Friends Dad dosent have a shower or bath?

[girlfriend44]

Friends dad is 91, lives in a council flat. There is a bath in place but he's too old to get in the bath and out.
A shower was never put in place. Either the council were never asked or they wouldn't do it. Not sure which.
As a result he only has strip washes. He lives alone for context.
Does anyone find this odd or know anyone else like this?
I did say how can he wash properly like his back etc, she said he was OK and didn't want any help.
Although none of my business, I feel sad an old person is living like this.
I couldn't imagine not being able to shower or bath, and it's not a nice way for an older person to be living in my opinion.
Friend accepts it and dosent outwardly seem to worry.
Can you imagine your parent living like that?
AIBU.

He dosent go out so going to the pool wouldn't be an option.

Sadly My previous neighbour in her early 60’s lived like this. When I moved in, she never had a light on, 100s of flies in all of the windows and drains blocked.garden over grown. House looked derelict.
when I spoke with her she told me her plumbing/electrics hadn’t worked for years. She smelt very unpleasant and just seemed to have quiet rightly lost the will. She told me was a active part of the community, with her husband, but after her husband passed & she became ill and struggled hugely with mobility, life just got too overwhelming
with help I cleared her garden so she could sit outside with her dog & called adult social services. (I spoke with her 1st about it) her adult children didn’t do anything but moan id interfered. Even though she wanted help. Point was she absolutely needed and wanted help, but would do that thing we all do…’oh it’s ok’ so as not to be a burden. She had no heat, broken windows, no plumbing, vermin all sorts. The council unblocked her drains and fixed her electric,they had her family clear the house of so much stuff just so that they could get it habitable. It was truely shocking that theyd let their mum/nan/aunty live alone like that for so long. She seemed a sweet lady, even if she wasn’t.nobody should live that way. Sometimes it needs a stranger to offer a change

Well that makes it fine then.
Thanks for that.

I didn't live in a house with a shower until I was in my 20's. We had a bath a couple of times a week and a strip wash on the other days. Washed my hair over the bath with jugs of water.

Your friend could suggest that he gets one of those baths that are designed for older people that have a door in them. But if he's quite happy, then he probably won't.

It’s not unusual given his age. My Dad, born in 1926 never bathed (although we always had a bath). We only had a shampoo sprayer attached to the bath taps, so I used to kneel in the bath and use it to shower, but my Dad always had a strip wash/wash down.
Don’t feel sorry for him. He’s old, but not pitiful. It’s a choice and he’s entitled to choose his own wash method. He’d probably find a bath or shower very stressful.

All these people asking for social care assessments and aids simply on the basis that you dont approve of someone having a strip wash!

Does he want to shower?

If he's happy, then it's fine.

I’d be a bit concerned as well, but I’m pretty sure the council are obliged to provide suitable bathing facilities for elderly tenants, and I can’t imagine that his family haven’t suggested it to him, so perhaps he has chosen not to get his bathroom adapted for some reason. He might not want the disruption of having builders in his home or perhaps he grew up with no bathroom and just doesn’t see at as a problem. Does he seem to be otherwise well cared for?

I would give social services a call , to do a welfare check. There is alot of help out there, people are unaware, but many are too proud and decline help. The elder population isn't looked after as they should be, l get very angry how they are treated, especially the withdrawal of the winter fuel allowance. Certain day centres have facilities for bathing and much more, obviously nothing is free these days, but worth looking into. Nice to know you are showing concern, when many don't.

There wasn’t any help for my mum with this- no adaptions etc. She couldn’t get in the bath and that was where shower was too. She was offered a bath once a week down at age concern but she hated the idea and preferred to have a full strip wash every day with help. She kept clean but I know what you mean.

My mother who is 87 won't bath or shower. She was in hospital for a few weeks with pneumonia around 18 months ago and obviously they gave her bed baths I suspected but wasn't sure she wasn't washing before this. She said she was having strip washes but I didn't believe her. when she went home she had rehabilitation carers who washed and dressed and undressed her which she resented. So we agreed to stop the carers once she was more capable ad long as she washed. Anyway she's gone back to her old ways not washing refusing help.So I choose my battles and leave her to it. My aunt who lives across the road from my mother is 88 .I was speaking to her son my cousin and he said she's exactly the same kicks off about washing so the carers leave her unwashed. Probably an age thing I'm afraid.

