Need a hand hold -Part 3

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

Morning my lovely, I do hope you’ve slept despite everything. You have such a crowd of us rooting for you. You’re so clearly such a great, loving mum and so incredibly brave. You shouldn’t have to have these fights, but you’ll win them. As Marie in Aristocats says, “ladies do not start fights, but they can finish them”.

I fully second everyone saying that this should be a complaint but that your and your daughter’s wellbeing trumps so we’ll support you in whatever choice is best for you. Please, please do document everything though. And you definitely need doorbell and security cameras! They’re useful anyway, and a good thing for all kinds of circumstances.

BIG BIG HUGS and lots of prayers for you today my lovely.

I'm hoping to be able to sit up and start some of my Christmas card making today. I'm starting to feel like the coughing is easing a bit and being more upright might help to keep it off my chest.

I'm also trawling through different websites for Xmas presents or ideas. It's always my job to come up with them every year. Including the ones from grandparents to the kids and vice versa. It can be a bit stressful but I do have more time to research them than others do. My mum has also had a few experiences of falling for scams, getting confused about what things are or not reading reviews, so buying absolute junk, often for a higher price. My dad is virtually blind so not much help with checking she's not on a dodgy website either.

@nornironlady That's great news about the educational support for you and your son. Sorry to hear he's also got a cold. I do think there's been more bugs this season and this last cold has been a bit of a boomerang. It happened to both myself and husband. You start to feel better and then it jumps on you again and feel bad again. We try to limit the exposure to known illnesses as I'm very vulnerable but you can't avoid everything. Especially when people are often contagious before they feel ill themselves. Hopefully if he's really fit and well most of the time, he's going to make a quick recovery.

Good morning @nornironlady , how are you today on nothing day Tuesday?
I slept terribly last night got about 2 hours . The workmen are here this morning putting my flooring down and it’s very loud hammering away .
The VP has definitely made everything worse she’s told my daughter that all safeguarding leads have to ask these questions to pupils and try and probe to get more information. I was tossing and turning all night thinking about it and I still don’t know what to do unfortunately. I’m going to speak to my MH team when the workmen go and see what they say. Thank you for your help with a complaint and for supporting me . It’s really not sitting well with me what’s she done but on the other hand I don’t want to be the cause of somebody getting into trouble because of me.
What’s a work Xmas shopping day? I hope your son feels better soon xx

Good morning @Munchyseeds2 , how’s your morning going?
I had a bad nights sleep but I’m not too tired. Got workmen here all day. Also had another workman knock on the door saying they have to still up my drive or something because there’s an internet blockage so I probably won’t be able to get internet fitted on Friday .
I’m really looking forward to my daughter coming and hopefully my son once he’s back from Liverpool. I’m really worried for my daughter I’ve just found out she’s on a break from her boyfriend and they’ve been together over 4 years she’s got al lot of stress on and yesterday has just massively added to it xx

Laura if you do decide to complain remember - YOU are not getting her in trouble, SHE has got herself in trouble by her unacceptable behaviour. Like with your ex, this is on THEM, not you!

Good morning Laura, I’m so sorry you have another thing to worry about. Totally incompetent vice principal, should know better! And she also the safe guard officer!
But as others have said, you do whatever you think best for yourself and your daughter.
Once again, you have shown, what an amazing mum you are, and your children know this. Knowing they can turn to you, whenever they need you.

You new furniture looks lovely, and it will be lovely when all your flooring is laid today.

We are all here behind you, whenever you need us. 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄😘🌺

The VP - generally if a student’s parent has an injury (eg a broken leg) it’s not really protocol to ask the student if it was an injury caused by one parent to another. It makes absolutely no sense at all.
And if the VP has any awareness of DV, and knows the injury was inflicted by one parent, to the other, the LAST thing you would do is bring it up straight with the student. Last thing. You would certainly speak to someone else for advice, it would normally involve the Head by then!

