Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Can you tell at 6 weeks that it's twins?

Similar happened to a friend.
They already had 4 DC when she became pregnant with twins. She wanted to abort her (now ex] DH wanted the pregnancy to continue, he would step up etc etc.
By the time the twins were 2 he’d left and she was on her own with 6 children.

you made it clear he needs to do his bit....

not sure what you did but you need to take some responsibility here and it's you that's now left with the consequence of leaving it up to him.
It should be a joint responsibility or no sex

Why are you having unprotected sex op?

I can't see how bringing twins into the world with a father who resents them is a good plan for anyone.

It takes two to get pregnant. Sounds harsh but you've brought this on yourself! You knew his views and you went ahead and had sex at a fertile time anyway. Take responsibility. One abortion down and you're already looking at another one?!

The sensible decision would be an abortion, focusing on your existing children and sorting out decent contraception going forward.

Everyone onto the husband saying why can't he just have a vasectomy - well, why can't you get sterilised? Works both ways surely!

I get it - vasectomy, quick easy but back of his head, is he thinking I could have a child with someone else? For her, major operation, but you sound like deep down you do want more kids.

Neither of you are being honest. That's the main problem.

I'm quite anti abortion but at 6 weeks it's basically a missed period , not really buying you would even know it's twins at that stage!!!!

So you were on no birth control, knew he wasn't wearing a condom and are shocked you are pregnant?

Did I get that right?

Also agree with another poster, be prepared to be a single mum if you choose to continue.

You can tell that it's twins at six weeks as much as you can tell in any pregnancy - two yolk sacs, possibly a fetal pole, maybe a heartbeat for some but not everyone.

I would definitely keep the babies whatever else you do.

Someone is going to resent someone whatever happens and I would say it’s much better to be the one resented than doing the resenting.

Even if it ends the relationship, if YOU want the babies, you have them. I am pro choice but it should be your choice, not someone else’s. It’s all very easy to say “have an abortion” when it’s not your body going through it - either the abortion or the pregnancy.

I often think our biology often has us bonding with the idea of the baby(ies) early in the pregnancy so that we are prepared- obviously we didn’t evolve with our bodies knowing that termination would ever be an option! So another good reason why it’s the woman’s choice alone.

You can deal with any psychological impact of an abortion by way of counselling etc. What you CANNOT do is conjure up the money, physical space and mental capacity to deal with 5 small children on your own. You must think practically here for your and your children’s sake

Ah I see, I was only surprised as I don’t know anyone who has actually been able to access a scan that early if they weren’t having complications as its normally 12ish weeks isn’t it.

Multiple online sources suggest that you can indeed detect twins at 6 weeks.

However, a singleton pregnancy would leave OP with 4 kids rather than 5, and that is probably not going to be a huge improvement for her situation.

Totally your choice not his. But becoming a single parent (he won't stay) to five children will also severely impact the lives of your older three children and unless your are super wealthy you will all live poverty.

I hate so many of the revolting men I read about on here.

I would have a 12 yr old if I hadn't gone through with it and I still regret it to this day

It has to be your decision, you have to live with yourself afterwards

I agree with others that the priority needs to be to consider your children - and primarily your existing ones.

Going ahead with a pregnancy that will adversely impact them (and having 5 children including twins, even in a 2 parent family is a lot) is very selfish.

Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? He doesn’t want a vasectomy, doesn’t give a shit about you, and thinks you can just go and have an abortion like it’s some trivial thing if he messes up with the condom.

His attitude should tell you everything. Get rid of him, then make your decision about having an abortion or not based on what you want.

Do you have any other family support?

I do agree you should consider your existing children in your decision - just want to qualify the above by saying that! But also don’t want you to be dictated to by a “man”.

That would mean the end of the relationship for me. What a selfish fxxk not to have a vasectomy
I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

The OP had unprotected sex. She has not indicated anyone forced her to.
Yes DH has a crap attitude but so does she

Your husband sounds like a twat, he won't have a vasectomy yet he's OK with you terminating a few pregnancies? If I was you I would be preparing to be a single mum, it sounds like you don't really want an abortion

I think you need to decide if you want to be a single mother of 3 or a single mother of 5.
Either way he sounds like an uncaring and someone you should reconsider being with.

Either way you choose you shouldn't hold guilt as that will just torment yourself!

You're probably right that this is the end of the relationship either way.

The most important thing to consider is your existing children. What impact would all this have? Your husband moving out and probably never seeing him and his children again, moving house (?), suddenly having very little of your attention, finances stretched when you're on maternity leave and then having to pay for double childcare, etc.

If you’re not on birth control did you take any other precautions? How many abortions have you had?
You either have the baby and risk being a single mum to 5 (could you cope)? Or abort the baby and possibly end up resenting DH if it’s not what you want which will make an unhappy home for you all.

He is a selfish pig! He wont have a vastectomy but wants you to go through the anguish and physical pain and risk of an abortion. I'd give an ultimatum at this point. He gets a vasectomy or no sex and you split.
DON'T have the abortion. And tell him it's him to blame for getting you pregnant, its his sperm, and there will be no more sex after the baby until he gets a vasectomy. Vasectomy or his marriage. That's his choice.