Need a hand hold -Part 3

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

Good morning @RaspberryBeretxx , how are you this morning?
Im so pleased to have a day at home today to potter about and enjoy it all and do a few bits and bobs . My son isn’t in Liverpool yet but he’s definitely going as my daughter told me about the meeting ex had at school and that ex is picking son up to take him to Liverpool, I’m hoping I can speak with the school today and ask to speak to the principal and attendance officer.
Thank you for the hugs 🤗 , I really hope I see my children soon too, my daughter said she’s coming to see me this week so I’m looking forward to that.
The snowman looks brill! I bet your daughter was in her element bless her.
Sending big hugs back and to all the other spoonies. Happy middle of the week day xx

Hi @ChaosHol1 , thank you so much for taking the time to read my threads. And thank you for your lovely kind words. They truly mean so much.
Im so happy in my safe space, my dad bless him has put extra locks everywhere it’s like fort knocks and I need about 5 keys just to get out 😂
I hope you have a lovely day today @ChaosHol1 xx

Hi @ChoccieCornflake , how are you today? What perfume is it going to be for today?
My spoon seems happy in its drawer, I’m going to keep it forever and hopefully one day I’ll be able to tell my grandchildren all about it . But I’m hoping that’s a long way off yet 😂
Sorry but the image I have of you trying to open your cutlery drawer and them attacking you has made me giggle 🤭 xx

Good morning @Ruralretreating , happy Wednesday. I hope your good today?
It’s stopped snowing here and it’s turning into slush which I hate and it’s very cold so just turned my heating up.
You can borrow my parents for a few days no problem 😂
Your son is not wrong about village fundraisers being a scam last one we had in my old village coat an arm and a leg 😂The bottle tombola was £3 and you either won a bottle of water or bottle of wine. I didn’t win the wine 😂
I love how honest kids are 😂xx

Thanks @Ruralretreating , I’m definitely going to stay on the phone today until it gets sorted . My son has been at school yesterday and Monday but he said when his dad picks him up he’s having a full 2 weeks off school . I obviously didn’t say to son I wasn’t happy about it as he seems excited and he’s looking forward to going and it’s not his fault but I will let the school know I’m not happy about it xx

Morning @spoonfulofmustard , happy Wednesday. I’m really looking forward to being at home all day today. Going to have some soup and crusty bread for my tea later and sort my crazy box out once I’ve done everything I need to do . Has the snow settles there?xx

no it didnt settle, but it was fun! enjoy your lazy day, you deserve it xx

Good morning my lovely Laura, congratulations on the beginning of a quiet day in your beautiful new home!

Urgh, I hate when snow turns to slush but you have a warm place to snuggle up, good food to eat, crafts to do - sounds perfect!

I’m sorry you have to spend precious time and energy contacting the school again. They do seem very slack but if you follow all the good advice you’ve had here I’m sure you can whip them into shape - you are definitely strong enough, especially when your ‘cub’ is concerned!

I’m so glad THE spoon has a safe place to rest now - really that does capture what I’m sure we all hope for you - a safe resting place after all the awful things you’ve been through. I feel so privileged that you’re sharing it with us 😊🙏🏻💕

Good morning@Imbluedalale you are an early bird today. I've got up to put heating on and bring the cat up while I think about getting up properly. Still no snow here thank god. It's always ends up slushy and I'm at the top of a hill so it scares me when it turns to ice! I'm disappointed in the lack of engagement from school so far. Definitely try and get some answers today. I've got to do the same except my child hasn't been in for weeks due to anxiety due to ND. Honestly don't know what's going to happen as the system is bust. On a lighter note, have a great date spoonies 😁

Hi Laura, thanks for update. Try and get as much information from school as you can if it has been authorised, so when request was made, what reason given, what they intend to do next. - which will depend on answers. I don’t know what process would be but if he’s given incorrect information they at least need to note your concerns. Ask them how they deal with usually if parents separated-do they need consent. They may not but good to know for future. At the least you should request that they inform /consult you before authorising further absence. Good luck! You are strong and a great Mum. Sending strength!

Oh, and keep a note of exactly what school, say even if it’s an email to yourself. If you end up needing legal arrangements around custody of children, may be helpful to have records from the time

Thank you @spoonfulofmustard I hope you have a lovely day too . Big hugs xx

Good morning lovely, thank you for your lovely kind words. I hope you’re ok today and are able to write some more beautiful letters.
Im definitely not venturing outside today going to put my snoodie on and drink lots of tea.
Will definitely try and sort everything out with school today , not going to bet annoyed about it but definitely want to discuss it with them and try and put something in place where I’m always kept informed.
Spoon and me thank you all for helping us to get here . We are both very looking forward to our new future xx

Morning @nornironlady , been up a while as my throat is really playing up today hurts more when I lay down so been sat up and about since 5am. How are you today? Good I hope.
Hope you managed to get up 😂I would have fallen back to sleep.
I hope you manage to get sorted with school too, will be thinking of you. Big hugs xx

Morning @Ruralretreating , thank you so much for all your help and advice. I’ve made a list of what to ask them so thank you 🙏
Thank you for saying I’m a great mum that means so much it really truly does.
I hope you have a lovely day xx

Morning! It’s cold but bright sunshine down here in the southwest.

