Need a hand hold -Part 3

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

Thank you @Munchyseeds2 , I will give them a call in the morning . I’m so angry at her but I don’t like getting people into trouble it’s one of my worst personality traits I normally just take whatever happens so it doesn’t affect the other person xx

I'm so glad you got to see your son and his GF. That sounds a bit of a positive in amongst the shit! Oh and the beautiful sofa! So lovely and looks super comfy. I love the footstools.

I think that's so awful that the vice principal is now trying to backtrack and gaslight your daughter and texting her! It is almost worse than saying it in the first place that she's trying to cover it up in this way. And that she's the safeguarding lead. I'm sure your daughter will just be upset about the situation in general and just be processing it all but she'll come around. None of this is your fault, it must just be a big shock to your daughter.

Thank you @TealPoet , as you know I’m feeling very upset by it all . I have tried my hardest to shield my children and whilst some might not agree with that it was the best thing for me at the time. There was one occasion ex started kicking off and I knew where it was going so I asked him to wait until the children were in bed and he did , sometimes I deliberately went outside into the big shed knowing he would follow me so it wasn’t inside and was away from everyone . When I was in hospital with the broken ribs he came to see me and took my bank card to use to get food etc whilst I wasn’t there and I had to give him hospital parking money. I don’t know why I’m saying this it’s just all come back to me today xx

Thank you very much for the hugs @AdmittowearingCrocs . I have got the details of the principal I’m just unsure what to do at the moment . Hopefully tomorrow I won’t be as upset and can get my head together xx

Thank you @RaspberryBeretxx . It’s been a difficult day that’s for sure . I just want a simple life is that too much to ask? My mums worried this is going to set me back but I’ve told her it won’t, I keep telling myself it’s just a bad day not a bad life. Now my daughter’s saying that the vice principal spoke to her again this afternoon and said she had got it wrong and just presumed my ex had broken my ribs . What the actual f xxx? Now my daughter is super confused by it all because now vice principal has backtracked what she said so my daughters questioning herself now which makes me more angry xx

Oh that’s shockingly bad from the vice principal! How horrible for your daughter to find out like that. And even more unprofessional of her to ask you not to complain, contact your daughter and keep changing her story - WTF? She sounds like an absolute idiot.

It’s heartbreaking what you went through, and the lengths you went to to protect your children from it. He deserves for everyone to know what he did to you, but it’s not fair on your kids to find out this way.

You don’t need to decide what to do about following up with the college until you’re ready.

Oh darling spoonie. I felt sick about what you wrote about going out to the shed etc.

Your poor daughter. I’m ever so cross. It’s one thing to make a mistake, but to gas light like that is despicable.

Try to snuggle up and get some sleep. You’re safely secure in your home.

This right here breaks my heart because she’s questioning herself now ….

If I were you I’d not say anything more to her before you’ve spoken to your mental health team. They’ll have an idea about how to handle it. If you’re forced to say anything maybe say something like “well we’re all ok now and you’ve got your lovely room.”

It's definitely not too much to ask for a simple life and you DO deserve one and you will get there. Definitely a bad day and not a bad life - you've just had too many bad days and my heart breaks thinking of what you had to go through to keep the abuse from your children. You're doing amazing at taking a day at a time. I'm so sorry your daughter is confused and questioning herself now. Hope you can get some rest tonight and work on next steps tomorrow. Sending a big hug, hope you manage to get some rest.

ETA your poor DD, I think discussing with your MH team like @Apolloneuro says is a good plan and just don't confirm with your DD till you've done that tomorrow. just send her lots of love and glad she's OK etc.

OMG! MASSIVE Hugs!

Other people have given you better advice on the Vice Principal than I could, so I'll just say I hope she gets bedbugs. The drug-resistant kind.

I think if your daughter is thinking she may have been confused, maybe that's what she wants/needs to think right now, for her peace of mind. It must have been such a shock to hear what the VP said, so this might be her mind's way of protecting her. It will probably take her time to process all this. Massive hugs to you both.

Regarding what you do about the VP - whatever is right for YOU is the right choice here. If you want to put it behind you and move on, then that's ok as you are the most important person in this. If you want to hand her her arse on a plate (having removed it with a blunt and rusty spoon!) that is also ok.

That’s a good idea @Apolloneuro . Thank you .
She’s like me because she keeps saying she doesn’t want to get the vice principal into trouble so now she’s saying maybe she heard it wrong . I don’t want her questioning herself when she’s completely right . Anyway I’ve said goodnight to her and told her how much I love her and that there’s nothing to be worried about anymore xx

You are a flipping fabulous mum - I hope you know that

Very well said. I think she’s already had bed bugs though and they’ve gone into her brain!

Thank you very much @RaspberryBeretxx .
Honestly please don’t worry about me there’s far worse off people in the world. I just think this is the first time I’ve felt fear from ex since I left and it’s not a nice feeling. And also knowing my daughter feels upset and confused . Aslong as she’s ok that’s all that matters xx

He can’t follow you into the shed ever again, angel.

