Friends Dad dosent have a shower or bath?

[girlfriend44]

Friends dad is 91, lives in a council flat. There is a bath in place but he's too old to get in the bath and out.
A shower was never put in place. Either the council were never asked or they wouldn't do it. Not sure which.
As a result he only has strip washes. He lives alone for context.
Does anyone find this odd or know anyone else like this?
I did say how can he wash properly like his back etc, she said he was OK and didn't want any help.
Although none of my business, I feel sad an old person is living like this.
I couldn't imagine not being able to shower or bath, and it's not a nice way for an older person to be living in my opinion.
Friend accepts it and dosent outwardly seem to worry.
Can you imagine your parent living like that?
AIBU.

I redecorated my flat about 10 years ago and I regret installing a new bath with a shower because I thought that the place would be devalued if there was no bath. I wish I had had a walk-in shower fitted now, it would be easier to wash and more economical with water and electricity.

Strip wash, and the bits you can't reach, oh well.

They're usually the bits that don't really sweat much anyway tbh.

I went for YEARS without an accessible bathroom, and the effort required, and the getting wet and cold (no heating upstairs) also had to be considered.

Didn't wash my (admittedly stupidly long) hair for well over a year, because the position I had to get into to wash it over a basin was incredibly painful.

You may find it horrific to think of not being able to hop in the shower twice a day or luxuriate in a hot bath, but there are plenty of people out there who cannot.

Even with an accessible bathroom, with my disabilities and chronic health issues, I often have days where it is a choice between work and earn a living (from home, no one else is subjected to my stench) or, shower and get clean and then get warm and then go back to bed to recover.

I don't really go out, because to go out I would want a shower first. But to shower first means a good four or five hours to wash, dry and then rest. It's a lot of effort if it's not absolutely vital. It totally rules out early morning appointments.

I am trying to get adult social care out to my Dad, he has no water! He gets big bottles/water containers from either my sister or the pub, and uses that to flush the loo and drink coffee and wash up.

He bathes when she manages to drag him kicking and screaming (pretty much literally) round to hers and stuffs him in her bath, but since she's been recovering (sadly not really, shes now worse than pre surgery) from heart surgery that has gone by the way-side as she's really not well enough.

There is only so hard we can push him (And i can't at all, he won't talk to me on the phone more than a couple of grunts that he's old and tired and then hangs up), if my sister pushes him to try and sort things in person, like tidying up, washing etc... he's just vile to her and then throws her out of the house. He may be 83, but he has the strength of a bloody bull.

So theres a lot of people out there, between the disabled and the elderly, and those living in abject poverty, in poorly maintained homes etc... who are not able to wash properly, or bathe or shower.

It must be a huge effort to wash like this - it's yet again unbelievable that those in need don't have a basic shower and aids to help them in 2024. Those who want to wash this way is of course their decision. It's very sad.

Why does he have no water.
Surely its not been cut off has it ??

Lots of elderly people do this as unfortunately the council can't provide a wet room for everyone in a timely manner.
Also I've found in my experience of working in a council background, lots of elderly worry about the cost of water so they choose to strip wash to save costs.

@girlfriend44 Much more likely that a shower was refused. I live in an HA one bedroom flat and its a bath We were refused a shower as a replacement Pisses me off no end when eco warriors bleat and whine at ppl to use a shower cos it saves water. I remind certain quarters that some ppl only have a bath and middle class activists have no idea how some people have to live!!!

Only on Mumsnet are people concerned over how and when other people wash. Add that to how old somebody looks, and how much people earn 🙄

It was really rude and quite offensive of you to have queried how he washes his back.

Also - back brushes exist. Back brushes & lotion applicators for those with limited mobility are also widely available.

It's also perfectly possible for someone to clean themselves thoroughly all over in a strip wash. All a shower or bath does is put water in continual contact with skin, in themselves they don't clean, the act of washing does and that can be done by someone standing - or sitting - at a sink, or even lying in bed.

I’m so sorry to hear this @Mittens67 . It sounds really tough. I have fingers crossed for you that something will change. It sometimes does.

And how often they hoover, change sheets etc … oh, and wash their bra!

