Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Too late now, isn't it?

What is it with men not wanting the snip if they don't want anymore children? You didn't 'get' pregnant like it was an immaculate conception he got you pregnant. It's both of your responsibilities. Another selfish prick 🙄

Focus on yourself and what you want for your family. Definitely a hard decision to make but its ultimately your decision for your mental and physival health. What's done is done now. You could go ahead with a termination and still end up as a single parent so I wouldn't focus so much on that element. You are having to already think as a single mother by his response to you for asking for a vasectomy he's not really working as a team and there is clearly a lack of communication/compromise.

Make sure you have life insurance to help support you if you decide to continue with the pregnancy. I have mine with Polly. All the best x

Exactly.

How do you know at 6 weeks it's a twin pregnancy? Why have you had such an early scan? If this is a genuine post, I've been through a twin pregnancy. They're all high risk, some very high risk depending on the type of twins, and only one of the babies survived. Consider the impact the risks to your health and losing the pregnancy at a late stage would have on your existing children. It would also be far more traumatising than an abortion would be for you.

He's an absolute selfish arsehole, OP.
I know a young man who doesn't want children, nor does his partner and he has had a vasectomy.

Personally, I think 5 children is a vast amount to be wrangling on your own as a single parent.

I couldn't go through with that- My friend has four children {twins} and you need a massive vehicle to ferry everyone around.

It's really expensive.

If you have the finances to buy in a Nanny and a large car for 6 or 7 of you, then go ahead- but many wouldn't.

The relationship is over either way really. Can you cope financially and logistically with 5?

OP I know people whose marriage has survived, those who haven't, sorry I know you're looking for hope but it's so personal.
Regardless of whose 'fault' this, there are 2 objective facts:
a) Life as a single parent with that many children will be hard.
b) the burden of care still primarily falls on the mother, CMS is woeful and you can't make your DH do more.

i'm so sorry op you must feel very torn.

i don't think i could stay with a man who was so disrespectful of me. does your h care about you at all? your body has already been through multiple pregnancies and a termination - and he's just expecting you to use abortion as contraception? and go through all of the emotional and mental weight of it, without caring at all how it affects you?

in your shoes i would terminate because being a single mum to three kids sounds hard enough already. i would also file for divorce. life is far too short to spend it tethered to a selfish man like this.

I don’t know why people are questioning the ultrasound. Loads of women have very early scans for various reasons. Private scans are not that expensive.

OP, either way this relationship is over. Can you manage - financially, practically and emotionally - with twins on top of your existing 3? How will this impact them? I know it’s really hard so I don’t say it lightly. Doesn’t sound like your H is going to be supportive.

Having 5 kids as a single mum wouldn't be fair on any of the children would it? There's 5 existing, potentially 7 kids to consider here - your wants come second to their needs.
Can you afford to raise 7 kids? If not, you can't have more children.

Awful dilemma OP - sounds to me like IF you have this prodedure, you will be forever guilty - you will have your hands full for sure, only you know what you can live with.

Adding to the stop questioning the OPs veracity. I had a scan with BPAS for termination at just over six weeks and they asked me if I'd like to know if it was twins. I said no and proceeded. I suspect that is what has happened with OP.

It's pathetic that a man with FIVE children won't have a vasectomy.

Agree with all of this

The man only has 2, to be fair. But he should still get snipped if he doesn't want more.

I wouldn’t want to be a single mum to 5, especially twins as I have twins myself so I’d have the termination and end the marriage because I think it’s over no matter which decision is made.

How have you found out it’s twins so early on?

Exactly this.

I've got twins.

Why have you had a scan at 6 weeks?

Honestly your choices are basically single parent to five or an abortion. Because even if you continue the pregnancy there is no saying he will stay or be helpful. So you’ve got to make plans for you based on the worst case scenario.

can you afford to look after and raise five children? Single or even in a couple. Seven if his two are also actually children as a couple.

You’d need a bigger car, bigger house or be very cramped, nursery fee’s. Holidays would be extremely expensive. Single you’d never be able to take all the children swimming without an extra adult untill much older a joy of holidays normally.

No extra universal credit if your in the uk as you already have three so only child benefit. If your in a council house you’ll be waiting till likely some children have moved out to be able to get anywhere bigger, if you own well a divorce would take half the equity away. Private rental good luck getting approved for a new let if required especially is single with that many children unless you have a huge income as less people are always more attractive less wear and tear.

Pathetic and a bit 🤢.
When my husband decided he didn't want any children (before I met him), he had a vasectomy at 35. Full stop.

I certainly wouldnt be having twins when there are 5 other children to consider. What can you offer them as a single mother. Ive been in this situation and had an abortion. I decided I couldnt have all those children on top of my DS. It was the right decision.

He didn't use a condom? I'd refuse to have sex with him tbh.

Ditch the husband.
Keep the babies.
Or give birth and put them up for adoption.
Many childless couples would be eager to raise newborns.
The husband is not good for you either way.
All the best OP.

Do you work? Do you have the financial resources to support five children? Where will you live? Can you pay rent or mortgage on a place to house them all?

Well this says it all really. He doesn’t want to have a minor op but happy for you to risk having traumatic procedures! My DH had the snip and back to work in the afternoon. In your shoes I couldn’t look at him with anything but contempt knowing he thinks this is acceptable. Is he as utterly selfish and misogynistic in other areas of your relationship?