Need a hand hold -Part 3

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

Ah, that's really hard. I get the home schooling being not an option just now. There's always something like Inter High or similar for high school so it's all online and you're not the one forcing it, if he was OK with taking that responsibility on. I know that's expensive though (relatively). Hope school can find a solution for you all. There's also unschooling (at home) - I've been on a few home ed FB groups for a few work related reasons and was always so interested to read about people who just totally followed the child's lead and allowed/helped them to research/investigate whatever interested them. It sounds like he really needs to just feel safe now though and that you're taking the right approach. Sending a hug!

@TealPoet I too placed a high value on education until I realised it's designed to be easy to manage for teachers although I know it's not. It's not about the individual and one style of learning doesn't fit all. My son doesn't sit at a table or upright on anything so the school set up is torture. He makes noises to self soothe so traditional environments aren't suitable. They haven't got the system he needs. Play therapy was amazing but there's huge waiting lists. If he would engage I'd do anything but he won't respond to me as a teacher. Next step is home assessment with an educational psychologist so I will see what else they suggest. He should have been offered this over a year ago but the person who did initial assessment went off sick and he was forgotten. Same old story.

One of the worst things this country has done in education is to shut so many of the schools for children with SEN.

Mainstream schools are brilliant for some children, fine for most and horrific for a few.

Hi guys , I hope you’re all ok.
Just thought I’d say hi to you all and give you an update as I’m not feeling too well with my throat.
First of all I’ve just been reading all the posts since I was last online and we have some absolutely amazing mamma bears on here. If anybody hasn’t told you today , your amazing and I’m in awe of you all.
Ive managed to get a little bit of admin stuff done. Not as much as I wanted but I feel quite rotten with my throat but I’ve ticked a few things off my wish list.
Received my first parcel today and wondered ‘what’s this’? Omg @nornironlady Has sent me the most beautiful gifts for my home I was in tears , they are beautiful and a lovely tin of luxury cookies which I will not be eating in my sleep I want to remember every bite . Thank you so so much @nornironlady , that is so kind. ❤️
I have spoken to the school too and they put me through to the safeguarding manager and we had a long talk. She was absolutely lovely and very understanding. I’m not sure if you was aware but my ex is a traveller hence we lived in a mobile home on his families land , I’m not btw! I met him when he was a professional sport player. Even though we lived in a mobile home that’s the only difference we had. Ex never travelled , had full time job and children all lived like non travellers and went to school and further education. Probably only difference I noticed was that the women are expected to do everything and the males were the kings. If dads hungry you make him something straight away , if dads poorly you nurse him back to health , if dad wants a cup of tea no matter what your doing you make him one . So I struggled a lot with that especially when I was working too. Anyway what an absolute bastard my ex is ! He has used the traveller law for my youngest to take him out of school that’s why the school have had to agree it . She said that we both have number one priority on the school admin so either one of us can make decisions on behalf of youngest without consent from other . But that’s now going to change as I’ve asked to be informed of every decision. They haven’t actually read the email yet as apparently they use a third party to read the emails and they havnt been informed of it yet. So I updated her with everything and everything that has gone on . I told her that I’m not a traveler which they know and that we have never used ‘traveller rights’ for any of our children , ever ! She said that some things that were agreed when ex had meeting hadn’t been followed through as ex was meant to give them dates and timeframes but he hasn’t bothered ringing them since the meeting and they thought it was for a few days not 10. Anyway there’s nothing I can do about this time apart from son being able to do all his work online whilst he’s there which I really hope he does . Only way I can get ‘traveller rights’ removed from youngest school
profile is by getting a court order so another headache to sort out . What an absolute twatty move he’s done there I’m so angry with him xx

You have to fight so hard! Obviously you’re doing an amazing job for him 💕

Just to clarify, by ‘education’ I meant learning itself, not the school system in any way! I think there are many, many far better forms for a lot of kids

Ah Laura. Useful update. I don’t think you had told us that. I see what’s happened. He’s a stinker isn’t he.

Never mind, my love. You’ve tried your best and marked his card with the school.

