have a live in au pair.

Christ almighty, @Lisanoonan . Read back what you just wrote.

My parents would have picked me up at 21 no questions asked. Full support

Yep. I stand by it. And I was agreeing with another poster, who also said it.

What's your issue?

I'm not being nasty. I'm just asking the question. Maybe they thought it would be kinder to let her struggle back from the airport with her bags on her own, I don't know.

I suppose it's important to consider these things. I'm now wondering whether I have damaged my kids' lives by taking them to the airport. Maybe I am nasty...

Christ. People have all differnet kinds of parents. Which you should be aware of.

Many people don't even have a father at all!

There are lots of single parent families.

You were being nasty,

because you said to that poster that her parents weren't being kind, because they didnt pick her up at the airport.

You don't know anything about her situation.

Maybe her parents were poor and couldn't afford to go.? Maybe she didn't have one parent at all?

Trust me, we don't want to sleep with your husbands, we just want to do our jobs, get paid and go home! So fed up with the narrative that all childcare workers are only doing it to steal someone's husband. It's just rude

Yes, there are all kinds of practical reasons why it might not be possible to help. The OP's illness might be one such reason. Or caring responsibilities. Or having to work. Or wanting to instill independence.

It'd be nice if they could, though, right?

And mine - and I'm a bloke.

My wife seems to believe that I have some supernatural powers that enable me to understand what she wants without telling me.

I don't - and if she doesn't tell me I'll probably get it wrong.

Some men know instinctively what is the right thing to do, but I - like most men - don't have a clue.

If you don't want him to go and collect her, just tell him and explain why. If you don't want to do that, just forget it.

(Why have an "Au Pair" at all?)

Lisanoonan · Today 22:52

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 22:49
Lisanoonan · Today 22:04
I agree with her.
I think having a young woman living in the house is asking for trouble.
Its her choice. But I'd never have a live in au pair.
Christ almighty, ** . Read back what you just wrote.
**
Yep. I stand by it. And I was agreeing with another poster, who also said it.
What's your issue?

My issue is that you seem to think young woman living in household with married man=illicit sex.
The young woman in question might have something to say about that.
Are you really suggesting that au pairs are all in the make? Thats how your post reads.

Yes, but only by £30 a week. Where are they being posted?

Hmm, no.

I used the word "maybe", so I didn't say her parents weren't being kind.

And she used the word "parents", so we know she had more than one.

I hope you didn't have this much trouble making sense of the pearls of wisdom you found in Sharon Osbourne's book.