Good luck with the school today. When you ring, is there an option of getting put through to the attendance officer? I think I’d be making it very clear that you don’t give authorisation for your son to be absent from school and that it is against your wishes. Cover your back in case of any fines.

Remember that you have parental, legal rights. Nothing has been set by a court to deprive you of any rights and responsibilities. You have a home and a taxi ready for your son.

In the extremely unlikely event that the school have authorised it, you could ask them to put in writing their reasons for authorisation. Of course dickhead could have told them any story, but you can correct it.

In this case, you may have to admit defeat as you can only take on so much. In any event you will have alerted the school to his shenanigans.

Like us all, I value education and your son should be in school, with his friends, learning. It’s made me very cross.

@Imbluedalale I always get up as the thought of having to work later isn't too appealing! I'm onto my third cup of builders. We actually did get a little snow last night as I can see some frost here and there. It will likely turn to ice before any sun gets a chance to dry it up so I won't be moving! I'm burying my head for today on the school situation, my sons mental health is great when school is off the agenda so it's hard to go against that and cause anxiety for him. I will get back to them before the end of the week and make a plan to engage with the Education Authority going forward. There's so many kids like him but you are made to feel like it's an individual family issue. So draining.

Morning everyone :).

Good luck with the school today Laura. I've got everything crossed for you. I wonder if because he hasn't actually missed any school yet, their procedures haven't quite kicked in. Even so, the threat of him not attending and your well thought out email should definitely definitely have already got a response from them. But I do hope they'll be much more onto it once he is actually not in school when he should be. Amazing advice as ever from @Apolloneuro 👏. I think keep playing the long game - evidence is building up that his approach to parenting is actively harmful for your son.

Sorry to hear your throat is bad again . Hope you have a lovely relaxed day today.

That's great news that you're going to see your daughter this week, that'll be so lovely for her to see her new home! And although I know you don't want to put her in the middle, she might have info on your son and school.

Thank you all on the snowman! It wasn't a very impressive one (my boss said it looked like a snow penguin 😂)but DD enjoyed it.

@nornironlady so sorry your DC hasn't been in for a few weeks due to anxiety due to ND. That must be so tough for both of you.

My DS is still getting lunch detentions and behaviour points and just being frustrating. Of course, he's a delight for his Dad 🙄. It's hard as he takes punishments a bit like an endurance test - they don't really seem to help at all. He can be so sweet and lots of positives. I just don't know what to do for the best- the more I ask him to do something, the less (or slower) he does it. Sorry that was a bit of a rant and I know it's probably just tween behaviour and nothing compared to what some of you are going through.

@RaspberryBeretxx Rant away, I do plenty of it! I totally know what you mean though, the more pressure you put on them, the more you increase their anxieties. My son has very negative, violent behaviours which we've worked so hard to curtail. He will lift and throw whatever is in his path so we have learned to make sure nothing is in his path. He made it to his bedroom yesterday before he found a gaming disc he could come back and throw at me. I had to hide my smile as a year ago he might have lashed out at me physically so progress is progress. As you can tell, my bar is low 😂

Big hugs @nornironlady and @RaspberryBeretxx rant any time you like.

Ah, definitely progress is progress! And a gaming disc is at least a small object 😀. You're an amazing mum and doing what's best for your son - have his anxieties decreased a little since being at home? I find it so hard not to get really frustrated with mine but sometimes it's just important to drop the rope really I think. I also think it's easy to look at others homes and assume it's all meals round the table, board games and no screen time and that isn't necessarily the case.

Ah, thank you. I'm sure you've seen it all from the other side as a teacher (as well as parenting your DC). It must give you an interesting perspective.

@RaspberryBeretxx My son was in and out of school the past few years. Last year the teacher wasn't at all aware of ND and things went from bad to worse. He's been out pretty much all of this year with the odd few half days in school. He is like a totally different child out of school, a child I never got to know until this year. Much calmer and happier. Home schooling isn't an option because home is his safe place. He would tear up the homework books until I told school we wouldn't be doing work at home as it got too volatile. I do feel so stuck now as we've run out of options as he won't engage with any talk of school. While school have been supportive there has to be an end point where we've tried everything. If the system doesn't change then these kids won't thrive, I want to push that back on the authority. He won't be able to move to high school if he can't manage primary. It's good to get that out sometimes! Grim reading as it is.

Poor boy! Would online schooling and going to a library to do it work for him maybe? I’m a huge proponent of the importance of education but I think traditional schools are now failing many kids, often not through their own fault. I’m not sure the value of what he’d learn there is worth the stress to be honest. He’d probably do better just exploring his own interests at home…