Friends Dad dosent have a shower or bath?

[girlfriend44]

Friends dad is 91, lives in a council flat. There is a bath in place but he's too old to get in the bath and out.
A shower was never put in place. Either the council were never asked or they wouldn't do it. Not sure which.
As a result he only has strip washes. He lives alone for context.
Does anyone find this odd or know anyone else like this?
I did say how can he wash properly like his back etc, she said he was OK and didn't want any help.
Although none of my business, I feel sad an old person is living like this.
I couldn't imagine not being able to shower or bath, and it's not a nice way for an older person to be living in my opinion.
Friend accepts it and dosent outwardly seem to worry.
Can you imagine your parent living like that?
AIBU.

What is it to you if us half dead fuckers smell slightly because we cannot use a bath or shower we either can't lift ourselves in and out of or it's too dangerous. I live in rented accommodation with a bath, no shower. I have to put a swivelling bath stool in the bath and climb up to that using small mobility steps to even get on it. My husband still has to partially lift me and help me soap up and rinse off with jugs of water. It is still extremely dangerous. If anything happens to him, I'm fucked because, believe it or not, the council don't really give a single shiny fucking shit if I stink or not. They will offer you a grab rail. A fucking grab rail. A piece of shiny metal or plastic to grab, GRAB WITH SOAPY HANDS, in a tiny room, full of hard edges and sharp corners, where you're likely to smash your fucking head in on the bastard thing when your soapy hand skids off it and you plummet forward. A grab rail fixed to a weak plaster wall is not secure, it is a deadly hazard. A grab rail is no more support that the couple of Chinese mass produced cheap screws holding it on the wall.

I am so fucking sorry that imagining how my dying body might smell is offending you so much.

I need to ask the council for assistance is all? It's really easy, so simple. Ask and ye shall be given. Bollocks, is it.

It's quite common for elderly and disabled. If your ever in hospital it's only people who can get out of bed who shower

What do you mean no one should have to wash like this nowadays?

Its my worst nightmare but its perfectly hygenic and my nan washed like this in her kitchen too, but she did actually have a bathroom, I remember visiting and she would still be having a wash in the mornings with lavender soap in the kitchen with a flannel

My mum for years now has not used the bath or shower, she doesnt want to, will probably not ever again I would have thought

Strip washes keep people clean.

My dad is in his 90s and he does the strip wash or whatever it’s called. He can’t get in the bath and has no shower but he absolutely doesn’t smell bad.

He might not want a shower or bath

A lot of elderly or disabled people prefer to strip wash
It's warmer, less exposed, they can sit down and do it at their own pace, it takes less effort, it's not slippery and cold and the risk of falling, it could be the way they've always washed

I worked with people that have been in bed for 10 years so always strip washed/bed bath and they've never smelled because they washed properly

If having a strip wash, how do you rinse all the soap off ? Surely soap would just make skin sore if you could get it all off.

Try and actually use your head for thinking

How sweaty is that small bit of back, that he cant reach, getting given he is probably housebound, moving very slowly, not eating a lot

And how smelly is that very small patch getting, without huge amounts of sweat being produced in it.

And whatever odour he has, is it going to kill someone?

As we get older we give off an odour that soap doesnt get rid of (unless you use quite expensive japanese soap), so we all end up smelling different as we age, even you.

I strip washed for 2 years before applying for an assessment and a Disabled funding grant for a wet room in my owned flat
I'm so grateful and it has been life changing
At 91 though, I'm sure he knows what works best for him, even if it isn't how you would choose to live.

I’m so sorry mittens. I wish I/we could magic you up a lovely bath tub ful of hot sudsy water.

Disabled Facilities grant that should read

Its not uncommon for elderly people for various reasons to strip wash only, eg can't access their shower or bath, and can't have their home adapted.
Doesn't mean he smells.
Some day centres have bathing facilities if he wants to have a shower / bath.