Good morning @RaspberryBeretxx How’s your day going? Good I hope.
I’ve got flooring people here and they are currently doing hall and stairs but I’m desperate for a pee bit can’t get to either toilet 😩
It is brilliant news that my daughter is going to be here from next week , I’m looking forward to looking after her and pampering her.
I feel ok ish despite lack of sleep and throat still hurting and feels blocked but I’m seeing my oncologist next Monday so hopefully they can reassure me it’s nothing to worry about . I’ve been having a few nightmares last few days when I do actually sleep and last night had a nightmare about ex’s mum attacking me so that wasn’t great.
Awww I’m welling up at your lovely comment about me being a fantastic mum , that’s so lovely , thank you very much. I’m still not used to such lovely positive things being said about me but I do pocket every lovely comment .
Wow your day sounds hectic! I hope you manage a few tea breaks in between. I can’t wait to see the finished results of your conservatory xx

I’m keeping all my fingers crossed that you get a home assessment before Xmas @nornironlady xx

Hi @BeNavyCrab . How’s your day going?
Im honestly still completely baffled at what the VP has done , she’s caused a huge amount of stress and worry for me and daughter . I’ve told daughter to keep all the messages she sends ex doesn’t check her phone so that should be ok.
I just don’t understand why she didn’t make contact with me re the email but instead pulled my daughter from her class and said I had sent an email and the details of that email now she’s telling daughter I didn’t send an email and that she got it wrong! That’s a big issue and a major worry now that when and if I do tell her everything she probably won’t believe me now.
I’m definitely going to look into getting a ring doorbell and I’m going to ask my dad to cover up my kitchen window until I can get a blind for it as that made me feel uneasy last night xx

Afternoon lovely , how are you?
Thank you very much that means so so much.
Im still unsure how to go about this so I’m not going to do anything until I feel more confident about whatever I decide to do . I just don’t like that the VP is now backtracking saying she doesn’t think she said that xx

Hi @Nottogetapenny , how are you today? Good I hope .
Thank you for your lovely comments and support it really means more than you’ll ever know .
Im looking forward to seeing the end results of the flooring although they said something about the doors needing planing so I’ve texted my dad and told him as my heads a shed today and nothings going in xx

Hey @Imbluedalale try not worry hard as it is. From what I can gather the VP did the opposite of what she should have. Here to help and support whatever you do. Other spoonies have been amazing as always and have much better words than I do!
So the shopping day is a sort of thank you for all our hard work during the year. It's a free day off at management discretion. I'd say not much shopping actually gets done!
Focus on your daughter being with you next week for now and I hope you don't wet yourself being too polite to ask to use your own toilet 😂😂

Good afternoon @PeggyMitchellsCameo , how are you?
She actually said to me firstly that she thought daughter would already know and then she said to daughter that she asked about my broken ribs because it protocol to try and obtain more information. I’ve never heard such nonsense in my life! My daughter asked if I had emailed the school as the VP told her I had but now the VP is saying I didn’t email and she got it wrong with another pupil . She’s just making everything even worse xx

I can really sympathise with the nightmares Laura. We just had some devastating news about a family member and although it's a different thing, it's triggered my PTSD like symptoms from being in critical care. My brain is adding what I can remember with what I am imagining about their situation and making me dream as if it's happening to me. The trouble is that I was in such a limbo due to drugs, illness and organ failure that I can remember the pain of procedures and in my nightmare it feels like I'm feeling it all again. Luckily it's just my husband here for a few weeks because I have been crying screaming before I wake up.

My daughter is already emotionally disturbed by me moaning when my pain is bad. So she'd be terrified if it's still going on when she comes home for Xmas.'I'm just hoping I get it out of my system before then.😬

I guess in a way it's our brains dealing with difficult situations and the doctor from critical care said it's a natural response to trauma and can be healthy. It might be the same for you? Just your brain trying to accept it and deal with the anxiety, now that you are out of place where it happened.

@BeNavyCrab have you heard of EMDR? It’s a way of processing trauma. Feel free to message me if you’d like more info x

I AM HOME.

