Friends Dad dosent have a shower or bath?

[girlfriend44]

Friends dad is 91, lives in a council flat. There is a bath in place but he's too old to get in the bath and out.
A shower was never put in place. Either the council were never asked or they wouldn't do it. Not sure which.
As a result he only has strip washes. He lives alone for context.
Does anyone find this odd or know anyone else like this?
I did say how can he wash properly like his back etc, she said he was OK and didn't want any help.
Although none of my business, I feel sad an old person is living like this.
I couldn't imagine not being able to shower or bath, and it's not a nice way for an older person to be living in my opinion.
Friend accepts it and dosent outwardly seem to worry.
Can you imagine your parent living like that?
AIBU.

Op, have you heard the phrase "the past is a foreign country" it seems apt here! How dirty is his back getting, he's not been down the pit. Different if he has broken skin of course but assuming not then sure he will be fine. It will keep him nimble stretching to get all areas washed,

You don't miss what you have never had usually.

My mum is 83 and can’t get up anymore so the stairs are out of the question. A carer comes to give her a wash but she can’t have a shower or bath either and it does bother me.

This is very common for the elderly. Lots of people only have strip washes even if they DO have the appropriate fixtures and fittings for a bath/shower

@Mittens67 Maybe see if a charity could give you a grant? https://grants-search.turn2us.org.uk/

It's very common for elderly people to do this, I work in adult health and social care and find this is the norm for a lot of people. When they were younger people didn't bathe as much as they do now and to be honest, he probably doesn't get particularly dirty anyway.

Can you not ring the council on his behalf and request for the shower is put in with a seat and adequate flooring so he doesn’t slip that’s what my mum did for my granny!?

I don’t need or want carers. If I had a walk in shower with a seat I could manage myself. Yes I have had an OT assessment which agreed what I need but the grant is as said only available after I pay the first £7k which is never going to happen.
As a retired nurse I worked as a care manager in social services and a community nurse so I know the system having helped numerous people get the help they needed but now I need it myself it simply isn’t there for me.
The irony!

A lot of patients are still discharged with only access to bathing as a bed bath/strip wash

As a social worker in adult social care I know hundreds of people for who this is perfectly normal.

Some own their own homes and don't want to put in a walk in shower/ don't want the upset or the expense. Others live in rented accommodation and don't want to move, or don't want the fuss of he renovation work.

For lots of older adults a strip wash and weekly bath was the norm when they were active, working adults and now they're more sedentary they don't feel the weekly bath is required. If he is happy with the situation and has the mental capacity to make the decision, who are we to say differently?

My elderly mum does this and she has access to a shower and a bath. She’s stubborn.

My friend’s (late) pils were like this. Lived very rurally on a farm. No indoor plumbing apart from kitchen.
in more recent years an inside shower cubicle was installed but afaik rarely used. They were clean and happy (and the fil especially was reluctant to use it) so didn’t feel the need perhaps…
in her later years my friend’s mil lived with her, she was a wonderful lady.
she enjoyed having access to her own full indoor bathroom at that time and I’d have some nice baths. Friend and her dh used their en-suite so mil had basically a private bathroom.

That ^^

It was really common when I worked as a carer, people that haven't had a bath or shower in 10 or 20 years but are perfectly clean

When my granny and then mum were very infirm and ill getting in and out of the bath and using the shower became really risky even with help so I assume this can often be a safer alternative.

I agree that strip washes are fine mostly, but could he maybe visit someone else who has a walk-in shower occasionally and wash at home the rest of the time? That would be much cheaper and easier than getting a disabled shower at home when he's generally happy with a sink wash.

'How dirty is his back getting, he's not been down the pit'

It isn't about dirt. People sweat, then dried sweat smells.

He needs his relatives to be an advocate for him and get proper washing facilities either a shower or a bath lift organised.

My mother would be coming up to 100 if she were still alive. In rural Midlands she didn't have electricity or gas or running water of any sort.

Showers weren't at all common in the 1960s - the best most people had was a shower head with rubber tubes that could be fitted on to the bath taps. So mos people in their late 70s and older would have grown up without showers.

How do you wash your back though out of interest? Soap a wet flannel and scrub your back with it, rinse it out and wipe over your back, repeat till all the soap is off. Long handled brushes or scrubbers are available for those not flexible enough to reach all of their back.

The council did my mums bathroom for her (privately owned), put in a wet room .. made a massive difference. She’s was in her 80s, still wanted to be clean

People sweat, then dried sweat smells. Sedentary elderly don't sweat as much as young active adults.

They do, you don't have to be active to sweat. Infact inactive people can be the sweatiest ime as they are static and there isn't any air circulating.

It isn't easy but I don't think anyone should be accepting strip washes just because thst is what people used to do years ago.

People used to not wash - at all - and they still lived fine. If he’s never had one he doesn’t miss it don’t worry. You’re lucky you live in a world where you have a shower at all. Most of humanity never had one. Most of humanity still never has one. Get a grip.

I wonder if we could bring back some sort of public baths. Like they have in Turkey. Somewhere warm and with all the facilities disabled people need. Must be so many people like PP who would find it useful.

He can have an ot assessment, there are grants available for new bathrooms or aids like a bath seat, would he agree to having carers in

Get your friend to arrange an OT assessment for her Dad. They are fantastic. He may hopefully get a wet room installed.

I've know a few people in my life who never bathe/shower, all older men. None of them did the strip wash thing either, they all had access to washing facilities. It did disgust me, but in all honesty, they didn't smell and they didn't look any dirtier than anyone else.

I suspect a lot of expensive wet room installations never get used.