Friends Dad dosent have a shower or bath?

[girlfriend44]

Friends dad is 91, lives in a council flat. There is a bath in place but he's too old to get in the bath and out.
A shower was never put in place. Either the council were never asked or they wouldn't do it. Not sure which.
As a result he only has strip washes. He lives alone for context.
Does anyone find this odd or know anyone else like this?
I did say how can he wash properly like his back etc, she said he was OK and didn't want any help.
Although none of my business, I feel sad an old person is living like this.
I couldn't imagine not being able to shower or bath, and it's not a nice way for an older person to be living in my opinion.
Friend accepts it and dosent outwardly seem to worry.
Can you imagine your parent living like that?
AIBU.

It's a huge effort to have a bath if you can't lift your feet more than a couple of inches off the floor, and can't get up from a sitting on the floor position. If you've got a bath seat, or a seat in the shower, you'll have bits of you which are wet but not actually under the hot water all the time, and it's a huge effort to get yourself warn again afterwards if you have a low metabolism and can't move around briskly.

The Council will assess needs. If the person is happy strip washing, and their condition was such that they were likely to need residential care or become bedridden within a few months, it would be a waste of public money to install a shower.

All these posts about sink flannel washes being fine as that is what people did for decades are missing the point. We used to handwash clothes too because there wasn't an alternative, there is now and i don't think anyone would suggest handwashing sweaty clothes is as effective as using a washing machine

People need a regular thorough soak, either in a shower or a bath. If they don't have the facilities they need to approach the council, social care , ot, whatever. How do people wash their feet properly?

We have a disabled relative, they had to get a shower installed and we take it in turns or use carers to be available incase they are struggling. Strip washes day to day fine but at least once a week a full body wash including hair, feet, bums etc is necessary.

Surely it's about not imposing your own standards onto someone else?
The law of survival is the ability to adapt - that's why your friend's Dad is ticking along aged 91 OP.

People don't need it unless they want it
What do you think people who can't get out of bed do?!

If you strip wash then you sit on a chair/toilet/stool and use a washing up bowl or bucket for your feet
Or if you're in bed then your feet are washed as a bed bath

My dad's like this. He doesn't like showers, never has done. Always loved a bath, but isn't capable of getting in/out anymore. He has strip washes and doesn't smell. He has a bathtub and walk-in shower at his house, but can't use the bath, and refuses the shower. I couldn't live like that, but horses for courses.

Saw someone in hospital who said they were fine washing at the sink. Their feet were disgusting and basically one shoe shaped mass of skin/no defining features of toes etc

It’s up to him if he wants to strip wash. There would be support if he wanted it such as to put equipment in so he could use the bath or change to a shower but if he is happy then leave him to it.
a lot of this generation strip wash. As long as he is clean, no obvious odour or looking unkempt it wouldn’t be a worry such as neglect. Showering everyday is actually a relatively modern way of life.
we have it with my grandad. Installed a wet room once his mobility was reduced to support him shower. Still chooses to strip wash and maybe once a month will have a shower or if it’s Christmas! It is his choice; he is clean, it is not what we would like but respect it is how he wants to live.

That's not caused by a lack of washing though, that needs a podiatrist and foot care and probably badly fitting shoes haven't helped
Feet are really important but often neglected

I mean half the people on shower threads on here don't wash their feet in the shower anyway

Permanently bed bound people get bed baths. Or hoisted into a bath or a shower. While bed baths are better than nothing obviously, they aren't getting the best standard of hygiene. Ask anyone who has worked in hospital and the aim is to assist someone into a bath or shower occasionally.

People who live independently must source aids and adaptations to assist with maintaining basic hygiene standards and family can support them in this. An occasional strip wash, fine but it shouldn't be the only way someone washes.

Sad, but I can imagine.

Honestly I've worked in domicilary care and most clients over 80 only had a shower once a week because they felt like they have to they just don't like them and don't get dirty enough to need one A good wash everyday is more than enough (extra personal washes if incontinent)IF they are happy with that. I looked after a couple in their 90's that didn't have a shower and they hadn't used the bath for years they were always very clean, the lady had a hairdresser come in to wash and set her hair and the man used to wash it at the sink.

MIL is 97 and lives alone, and has washed like this for about 20 years. She is always immaculately turned out and never smells.

I have wondered about how she reaches her back as she is quite plump, and couldn't reach to put cream on when she had a rash. But maybe she has a sponge on a stick or something - I've never liked to ask, and she is quite happy.

As PPs have said - people washed like this, or far less, years ago. As long as they are happy, healthy and hygienic then it's fine.

Plus she soaks her feet in Epsom salts......😀

My MIL does this. She broke her hip 18 months ago and has not been able to climb into her bath ever since. She doesn't have a shower nor are we able to fit one without needing to rewire the entire house. She has a very bad skin infection on her legs which I suspect isn't helped by her inability to have a bath. She refuses to move to somewhere more suitable (house is also on 3 storeys) and refuses external help with anything, let alone personal hygiene.

Many peoples hygiene standards today are over the top and unnecessary, but necessary to them, I suppose, as they are the standards they've grown up with . He's got to this age ok, leave him to it.

Maybe the council needs contacting to ask to make a wet room.

Strip washing has many advantages - can do half your body at a time (so half today, half tomorrow if you've limited energy), doesn't make the bathroom hot / steamy (good for anybody who has blood pressure that drops when they stand - less risk of being dizzy / falling over), uses less water, doesn't make the floor slippery unless you're careless etc.

Many aids to help someone get into a bath require them to sit nearly naked in an empty bath while it fills / empties - this can feel cold, even if the room is at a good temperature. Not saying they're bad or that there isn't any value in baths for aching elderly muscles, but it's not straightforward. A bath can be very slippery and feel unsafe. Somebody may not want to use one even with equipment to make it easier in a house alone / may not want someone to be in the house just so they can have a bath, preferring the independence of a strip wash.

I wonder though if a local swimming pool might help - do they offer pensioner swimming / exercise sessions? Many will have easy to enter water, accessible changing rooms etc - not the same thing as a bath to wallow in.

Strip washing may be what he's always done in which case it will feel natural and possibly better than a shower. It's certainly better for the skin than soaking and soaping it too often.

He probably doesn't want the disruption.

My DM is 88 and has a strip wash every day. She's afraid of using the shower in case she slips. She's perfectly clean and doesn't smell. She grew up in a house where they shared a tin bath in front of the fire once a week, so learned how to wash thoroughly this way.

Perfectly normal. Even if you have carers they will.mostly only offer a wash down by the basin or with a bowl of water.

The Disabled Facilities Grant financial assessment framework is not decided by the local council, it is applied nationally.

Honestly, in my experience as a HCA the more you try and ‘help’ and mess with elderly people’s lives the more unhappy they become. It doesn’t sound pleasant to me but he is happy, & his not a child so he can make his own choices. No one should be contacting anyone unless it’s him or he asks someone to do so on his behalf.

Thanks for replies. Interesting and obviously more common than I thought.
It's not my parent as said, but I'll mention it to my friend..
I expect she might say leave it as it is but I don't know.... guess shed have to raise it with her mum.