Huge hugs for you too! Those kinds of nightmares are dreadful - it’s awful feeling pain in your sleep and going through all those dreadful illnesses and medical procedures yet again! I hope you can find some relief before your daughter comes home <3

And Laura I’m sure we all agree you are an amazing mum

@Apolloneuro No I've never heard of that! I'd be interested to know a little about it if you can tell me ❤️

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/eye-movement-desensitisation-and-reprocessing-emdr/#:~:text=EMDR%20(Eye%20Movement%20Desensitisation%20and,a%20specific%20and%20structured%20format.

It’s an accepted therapy and used by psychologists. There are different levels of training for it and, like lots of things, best to use someone with the highest level of certification (can’t remember what that is off the top of my head) x

Thank you very much @nornironlady . You’ve all been amazing and I’m so glad to have you all in my life.
Thats brilliant that your company does a free shopping day , how lovely. Do they pay for your shopping too?😂. No but that is above thing to do.
I’ve just had all my flooring done it looks lovely , I finally built up the courage to ask if I could go to the toilet and just as I was about to ask there was a knock at the door and the plumber wanted to do some work on my toilets 😩😩😩😩. Let’s just say the relief I feel right now after that pee is very very nice. The flooring people kept al my doors open and it was freezing and I was worried re security with ex and family but didn’t want to cause a fuss so I was sat at the kitchen table getting myself into a flap xx

I’m really sorry to hear that your PTSD has been triggered by bad news @BeNavyCrab . Sending you a big hug ❤️
I’m also sorry to hear you’ve been In critical care, that must have been so hard for you and your family. I can completely understand the worry re your daughter but I’m sure she’d want to help look after you , your her mum at the end of the day. You sound like an incredibly strong intelligent woman xx

Yayyyyy 🙏☕️🍪🤗🎺

In my extremely basic way of explaining as I’m no expert, brains have a left side and a right side.

Every day, the brain receives information in the left (I think) side - conversations, sounds, smells, the way you jumped when a car horn went off etc.

At night the brain filters this info and chucks out trivial stuff and processes info into the right side, where things are stored like little jigsaw pieces of memory.

In the case of big trauma, the right side of the brain sort of goes ‘That’s awful info, I’m not accepting that!” therefore the info isn’t processed.

Unprocessed info then stays in the left - here and now - side, so it continues to feel like it’s happening now.

The consequence of this is that you feel the same sense of danger/fear etc you would have at the time of the trauma.

EMDR is a method whereby this trauma is processed into the right hand side. Here it becomes a memory. You don’t forget it, but you no longer feel the emotion about it (or as much)

It involves talking about the trauma whilst either tapping your shoulders or following the therapists fingers going left to right, with your eyes.

In my experience it works xx

@BeNavyCrab so sorry to hear about your family member's news and also it triggering your PTSD. That sounds so hard . Hope some christmas card making helps occupy your mind a bit. I'd love to see pics if you get some done. That sounds hard work being the Christmas present ideas person although hope it's fun choosing things as well as making sure your mum doesn't get scammed.

@Apolloneuro I'd heard of EDMR but never heard what it actually does, that's such a great explanation. And a big HOORAY for finally getting home! Hope you're having a relaxed day and enjoying some home comforts.

Big hug for the nightmares Laura @Imbluedalale . Hope you're OK now. Exciting about the flooring though! Send us a pic? I think you were having wood laminate? I'd really like to get that all through my downstairs. Glad you finally got to have a wee! It sounds really stressful having to have all your doors open though. Hope you're relaxing in a nice warm house with doors closed now.

I'm procrastinating and not doing either work or painting! Ex just asked if he could take DS on a little holiday over Christmas so I'm feeling a bit sad about that as we've always shared the day. I'm not sure if DS will want to go or he might just say yes he does to please his Dad. I don't know how he'll feel about missing out on his little sister opening her presents. Maybe we can do 2 Christmas days.

I wore this scarf for the first time today and realised I can't do "artfully draped" like the pics online and ended up looking like the scarf was trying to eat my head 😂www.next.co.uk/style/su393919/b62885