Have you registered with a GP, so you can get your throat checked? Xx

I’m ever so bossy aren’t I? It’s only because I’m old enough to be your mum (and I am a little bossy person, truth be told 😃😳😂). It comes from a place of caring xx

Hi @Apolloneuro , I never thought to mention that as it wasn’t ever the life we lived regarding travelling and it definitely never affected the children in any way as they lived a normal life especially with their education. There was a few occasions where ex said to let them have day off school and I said absolutely not but other than that and the males being chauvinistic pigs it was just normal every day life. Well obviously not normal in what ex did but normal living if that makes sense.
What makes me so angry about it is that they can add ‘traveller rights’ to son’s profile but can’t remove them without a court order . That doesn’t make sense to me all at . And no I haven’t registered yet it’s on my wish list I will try and do that tomorrow xx

Trying to put the pissed offiness to back of my mind . Sorted out a cupboard and made a bauble jar xx

No wonder you are angry! I’m angry for you. You did so well, telling your son’s school the whole situation. Hopefully they can put in place your wishes and keep you informed.
Thank goodness you have got away from that chauvinistic, bastard of a husband! He should have no right’s his behaviour doesn’t deserve any.
Sorry you aren’t feel well, a sore throat is horrible, honey and lemon is good for a sore throat!
🥄🏠🌺😘

Hello@Imbluedalale Oh bless you Laura, your throat has been rumbling on for a while now, I'm another who thinks you might need to get something for it
I hope you have had a lovely, restful day just pottering and getting things as you want them
I'm glad that you finally got to talk to someone at the school.. remember, play the long game lovely

Whats the plan for the rest of the week?
It has been cold here today but lovely blue sky, my car doors were frozen shut this morning 😂 that was fun!

Hi to every else, my heart goes out to everyone battling to get the best for the DCs, provision for anyone who doesn't fit the norm just doesn't seem to be there anymore and it's so sad and frustrating😣

Dear lord your ex is a piece of work isn't he! The school sound a bit slack too, but ex is definitely the number one twat in this situation! On the upside, at least this is all costing your ex money (40 quid a day to your son wasn't it?!), and your son is making a mint out of it! Plus, more to the point, you're not letting ex see it's annoyed you, which is probably really pissing him off. Awesome!!

No perfume yet today - I totally forgot! I shall try harder tomorrow!🙂

As to my dangerous cutlery drawer - it's definitely something to be amused by! Going in there is well dangerous if you're not careful! My parents bought me a vegetable spiralizer, which should be illegal given how spiky it is! That's what puts me off sorting the rest of the drawer to be honest - I don't want to rile up the spiralizer and have it go after me! 😀

Big hugs to all the SEN kids and parents of SEN kids on here. It's crazy how the system really has no back up plan if the standard education model doesn't work for someone.

Hi @Nottogetapenny , how are you today?
I am angry but until I get a court order there’s not a lot I can do, makes me feel like such a shit parent tbh. My mum and dad are fuming with it all but the safeguarding officer I spoke to well she was lovely and she really understood the situation. I did end up getting upset on the phone but she was so lovely and kind and said I’ve done the bravest thing getting away. My mum said I should start using what I have against him with the police etc but I really don’t want to get him into trouble , how sad does that make me?And also I don’t want to play his game because I’m still afraid of him and what he will do.
I’ve got some honey and lemon I’m just having some now whilst I’m sorting out my craft box xx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , how’s your day been (apart from the frozen car doors 😂)
I spoke to my cancer nurse today as she rang me re an appointment and I told her that my that’s playing up and she said to see how it goes over next week and if still hurting she will arrange an mri to check my lymph nodes so hopefully it will get better soon. It is more prominent when I lay down for some reason?
I’ve managed to get a few things done despite feeling unwell, I’ve disinfected all my kitchen and cleaned a cupboard out and other little bits. I got a second hand kitchen table and chairs which just needs a lick of paint but o really like it . My mum got me some lovely thick seat cushions for the chairs too.
Tomorrow I have my cooker coming so I’m looking forward to cooking a joint , I might do a gammon joint so I can make a few meals with it. Might have it with new potatoes and peas tomorrow , then a sandwich another day and pea and ham soup .
Friday my support worker is coming to see me and sat my mum and dad coming again to put up lights and curtains for patio doors . Can’t do a lot until flooring is down as it’s £10 an item to remove something as I’ll be here on my own so going to put most of it up after it’s been done xx

