Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

Some of you on this thread really need to do some self-improvement work to rid yourselves of this insanely unreasonable insecurity and jealousy.

This. Also, getting to an airport in London is a piece of cake if it was during the day and into early evening. There’s lots of transport to all of the four airports. At 21 this is a reasonable thing to do, especially for a short trip home with likely little luggage.

OP, why didn’t you tell your DH that you need him at home. Wishing you a good recovery

Attractive people get jobs so much easier than less attractive or unattractive it's a fact.

Should they be honest with her as to why she's losing her job? I think so.
How would she be able to explain on her c.v the post ending without it looking like it's been her fault?

Really? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I think many of you slating the OP need to step back and consider the situation from the OP’s perspective. And bloody well grow up too!!

I was referring to posters on the thread, not the OP, otherwise I’d have directed my comment directly to her. It’s far too early to be so angry. Go and have a camomile tea or something.

my parents still pick me up at 47 if I ask. My Dad offered to pick me up from a halfway point (it was 2 hours away) after my work Christmas party a couple of years ago.

Some pp seem confused and talking about parents picking up from the airports at all ages. Op is not a parent, but an employer and is happy to pay for a lift if need be. The au pair is an adult, a functioning able bodied adult with a brain and doesn’t need Daddy to collect her! A taxi would have been perfectly adequate.

Quite. Op has cancer and two small kids.

I agree with you OP, considering you are making your way back from hospital appointments and are recovering.

I would be seriously unimpressed being left with two children when he could be minding them.
It wouldn't happen here, I would say absolutely not.
A very selfish decision on his behalf in the circumstances.
Completely unnecessary.
I hope you make a speedy recovery.

I would have rather organised my own transport too than sit awkwardly with my boss at 21! I am not even sure the au pair would have welcomed this ‘favour’ tbh

@Wanttokeepmyprivacy
I think this is more about you feeling neglected/not supported enough by your husband. I know these are hard times for you OP but it is for him as well: he's scared of loosing you while having to make you all financially secure by working a lot at the same time. He probably decided to take the aupair because 1. He knows you need her help and wants to be kind to her. 2. Driving is a way to not think of all the problems going on at home, it's a respite. Not because he doesn't love you, but because he loves you and he's terrified of what you are going through. Try to find other family members/ friends you can lean on occasionally so you get the support you need and he gets to focus on work and your children. Hard times for all, wish you the best.💐

You don’t know any of this, that is just potentially wishful thinking. If he cared so much, why hasn’t he insisted on a few hospital runs for example? Or to join op for some of her appointments? He clearly has some spare time, and he is choosing to waste it on an airport run he didn’t need to do!

OP, Sorry about what you are going through. I'd take advices from the (normally hating single women) suddenly cool mumsnet wives, with a pinch of salt. Most men would probably cheat given the opportunity. Would your DH be s thoughtful if au pair was older and not as pretty? Chances are, he would point to all the travel options you've mention in the OP. Having said that, I would not hire someone young and stunning as au pair. I hope you get well soon

My Dad used to pick me up from work one mile from home because there were no houses for half of the walk home! I was early 20’s at the time…❤️

If he's always working or looking after you / the kids, perhaps he jumped on an hour and a half minimum alone in the car to wind down and have some time to himself?

My parents, or my DC, still drop me off and pick me up at 54yrs of age! Like 4 times a year!

I would have taken her.

Why did the au pair go home at all when most needed? Either the OP’s surgery was a last minute appointment, or au pair’s trip home was crucial & not a ‘little holiday’ or shit planning.
The OP says he works at weekends so is surprised he’s added to his chores. if she’d said that she wanted him to pick up the young woman because it was across London & in the dark and she was ‘stunning’ & he’d chosen to work as usual instead of adding an airport pick up to his mental load everyone would be saying that he should go & fetch her. Either way it seems like OP would be managing on her own for 3hrs+ and that’s down to how their household runs.

What I find baffling is why is your outrage is not directed towards a man who puts himself out to go and pick up a healthy , presumably capable, young woman returning from a holiday she must have planned in advance, when he doesn't bother to take his own DW to hospital appointments for her cancer treatment. And who leaves his wife in charge of his children a day after discharge from hospital after an operation in order to prioritise an employee.
It is actually concerning that you think this young woman should be of more importance to him than his own wife.

How can you be with someone who would see very young women like this?

If the trust in my husband was just based on lack of opportunity, rather than being able to be around anyone and have no worries, then it's a terrible marriage.

And who care if 21 year olds aren't interested in older husbands.. It's still not right that he would be interested in her.
OP I agree that he should have prioritised you at this time. I'm just shocked at all these women who expect their husbands to cheat and become uncontrollable around someone who was a teenager not long ago 🤢

You are not wrong op.

I don’t know why some pp are using your thread to boast about how often their dads pick them up! When they are 54 or whatever READ THE ROOM.

Op has cancer and the stress of dealing with that and two small children is enormous, shall we focus on that, rather than boring stories of lifts!

No we are just realistic. Jude Law had an affair with his nanny. Arnold schwarzenegger had an affair with his nanny.

I don't think having another woman living in the house, is a healthy system. I wouldn't have a young or old nanny living in my house.

A lot of people "cheat'.

So many married men I know have cheated. That's the reality of life. A married couple that I know, just broke up after he cheated.

It's more realistic to expect cheating at some stage, then to expect someone to only be with one person for their entire life

So having another woman living in the house, is not a good idea. It just escalates the inevitability of cheating