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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need a hand hold -Part 3

993 replies

Imbluedalale · 16/11/2024 20:16

Episode 15 Hello GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

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Thread gallery
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Imbluedalale · 28/11/2024 23:54

kittylion2 · 28/11/2024 19:42

I don’t think I’m going to tell my children as ex will find out and he’ll love it

What an absolute abhorrent sorry waste of a skin he sounds. He'd soon sing a different tune if all us spoonies descended on him and bashed him with a load of spoons. Great big heavy spoons.

That @kittylion2 would be a scene I’d pay to see! Thank you for giving me a chuckle xx

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Imbluedalale · 28/11/2024 23:56

Malbecfan · 28/11/2024 20:08

Just checking in with you to say I'm sorry today has been bad. Tomorrow will be better and I'm in the Spoon-Army xxx

Awww thank you so much @Malbecfan , your right tomorrow will be better. I’m just eating my way through a tub of roses chocolates trying to convince myself that it’s allowed because of bad news . I hope you are ok , sending big hugs xx

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 00:00

Giraffe888 · 28/11/2024 20:26

Sorry for being absent and not being as active in replying as what most of you are, I do read as frequently as I can but it’s been harder whilst I was on holiday

i’m so sorry for the not so good news today. I reiterate what others have said, it’s different for you this time as you’ve got an army of spoons scooping you up and getting you through xxx

Hi @Giraffe888, please don’t apologise you have nothing to be sorry for. I really hope you’re enjoying your holiday and have made some lovely memories. The weather looks beautiful. Have you had any excursions or days out? I hope your tried a few cocktails 🍹
And thank you 🙏 for your lovely kind words and it is different this time your right , I just hope that in 2025 there will be more ups than downs xx

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 00:12

CookiePookie · 28/11/2024 20:32

I'm so sorry for your bad news today. I keep up with your thread every single day and check to see how you are; one of the more invisible Spoonies in the background. I am thinking of you in your Winnie the Pooh dressing gown, and remember what Pooh had to say: "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." All the very best to you, Laura.

Hi @CookiePookie , how are you?it’s so lovely to hear from you . Thank you for reading my thread every day that’s so lovely 🥰
And I love that Pooh saying it’s my favourite. Thank you 🙏 xx

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 00:12

Munchyseeds2 · 28/11/2024 20:48

@Imbluedalale
A hug for you lovely xx

Awwww 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹thank you so much @Munchyseeds2 xx

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 00:19

RaspberryBeretxx · 28/11/2024 22:56

I’m so sorry that it wasn’t good news at the hospital @Imbluedalale . Bloody hell, the universe needs to give you a break at this point! Sending a big hug. I’m glad your parents and sister are there for you and you have all of us behind you.

Also think it’s crazy that you could get fined. I think the head will surely waive it. Sorry to hear also that you didn’t have a very good chat with him due to dickhead ex.

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , how’s your day been? Good I hope .
I saw this your today and it said ‘On particularly rough days, when I’m sure I can’t possible endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good’xx

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 00:25

Meanwhile33 · 28/11/2024 23:17

I’m so sorry to hear that news Laura. Sending you buckets of love and support and a massive hug. I’m so glad you have your mum and dad and sister in your corner now, that’s huge compared to where you were 6 months ago. They will help you get through it. And all of us from afar.

It’s so clear from all your posts what a lovely caring thoughtful person you are, and how lucky anyone would be to be your friend.

Edited

Thank you so much @Meanwhile33 , thank you for the hug too. I do have so much support now more than I could ever have imagined and everything is so so different compared to 6 months ago and for all that’s happened in those 6 months I have found my biggest joy and that’s finding all you spoonies xx

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Ruralretreating · 29/11/2024 01:41

Hugs from me Laura @Imbluedalale . Sorry to hear it wasn’t great news but so good they’ve caught it and can do something about it. I understand the desire to have a break from hospitals and appointments though. I know it’s been so busy but try to rest as much as you can, help your body fight back.
Don't worry about the fine/Head. That would be so utterly ridiculous I cannot imagine it would happen. I suspect Head will see sense and you’ll get a letter that says say no fine this time, using my discretion, but next time won’t be able to etc. If they try to fine you, I’ll happily take it up with them on your behalf - you don’t need that nonsense right now!