🤣🎯
Are people really that dim that they have to ask ''How do you wash a back?''?

Millions of people all over the world wash from a bucket of water with soap- Have been for thousands of years.

Back brushes are called back brushes -there's a clue in the name.

One of the biggest fears for the elderly is falling. It is so easily done and if you fall you are very likely to break something. The average lifespan of an elderly person breaking their hip is 2 years. A drastic reduction of mobility significantly reduces lifespan. So this is a genuine and justified fear.

Many elderly people do not want to risk slipping in the bathroom whilst having a bath or shower. It is not worth the risk for them. They are able to be perfectly clean with strip washes.

I work in healthcare and this is very common. Some opt for it and others due to problems accessing facilities. Some also have their hair washed by others in between.

My mum is 78. She had a stroke three months ago was in hospital for two weeks came out of hospital and that night fell down the stairs and broke her neck. She's quite weak and her mobility isn't great therefore she's sleeping in the living room on her bed and someone has to sleep on the sofa to keep an eye on her. She's not allowed upstairs as she is at risk of falling again she hasn't had a shower or bath in three months, as it's over the bath shower and even if we got her upstairs, we couldn't get her in the bath so she just has a strip wash at the kitchen sink. We're trying to get a shower put in but we're just going round in circles as we passed from pillar to post, so yes it does happen that people don't have a bath or shower for one reason or another

It isn't odd amongst very elderly people. Even if they have facilities and can shower sometimes they don't. It might be a form of depression. But I should imagine e the council will install a shower of requested.

For centuries people didn’t have baths, showers or running water. They strip washed.
Both my parents were brought up like that and my grandad all his life till he passed away in the mid 1980s.
Doctor said he had the most amazing skin for a man in his late 80s….he washed in buttermilk as that was more freely available than water.

My elderly mum chooses to strip wash even though we had a shower installed a few months ago. Before that she stopped being able to use the bath about ten years ago. I had to insist on the shower being put in as I was worried strip washing would get harder as her mobility decreases. But she still prefers it.
Is there space for a walk in shower, or could he have a wet room? It really depends on how much he values having a shower. A lot of elderly people did not grow up with showers. It was baths or strip washing. So sometimes they can be set in their ways. If he can keep himself clean then that's the main thing. If he needs a carer to bathe I hope he has one?

I was born in the 60's and it was quite common to just have a Sunday bath. Strip wash on the other days. It's perfectly possible to keep clean - top and tail!
I now shower/strip wash on alternative days - unless I've got really sweaty.

DH and I are both late 70s. We have an over bath shower, fortunately we can both still climb in. We have a plastic/rubber? mat that sticks to the bottom of the bath that stops us from slipping. However, we only have one bathroom, and it’s upstairs. If we develop mobility issues, it’ll be a bed in the dining room, a commode and washing at the kitchen sink!

I use our local leisure centre a couple of times a week and shower there too after exercise. Fortunately I’m not too bothered about modesty and will use the communal female showers if there are no private ones free.

@PrincessOfPreschool
Your friend could apply to have adaptations to the property she rents privately. They can install stair lifts, level access showers etc. Disabled Facilities Grants are available for private tenants. You just need to have the landlord's agreement. This obviously could be a problem.
If your friend contacts her local council, the OTs will assess for equipment and property adaptations.

Exactly! I’ve never been down a pit, I still need to wash my back.

Not uncommon - he might need a walk in shower and it be impossible to install due to space issues, or he's on a waiting list or he's said no (a lot of people decline care for various reasons). If his clothes are clean and he's able to strip wash safely that's adequate. Should have a home assessment from OT anyway, might benefit from other adaptations (grab rails, bannisters)

Me, my husband, and teenage daughter live off grid and wash like this daily, we are all clean. My daughter and I have long hair and wash it regularly too. Sadly I have friends who also presume we must be dirty due to not showering but I am not being blind to this, we are all three genuinely very clean.

@MereDintofPandiculation thank you for your sensible posts

My nana is 94 and has only had strip washes for several years. I don’t love it but ultimately it’s her choice - a shower is available but she would struggle to wash her back/etc and is worried about falling. She won’t accept personal care support from her care agency so there’s nothing else that can be done.