Hi @ChoccieCornflake , thank you so much for thinking I’m a fabulous mum that means so much as I’ve been questioning that a lot today .
You made me chuckle at the bed bugs comment , I’m hoping that too. But I hope shes bitten her nails to the core tonight worrying whether I'm going to say anything so when she gets bed buds she can’t scratch .
I do think that my daughter is definitely trying to process it in her own way just wish there was more I could do for her and give her a cuddle.
She knows I’m there for her and next week she will be here permanently thankfully xx

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Good morning Spoonies.
@Imbluedalale I'm devastated by yesterday's events for both you and your daughter. I feel like with every action they made the situation worse and have forced you to lie and cover up and furtherconfused a child. . Its not sitting well with me and you know I'm happy to help with a complaint . Others have given great insight so you know we are all behind you whatever you decide to do. I'd put it in writing though so you have a record. Schools use the phone too much for SEN and wouldn't write down half the things they voice so I try to use email every time. You can't remember it all either when emotions run high.
I'm on my work Xmas shopping day and was going to take my son to town but he's not bothered. He has a rare cold. For all his issues he's NEVER sick so he must feel rough 😂 hopefully it keeps him quiet today!

Morning everyone!

@Imbluedalale hope you managed to get some sleep last night lovely
Great news that your daughter will be with you next week, a chance to rebuild relationships and to inform her of past events as and when YOU feel the time is right

Never doubt that you are a fantastic mum, we only read words but your love and care for your kids is clear to see
I bet you are a really good friend as well

@Apolloneuro hope you get home today!
@nornironlady Christmas shopping day?? I wish😂

Morning spoonies 👋.

She knows I’m there for her and next week she will be here permanently thankfully xx

I missed this bit last night Laura! That’s amazing news 💕. So glad she will be out and with you and settled. Hope you managed sone sleep and are feeling ok today. How’s the throat?

Just echoing everyone who is saying you’re a fantastic mum, you really are. Just look at all you’ve been through for them and how it’s their best interests that are always driving you. They are very very lucky to have you 😍.

@nornironlady hope your DS is ok, sorry he is coldy but hope it keeps him quiet! Have you managed to get out Christmas shopping anyway?

@Apolloneuro hope you and your lovely green coat make it home today 🤞.

👋 @Munchyseeds2 hope you have a good Tuesday!

Tuesdays are my most manic day. Nursery run, coffee with the boss for a few hours then I need to give the new room another coat of paint and try and tidy up my bad cutting in (why did I choose green for 2 walls?!) while also putting in a full WFH afternoon. DS has 3 lots of homework too 🤪.

@RaspberryBeretxx that is a full on day for you so enjoy the coffee morning while you can.
It's all great ideas on the painting until it actually comes to doing it. My kitchen is 2 colours and the cutting in is left to me or it would look much worse!
I'm not going further than the Spar today 😂 while it's a free day off work most of my shopping is online. I was just trying to get my son out for a change of scene but he's not at all bothered. I did hear from school on getting a home assessment with educational psychologist so it should be before Xmas. Little steps but going forward.

@Imbluedalale

I've just caught up with what the VP has done to try to fix her almighty stuff up. Why the hell did she decide that lying about what she meant, was a reasonable solution?

I'm really really angry with her because not only is she gaslighting your daughter but she's now trying to prepare her defense by saying she can't remember disclosing it, when it's obvious she did. I'm concerned about her texting her on her phone too.

It's wrong to be texting a mobile in the first place but it's even worse when she has no idea if your daughter would see it in private or others could read it too! It's a serious breach of trust and she should have made a private meeting with both you and work out what, if anything, you wanted to disclose to your daughter. Then it should have been face to face with you all and any further concerns about the possibility of violence due to disclosure could have been raised.

I'd definitely be putting in a complaint with the principal and then considering if you take it further.

Imagine if it was someone who had much younger children and they couldn't "keep the secret". Or had texted their Dad straight away because they didn't understand the risk. It's very very common for people to hide the violence from their kids, so interrogating your daughter for the details was highly inappropriate.

Now your daughter is thinking she got it wrong and left having to stay quiet. When you are finally in the position when you are able to tell her everything, she's going to wonder if it's true, as a supposed professional has now lied to her.

Both of you are also put under immense mental strain worrying about what reaction your ex will have, when there's already an ongoing threat. It's so unfair for you to be put in this position Laura.

I would definitely think about getting a couple of ring door cameras for your doorways. It's Black Friday on at Amazon at the moment. I've never had one myself but I think that you can set up alerts when there's movement. You might be able to get advice from the DV support.

On a happier note, your sofa looks brilliant and so comfy. I bet your kids are going to be so impressed by how quickly their new second home is coming together.

@Apolloneuro I really hope you manage to get home. It's been some very wild weather in the SW and there's been some nasty accidents both on and off the road. I was supposed to be going out for dinner yesterday but it was just too bad to venture out.

Glad you can have a free day to pop to the spar and shop online! sounds perfect :). Ugh, cutting in is the worst!

That's great news on your DS's home assessment with an education psychologist. You're doing such a great job with it all, I can't imagine how exhausting it is fighting for what your DS needs.

@BeNavyCrab hope your Tuesday is going well so far. That's such a good idea on the ring doorbell.