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 04:57

Morning @Ruralretreating , I hope you are ok?
Thank you for the hugs they are much appreciated.
I woke up early so I decided to keep myself busy and am making a slow cooked butter chicken curry in the ninja and on my third cup of tea.
Not got a lot on today I have a home visit with occupational therapy and then I might do some crafts and a bit of cleaning and will try and rest too.
I’m also going to ring my MH team and just let them know the update. I have to say 2024 has definitely not been my year but I have faith that 2025 will be a lot different. How are you feeling now?xx

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nornironlady · 29/11/2024 05:57

Good morning Spoonies and @Imbluedalale. I was also awake at 4am again. I guess the joys of peri! It came at me full force this year 😂
I'm impressed by your attitude and resilience to everything but especially after yesterday.
2024 hasn't been a great year all round for so many reasons in life and the world in general. I'm aiming for a calmer year but we shall see!
I'm taking my time getting out of bed. I finished up my book there so I love having lots to chose from on my bookshelf for my next read.
Chicken sounds good. That's one curry I don't think I've made. I've woken peckish this morning!
Here's to a good Friday Spoonies xx

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 06:19

nornironlady · 29/11/2024 05:57

Good morning Spoonies and @Imbluedalale. I was also awake at 4am again. I guess the joys of peri! It came at me full force this year 😂
I'm impressed by your attitude and resilience to everything but especially after yesterday.
2024 hasn't been a great year all round for so many reasons in life and the world in general. I'm aiming for a calmer year but we shall see!
I'm taking my time getting out of bed. I finished up my book there so I love having lots to chose from on my bookshelf for my next read.
Chicken sounds good. That's one curry I don't think I've made. I've woken peckish this morning!
Here's to a good Friday Spoonies xx

Morning @nornironlady , how are you this morning? Happy Friday .
Awww bless you with the peri my sister had a full hysterectomy this year and she’s going through menopause and she’s really struggling with it. She’s got some magnesium and said that helps.
I don’t feel resilient but I have decided to try and have as much of a positive attitude that I can this time and there’s people out there going through a lot worse than myself. I know it sounds really silly saying it aloud but the thought of more scars makes me really anxious , I suppose that’s because ex used to always say how disgusting they are . That’s something I need to work on and get over xx

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nornironlady · 29/11/2024 06:35

@Imbluedalale thanks that's the 2nd time magnesium has been mentioned recently. I was using Boots peri multi vitamins and Marine collagen as my hair and nails started coming apart!
It's natural to be worried. You have done it before and you will again but with so much more support. Those scars will become signs of strength of all the things your body has endured and has come through to get you well. His words will be a far off memory xx

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 06:47

nornironlady · 29/11/2024 06:35

@Imbluedalale thanks that's the 2nd time magnesium has been mentioned recently. I was using Boots peri multi vitamins and Marine collagen as my hair and nails started coming apart!
It's natural to be worried. You have done it before and you will again but with so much more support. Those scars will become signs of strength of all the things your body has endured and has come through to get you well. His words will be a far off memory xx

Awww bless you , why does all our women’s problems start with ‘men’?
menopause
mental health
Menstrual cramps
Mental breakdown

GUYnecologist

HISterectomy

MRS. has MR. in it…
SHE has HE in it…

Like we can’t even have our problems and illnesses ourselves !

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 06:47

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 06:47

Awww bless you , why does all our women’s problems start with ‘men’?
menopause
mental health
Menstrual cramps
Mental breakdown

GUYnecologist

HISterectomy

MRS. has MR. in it…
SHE has HE in it…

Like we can’t even have our problems and illnesses ourselves !

These are what my sister gets she said they help her loads …

Need a hand hold -Part 3
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nornironlady · 29/11/2024 06:55

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 06:47

Awww bless you , why does all our women’s problems start with ‘men’?
menopause
mental health
Menstrual cramps
Mental breakdown

GUYnecologist

HISterectomy

MRS. has MR. in it…
SHE has HE in it…

Like we can’t even have our problems and illnesses ourselves !

Everything is about them clearly 😂
I'm sure medical science has only started using the female body/skeleton in our lifetime. They used the average white male so if that's not you then how do you know any treatment is suitable. Drug testing is similar. Most things in society are designed for the average white man.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/11/2024 07:06