Hi @ChoccieCornflake , how are you today?
Yes he really is , but not going to let him see that he’s affecting me . But he is a first class arse bandit!
Yeah he’s paying son £40 a day so x10 that’ll be £400 so more fool him. I wonder what hmrc will think of him working cash in hand and bringing back 30k each winter and not paying tax or national insurance?
I’m looking forward to your next perfume update , mp or M&S havnt got back to me yet re a free years supply??
What the hell is a vegetable spiralizer?😂xx

Ditto!
Also for all the mums on here having a hard time and struggling I have something for you . Have a listen because you’re all amazing ….

By the way …
How many mugs do my mum and dad think I need? 😂😂
Do they think I have guests? I’ve just counted and Aswell as my mum tree I’ve got 21 cups as there’s more in a box in the room! 🤣🤣🤣xx

First craft on first page of my scrap book ….

You can never have too many mugs!!
Love the first page of crafting

I'm a vindictive old bag and would have no hesitation in reporting twatface to the police, HMRC....( I'm sure you could do this one anonamously )and anyone else I could think of
He deserves all the bad things that come his way and you owe him nothing
I do understand how you are reluctant tho xxx

Well done for contacting the school Laura. Glad they listened to you even though they couldn’t do anything about the traveller status.
I love your scrap book page, really celebrates your new home.
Here’s hoping your throat feels better soon, it has been hanging around a while.
I love h my mugs you have 😄 I also have a whole cupboard full but live alone. Some of my excess mug have a sentimental attachment so I can’t bear to get rid of them 🌻

Evening all. It would only be fair to report this man but I understand our Laura might be best placed for a while concentrating on herself and her health.
Whilst keeping a watchful eye on everything in her world.
I have read a few threads on here tonight - not DV ones - but from broken hearted women treated so badly. Loving mums being cheated on, and the story is often same - if I leave who will want me? It makes me so sad.
One thing about getting older is you become more aware of the time you have left, and that it’s not for wasting. There is nothing worse in this world than being trapped in awful marriage or relationship.
Women are wonderful and resourceful creatures.
And following a broken heart of any kind there really does come a day when something shifts, and you start to feel better.
Having a new sense of freedom is priceless. And learning to keep your standards high in the future is the best lesson getting older has taught me.

Evening @Munchyseeds2 . How’s your evening going?
It was very therapeutic doing crafts at my kitchen table and really helped take my mind off what ex is doing. The thing with ex is that if police or hmrc contact him he will know it was me that’s why I didn’t want police to take the DV any further I just wanted it documented. I know it sounds silly but he’s done so much to the and ruin me and he will just keep doing it if I do that. If I show no reaction to what he’s doing then hopefully he will get bored xx

Hi @AdmittowearingCrocs how are you today? Is it cold where you are?
Thank you for liking my first page of my scrapbook.
I hope my throat feels better soon too it seems to hurt more than ever today it feels like I’ve got loads of pressure on it for some reason.
I do love mugs I have matching ones for the colour scheme in the kitchen but my favourite are the pink ones. have you got a favourite mug?
Ive cleaned another cupboard out , got a ham joint out to defrost it looks like it’ll feed the whole street!😂 and I’ve put my washing on the drying rack it’s made the whole house smell lovely I love the smell of fresh washing. Oh and I got a second hand lamp for £5 it just needs a polish and my daughter wants a cream/beige bedroom so hopefully she will like it if not I’ll have it for my room . Oh and my youngest has suggested we get too good to go bags when he is here 😂xx

Evening @PeggyMitchellsCameo . How’s your evening going? It’s freezing here again tonight. Just going to run a bath, do you know how much it costs to run a bath? Just want to keep an eye on it and not have too many if it costs too much. Actually tell me after I’ve had my bath 🤣
I have read many sad threads too, it’s so unfair and I feel so sorry for them . Your right about there being nothing worse than staying in an unhappy relationship, my mental health team said to me many times towards the end that if I didn’t leave soon he was going to kill me. At least now I feel safe and I’m away from his mental and psychical abuse . Well he’s still mentally abusing me but he won’t ever see my reaction to it anymore.
I get to start again , I hope all the other women do too xx