Did you challenge this? I think if you have less than £10k they don’t make you contribute? That said my mum has only had a ramp installed! I still think you should challenge, can someone do it on your behalf? This may look better, surely it’s neglect if you can’t have a shower because you can’t afford the amount they said you could!

You use a wrung out hot flannel or sponge to wipe any excess soap off

Late 70s here, we had a bathroom when I was a child, but I knew plenty of families who didn’t. Many tenements in Scotland had one lavatory per landing, shared between 3+4 households. Ablutions were done at the kitchen sink.

Good question.
You know when you grab hold of your hands behind your back, one over the shoulder and one up from below the waist? I kind of do that, but holding on to either end of a soapy flannel and sort of work it back and forth across my back, and then switch sides. To rinse, just repeat with unsoapy flannel. These days I have both a shower and a bath though, so strip washing is a rare occurance. But when we go to stay with MiL, we all just wash with a flannel.

Nobody should have to wash like this nowadays.
Unless they are happy to do so, in which case it is nobody else's business.

That's awful.
I no longer have a Bath, it was taken out to make way for a shower- {arthritis} -

Haven't had a bath in 7 years- but do DREAM occasionally at night that I'm in a warm deep bath, and how lovely it feels.

Then I wake up! The loveliest bath I had was as child in an old Hotel in France- it had an inbuilt porcelain shelf to sit on, and the warm water came up to my shoulders- Luxury!

I take it you've never worked in care then OP.

Yup! My 91 year old mother has a warm safe modern wetroom with a stable shower seat that she doesn't use. I helped her shower when it was first installed but she has refused to have another one.

She says she's happy strip washing and that she doesn't smell - and in fairness she doesn't. I'm fairly sanguine about it and I'm certainly not going to be forcing a 91 year old under a shower against her will

My Dad died aged 96. In 39 years he didn't have a bath or shower. Strip wash and hair over the sink, he hated anything more!

I think you're being unreasonable. My grandad died 2 years ago but he only ever strip washed even though they had a walk in shower. He had a big loofah stick thing to scrub his back.

A friend of mine used to sit on the edge of her bath with her feet inside the bath tub.
She said that suited her as she could from the top down and from the feet up.
She took pride in being able to manage and was always well presented.
Then some wellmeaning people intervened and had a contraption put in her bath. A kind of seat to lower her in.
She never used the bath again.

Yes referral to Adult social care and they come out and assess and make recommendations one of which would be some accessible washing facilities. Having said that its not that long ago people lived with just strip washes all the time, for your back you just used a longer cloth and washed like you dry with a towel - rub back and forth. Strip wash is not just a hands and face job at all.

Its always tricky with older people in this situation, they are very private about their bodies. The only way I convinced MIL to have help with a bath was if she could wear a very thin nighty while bathing and wash around that. Prior to that she would get in the bath but couldn't get out whilst it was still wet and it was trickier with the shower glass they installed with the shower for her - she still had trouble stepping out, they thought the issue was getting up from sitting to get out but it wasn't at all. They would be better off with the bath out and a shallow shower tray and shower.

Sometimes its better to let them get on with it provided its not causing issues and keep channels of communication open (and help with other things) rather than be ignored by them because you pissed them off pushing to hard on issues.

One of my relatives got stuck in the bath, fell and couldn't get up again, and after that they had no more baths, although they did go to a day centre with a spa tub and go in that occasionally, other than that it was strip washes all the way. Plenty of older people also have to use a commode if they can't get up the stairs to the bathroom in time (or at all). I agree with whoever said the council will help that it will be a grab rail and not much more. Another of my relatives used to bathe with the help of his very elderly wife and the neighbour, no carers at that point.

This is not uncommon and I think if he's got to 91 and isn't distressed by it and doesn't want to contact the council then just let him get on with it. If he can't scrub his back by himself or starts to be unable to wash, he'll probably be unable to shower or bathe independently anyway.

Not sure how access to a bath would help someone scrub their back. But then I never like baths particularly. If you aren't double jointed all you can do either way is douse yourself. And then give a rough dry with a towel. Is that much better than an sink wash?