Morning spoonies! Lying in bed just had a cuppa and a mince pie. Please do not judge.
I am at the dentist at 9 am for a root canal on a big back tooth.
This in no way compares to what our @Imbluedalale is going through.
Hoping this might make you laugh today. I have a severe dental phobia. I now have a lovely dentist bless him he does his best.
I have had EMDR treatment which involves me tapping on my legs to calm the panic.
Also have some mobility issues, and can’t do bright lights. (I sound like a drama queen but there are valid reasons 😂)
Last time I went my other half forgot my wheelchair. After carrying me in there they put me on a leather couch. Very posh dentist. I’m in a knackered trackie. And huge sunglasses. Other patients are looking.
Other half tells a dental nurse he’s forgotten my wheels, so she offers us an office chair. On wheels.
So for the next half an hour I’m going between the dentist chair and x Ray on a pink office chair, sunglasses hanging off.
It was a tough job.
There I was lying in the chair, headphones on tuned into an episode of Eastenders, tapping away whilst repeating ‘I am in my safe space’ with water spraying over my sunglasses.
The lesson? Never fear public shame, embarrassment and humiliation 😂
And at the end I got wheeled into the street on that office chair.
Still in my 🕶️
(Today I’m going to repeat ‘the spoonies are with me’ and my lovely dentist won’t even ask!)

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/11/2024 07:08

PS I will brush my teeth after the mince pie!
And I won’t forget my wheels!

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 07:19

nornironlady · 29/11/2024 06:55

Everything is about them clearly 😂
I'm sure medical science has only started using the female body/skeleton in our lifetime. They used the average white male so if that's not you then how do you know any treatment is suitable. Drug testing is similar. Most things in society are designed for the average white man.

Well it was clearly a man that came up with all the names for things 😂xx

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Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 07:24

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/11/2024 07:06

Morning spoonies! Lying in bed just had a cuppa and a mince pie. Please do not judge.
I am at the dentist at 9 am for a root canal on a big back tooth.
This in no way compares to what our @Imbluedalale is going through.
Hoping this might make you laugh today. I have a severe dental phobia. I now have a lovely dentist bless him he does his best.
I have had EMDR treatment which involves me tapping on my legs to calm the panic.
Also have some mobility issues, and can’t do bright lights. (I sound like a drama queen but there are valid reasons 😂)
Last time I went my other half forgot my wheelchair. After carrying me in there they put me on a leather couch. Very posh dentist. I’m in a knackered trackie. And huge sunglasses. Other patients are looking.
Other half tells a dental nurse he’s forgotten my wheels, so she offers us an office chair. On wheels.
So for the next half an hour I’m going between the dentist chair and x Ray on a pink office chair, sunglasses hanging off.
It was a tough job.
There I was lying in the chair, headphones on tuned into an episode of Eastenders, tapping away whilst repeating ‘I am in my safe space’ with water spraying over my sunglasses.
The lesson? Never fear public shame, embarrassment and humiliation 😂
And at the end I got wheeled into the street on that office chair.
Still in my 🕶️
(Today I’m going to repeat ‘the spoonies are with me’ and my lovely dentist won’t even ask!)

Morning @PeggyMitchellsCameo , no judging here I had stew and a slice of bread at 4.30 this morning whilst my butter chicken was cooking. I thought shall I have stew or sugar puffs and I fancied stew. I hope you enjoyed the nice pie , have you tried the iced ones from M&S?
Sorry but your dentist story really made me laugh 😆 I can just picture you now.
We are definitely all with you today holding your hand , you can do this and we’re all behind you. Sending big hugs xx

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nornironlady · 29/11/2024 07:37

Oh I am loving the random food choices at silly AM!! I'm going for boiled eggs and toast, traditional breakfast food for this creature of habit!
@PeggyMitchellsCameo I too have terrible light sensitivity. I've got to have the lights out in work.....Mushroom Princess I call myself for the hassle it can cause sometimes and having to quote disability discrimination! I carry polarized shades EVERYWHERE, all year round.
I pointed out to @Imbluedalale that there are humans out there who won't even bother about personal care or washing before seeing medical professionals so they know who the clean ones are - a bit of toe fluff won't put then off....nor a knackered trackie 😅

RaspberryBeretxx · 29/11/2024 07:39

Imbluedalale · 29/11/2024 00:19

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , how’s your day been? Good I hope .
I saw this your today and it said ‘On particularly rough days, when I’m sure I can’t possible endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good’xx

Oh, that quote is perfect 💕💕. You have made it through all the bad days and will keep doing so 💪💪.

butter chicken curry sounds amazing 🤩😍!

For what it’s worth with the scars, it sounds like it’s just another way for your arsehole ex to put you down. Other than empathy for whatever caused the scar, I wouldn’t have any thoughts about a scar at all. They will become your battle scars, evidence that you’ve survived him and cancer 💪💕.

i had a good but busy day making chutney for little Christmas presents (we don’t tend to do adult presents but it’s nice to give a token!).

