Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Read the updates she’s already made a decision and gone ahead with her appointment at the clinic

I hope you are OK, op. You will be but do take care of yourself right now. Please make sure you have no more pregnancies, there are many ways and means.

Good luck.

Aww bless you @Whatslifefor hope you’re feeling ok … be gentle on yourself, it’s your opinion that matters here. Others’ feelings are important but you are the one experiencing the load for all this xx

I think I'd rather feel sad about a 'what if' than deal with raising two more children who have a parent who either doesn't want them, or actively resents them.

Growing up as a child of someone who resented me was pretty horrible, in my case she was actually desperate to have kids, she'd had a boy who was adopted years earlier... and wanted a son. She got two girls and we were never good enough, never the child she gave up. She even admitted this to me in my late teens.

There are also the existing children to consider, I know the theory that 'the love grows with each child' but in practice, the time doesn't, nor does the money. If you also factor in being a single parent that time and money goes down sigificantly and that affects everyone negatively.

I agree with the PP too... much braver to go with your head than your heart here.

Take good care of yourself op. You did what was right for you but take time to process it.
Hugs

Sending you massive hugs OP 💐❤
Please don’t be hard on yourself.

We’re all here for you if you need to chat.

Look after yourself, OP x

Have you made a decision yet OP?

She had the abortion today.

@Gonegirl7 I did read the updated

Oo said she was conflicted - that's understandable

She also said she was going to talk to dh again

Yes she has made an appointment to go today

Either way it's a very hard emotional choice for the lady

Hopefully he'll just get the snip now.

Well done for making a really difficult decision. FWIW I think it was the right decision but I understand that you felt/feel conflicted and sad about it too. Please take care of yourself.

And please don't have sex with your husband until he's had a vasectomy! (Even then I think you have to use condoms for a while afterwards before he gets the all clear.)

I think you might have missed an update - she posted again after that comment.

I read her posts. I know she had an abortion. I was just replying to say I understood why she was Conflicted and it was a hard decision to make

Wishing you well for the future.

Will your husband now have a vasectomy? He needs to step up so you are never put in this situation again. I would judge him as a human being and a husband by what he decides about that.

2 because it's the right thing to do and he needs to see that or he isn't the guy you fell for.

Cross posted

I wish you well

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. I am physically recovering just fine after the surgical abortion but mentally I am struggling so much. It didn't help that after the procedure, another lady in the recovery room was crying and shouting "what have I done?". It was quite traumatic and an experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone. No more sex for a (possibly a long) while....time is a healer.

You are so brave and selfless to go through this for your family. What a wonderful woman you are. Wishing you a swift recovery x

Also, your husband needs a vasectomy pronto. This is on him.

Ugh. In my opinion it's over either way then

OP this must be so hard.

Please consider to look for therapy, I do think it will really help you to process this.
Mind yourself x

Well done for making a brave decision (either would have been a brave decision but well done for being decisive in the way you feel is best for your family). I'd definitely speak to DH about getting a vasectomy given how hard this has been for you - if he refuses to consider it that is very selfish given all you've been through. Do get yourself some counselling, and hug your kids close. Good luck.

I think it's natural for the initial response for unplanned Pg to have an abortion nobody plans to have twins and yes you can find out as early as 5 weeks what type of birth is to be expected don't put to much pressure on your partner it's a lot to take in we automatically become intune with our babies because we are carrying them for men it's a lot different. I'm also a mother of 3 boys and currently carrying 13week old twins I'm petrified to say the least but I will make it work you'd be surprised how strong you are and god will never give you more than what you can bare. Be brave and embrace this moment of life. In regards to finance you will get a grant for The twins and gov will cover one of the two babies under special measures. I've tortured myself day in and out thinking of how bad it will be if I'm on my own don't let fear out weigh the beauty of the situation it's scary but the unknown always is try to be strong

I'm sorry I should of read the whole post please accept my apologies x