35 and want to be married before kids

[YourLivelyRedBiscuit]

Boyfriend of 18 months desperate for children but I am not willing to do so without a commitment ie marry me.

I know that clock is ticking blabla but I frankly feel insecure without a legal commitment. I'm putting my body and career on the line.

I don't even mind doing small ceremony now then a big one later.

We are still in the process of buying a house and I would like this sorted first too.

He says he will marry me but I feel insecure as his actions don't entirely match his words.

I know that it could take a while to fall pregnant but I feel hurt that he would get engaged to his ex but seems to want to check if I have a working womb first.

Better to not have a child that she isn't sure she even wants, than having a child with some twat that won't marry her but wants to use her as a baby oven.

If she doesn't want children/isn't sure then she needs to tell her DP. He can then move on to another woman who wants children as much as he does. I only read the OP so I assumed OP wanted children but also wanted to be married. She's not at an age where she can wait another year or so before getting engaged and then another year or two to get married. By that point she might not be able to have children.

So basically, if she really wants children then she should prioritise that. If she isn't bothered then she needs to tell her DP so he can move on. They've only been together for a year so getting married would be rushed.

YANBU.
I also would not have children with someone whose actions don't match his words regarding important issues... 😬

She wants to havr kids. She doesnt want them without marriage. Which is very sensible
Any man from a traditional culture who wont marry the prospective mother of his child is deeply suspicious.

I'm a bit fed up by the whole narrative on this thread that women are helpless and poor without a husband or ex husband.

OP is a teacher with a house deposit already saved. She has a good stable job. If they had a child out of wedlock and he walked away she would not be homeless and penniless! She has money for her own home, a good salary and would get child maintenance.

It's not as simple as unmarried = bad / married = good.

18 months after meeting my now-husband we were engaged with a newborn baby. I didn't care about marriage before a baby because I didn't need a man to protect me financially. I already owned a home, had a higher salary and was overall in a better financial situation than him.

Ok. I would never want to raise a child by myself though if I can help it. OP doesnt seem like she wants to either. I would rather have none.

And as someone from a traditional culture where no children are ever born outside wedlock, believe me when I say that a man from such a culture who doesnt want marriage is a walking red flag. He may even get married later to someone of his own culture.

Please make sure you get married before you have a child. The amount of women I know who now have two of three children with their 'partner' and have been 'engaged' for donkeys years now is ridiculous. Everybody knows they're never getting married. To put it crudely, why would he buy the cow, if you've already given the milk away for free? Stand your ground OP.

I too would be very suspicious of the motives of a traditional man from a different culture that wants children without marriage.

I would take it he doesn't respect you and is 100% suiting himself and would prefer to marry within his culture.

I believe marriage can be hard enough without blending cultures, although some people I know have done it very successfully.

You are correct in some cases (myself included)

However, many women, after they've had a child go part time and/or don't go on the mortgage or deeds, so all that great work of setting themselves up, falls by the wayside.

They are the ones where marriage protects.

The OPs DP already said he'd happily buy the home in his name only. Add in a child and no marriage, and voila! The disaster trifecta is complete.