@PeggyMitchellsCameo the idea of you being wheeled around on an office chair in pink sunglasses 🤣🤣. I don’t have issues with light but love the idea of hiding behind sunnies at the dentist 😎. You should start a trend 😁.

👋 everyone else! Hope you’re all ok and have a good Friday 💕💕

TealPoet · 29/11/2024 08:04

@PeggyMitchellsCameo I hope it goes really well! I’m with you on the fear, the mobility issues and the bright lights - I think you handled it awesomely! Hopefully today will go much, much more smoothly for you.

@Imbluedalale I am so sorry that your horrible ex has made you feel that way about your scars. They’re just part of your story, and show the battles you’ve fought. I have three scars on my left hand - a long jagged one that goes all the way up my thumb, a round one on the back, and a small one on the inner wrist, all from where I fell through a glass door as a child (maybe 7 years old?). The hospital were really bad and took the stitches out early so the ones on my thumb and back of my hand are really noticeable - you can even still see the stitch marks 30 years later!

Now I don’t gamble, but as the phrase goes I’m willing to bet that knowing that, or even seeing it, wouldn’t make you think I was less than you thought of me yesterday. You’d care what happened and be sad for the pain, but the scars would just be part of me and my story. So treat yourself as you would everyone else my lovely; you are just as precious and beautiful no matter how many scars you have or may get in the future!

Sometimes scars can even be very precious - for about 5 years I had a small white scar visible on my hand where my old dog accidentally caught it with his claw - didn’t even break the skin, but scarred. And you know what? When it faded about three years after my darling boy passed way I cried - fully cried - I didn’t want it to fade! I literally have tears in my eyes typing this. So let those scars be triumphant memories of your victories, poignant reminders of your struggle, or even part of a special memory, but never think they make you less!

I’ll get down off my soapbox now and say I hope today goes well for everyone, but especially you two!

BeNavyCrab · 29/11/2024 10:22

TealPoet · 29/11/2024 08:04

@PeggyMitchellsCameo I hope it goes really well! I’m with you on the fear, the mobility issues and the bright lights - I think you handled it awesomely! Hopefully today will go much, much more smoothly for you.

@Imbluedalale I am so sorry that your horrible ex has made you feel that way about your scars. They’re just part of your story, and show the battles you’ve fought. I have three scars on my left hand - a long jagged one that goes all the way up my thumb, a round one on the back, and a small one on the inner wrist, all from where I fell through a glass door as a child (maybe 7 years old?). The hospital were really bad and took the stitches out early so the ones on my thumb and back of my hand are really noticeable - you can even still see the stitch marks 30 years later!

Now I don’t gamble, but as the phrase goes I’m willing to bet that knowing that, or even seeing it, wouldn’t make you think I was less than you thought of me yesterday. You’d care what happened and be sad for the pain, but the scars would just be part of me and my story. So treat yourself as you would everyone else my lovely; you are just as precious and beautiful no matter how many scars you have or may get in the future!

Sometimes scars can even be very precious - for about 5 years I had a small white scar visible on my hand where my old dog accidentally caught it with his claw - didn’t even break the skin, but scarred. And you know what? When it faded about three years after my darling boy passed way I cried - fully cried - I didn’t want it to fade! I literally have tears in my eyes typing this. So let those scars be triumphant memories of your victories, poignant reminders of your struggle, or even part of a special memory, but never think they make you less!

I’ll get down off my soapbox now and say I hope today goes well for everyone, but especially you two!

That's a beautiful way to put it. I see scars, stretch marks and the like as badges of honour. They are the proof that we have endured, overcome something and are still here fighting for what is important. If we are fortunate enough to live until old age, we are all going to end up with wrinkles and saggy bits, so what's a few scars between friends? There's no way a scar would change an opinion of someone.

I'm sorry you lost your special companion and I can understand why losing the scar was so symbolic and emotional for you x🫂

Apolloneuro · 29/11/2024 10:28

Oh bless you @PeggyMitchellsCameo that dentist story is supreme. It’ll all be over by now. Root canals take soooooo long, so I hope you’re jaw doesn’t ache from keeping your mouth open.

Apolloneuro · 29/11/2024 10:31

Well I’ve just got back from the docs. The frigging uti won’t go and has morphed into another bug. Another week of antibiotics.

And it looks like I’ve got bleeding gall stones. Never mind. Worse things happen at sea, so the saying goes. Poor doc built up a sweat digging his hands into my blubbery tum tum to locate my gallbladder. 😂

edited to add bleeding as in effing hell, not that they’re actually bleeding. 🩸