OT assessments are available but a person has to want that and consent. An assessment is carried out but the outcome if that varies county county with cuts. Some authorities signpost other refer for grants which are means tested depending on income and as OP said do not take into account outgoing. Council properties not always adapted either if under occupied and private landlords may not consent. A full body wash is deemed a way to keep clean.

He may be eligible for a Disabled Facilities Grant through his lical council but he would need an OT assessment first to be referred on.
You mentioned it was a council property. If this is the case, rather than a Registered Social Landlord (Housing Association), they have their own budget for disabled facilities and will have a similar process.
Everything is dependent upon need firstly ie OT assesment swiftly followed by budget I'm afraid. Lots of people strip wash and the main reason is inability to get into the bath to bathe or shower or, in your example, no available shower. It's not ideal by any means but definitely not uncommon.

I think there are lots of helpful suggestions for things family can do to help elderly relatives, here but it's really really not the place of a 'concerned friend' of this gentlemans daughter to be getting involved with welfare checks and social services. The man is 91, seemingly happy with how he wants to do things and not a danger to himself. You don't need to mention anything to your friend. You keep your beak out.

We grew up with strip wash and weekly baths.

It's not difficult to wash your back, even without youthful flexibility. I remember that older relatives had bath brushes/ sponge on stick, but we often just used a large flannel and pulled it from side to side.

If you can dry a body part with a towel, you can wash it during a strip wash.

Showers and baths aren't necessarily a safer arrangement, even with all the accommodations.

It would be really offensive to request a welfare check on this basis. Obviously if he might want home adjustments, you could make your friend aware of possibilities, but this is not a case of neglect or suffering.

My Aunty had to have strip washes when she was around 80 because her shower was over the bath and she couldn’t get in or out of the bath. She always looked and smelled clean so I don’t see the problem.

This explains why a lot of elderly people have that musty smell then.

This. People who are frothing about this must be unaware of the Mental Capacity Act (2005)
People have the right to make decisions that other people 'may deem unwise'.

I'll drop the link for the Act HERE

Scrolling down gives you the main points of the Act

It's really common in that age group. I've done care work and probably the majority just requested a basin/ sink wash on a daily basis.

I think most had only ever had a bath and didn't really enjoy the wet room shower it was replaced with. It really depended on the person but most smelled absolutely fine with just a sink wash. My nan was one of this group and tolerated a shower weekly to keep us and the carers happy but would have been perfectly happy without.

Slightly younger clients tended to want a shower as it was something they were used to having regularly.

Someone needs to go to social services and get him assessed for a shower, if he has the money the vat element is exempt if he pays for it himself

Standing under running water really isn't necessary to clean yourself. It's very relaxing if it's what you like. But there's nothing magical about soap and water applied that way!

In general, when we clean things we scrub them directly - we don't stand at a distance spraying water at them.

If the man is clean and happy, interference would be abominable. And it is not impossible to be clean without a shower.

Perhaps not daily no. A weekly bath or shower would suffice if someone is too frail to do so daily.

It isn't just running water though, it is soaking & rinsing all the dirty stuff away that is necessary. Wiping long term just does not suffice. Ask anyone working in a hospital who has looked after someone admitted after long term flannel washes.

I have total sympathy for anyone who has lost the confidence to get in a shower or a bath, the thing is rather than normalising it we all as family should encourage them to access support and practical adaptations to assist.

I'd imagine you have a dishwasher but if not do you just get a dishcloth and wipe plates and cups, not hot running water to soak and rinse?

I'd say that's a matter of degree.

A sponge can squeeze water perfectly effectively. It's not just about wiping. You can rinse effectively with a strip wash too.

People are leaping to assumptions about this man not being clean.

So you'd wash your pots with a sponge, no hot water to soak and rinse required?

I'm not suggesting he is unclean as a criticism more a concern. Welfare issues among the elderly and disabled people should concern us all. There is help available we should support our family to access it

I would rinse my pots with a clean wet dish sponge, in this analogy.

In practice, I have a dishwasher!

I just don't agree with you - people can be clean without showers and baths.

If the man wants a shower, by all means get him advice on funding. Otherwise I'm not seeing a problem to solve here.