Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Ultimately OP it’s your choice, but you will have to live with the choice you make. I’m not sure what I’d do in your place, but I don’t think I could terminate based on a man’s decision. It takes 2 to make babies.

Keep your babies OP, if he didn't want kids anymore he should have sorted himself out when he had the chance. Two lives to abort over his poor decision making is not it. Plus, marriage is about making a vow to commit for better or worse and if he runs at the first hurdle then he isn't the one and frankly those beautiful babies don't deserve him and he doesn't deserve you. If he is a good man, he will get over it because it is his kids at the end of the day but if you get rid, I think you will be in a much worse position because you will bear the emotions and pain and every time you see him it will be a reminder. Anyways, I hope everything works out x

Sorry, my last post was not nice, but when I was much younger I’d terminate immediately, but as I get older, I just couldn’t. Not sure that that’ll help you though.

@IdylicDay only if op stays with him

She may leave him and meet someone else

But if got preg twice without meaning to and doesnt want another baby or can use contraception then best bet is sterilisation for her

She knows she can't have any more kids and won't have to go through the decisions she is now having to

Having twins is too much as well.

To all those blaming him solely for two unwanted pregnancies do you know how babies are made

Exactly my point, but they're still on with it. 🙄

It crazy the amount putting all responsibility on him. She consented to unprotected sex there consented to making an unwanted baby he didn't just walk into the bedroom n say now you are pregnant n leave lol

And that’s why a vasectomy won’t help either. It only protects from pregnancy from that one penis. They split she’s back to square one.

Op could have taken the map though if she had already ovulated a bit trickier after the one off no condom knowing she had to have an abortion before but decided not too.

If you as a women 100% don’t want to get pregnant you have to take responsibility as well. Even some vasectomy’s fail, it’s not 100% my lovely friend was feeling shit shit shit. Even joked good job her fellah was snipped had been 15 years so not pregnant… yeah she was. So either it failed or she cheated 😅 either way tho that vasectomy didn’t protect her.

Also maybe a few of those people don’t regret babies should head over to the thread asking about having a second child where a few posters have admitted they would only have one if they could go back in time 🙃

I personally think those posters are just cruel.

Most of the people have said to the OP that it's her choice but have reasoned through the situation, which is what she'll be doing herself. It's what everyone who considers terminating does.

Those posters who are encouraging her to go ahead and have twins as a single parent, assuring her she'll manage, telling her it's two lives and a blessing are just employing emotional blackmail and being irresponsible..

None have offered suggestions of practical support options or even acknowledged that it would be hard work. They don't actually care about the OP, her existing children or any future children. That's the reality.

Ultimately, she will make the decision that is best for her and her family. She's not stupid. She knows the facts and only she can make that decision.

I hope she's OK.

Its him pushing for the abortion?

Thank you all. I appreciate I got myself into this mess and I am also to blame. I have surgical abortion booked for tomorrow yet for whatever reason I am still very conflicted. I think part of the issue is the fact that the moment I heard it's a twin pregnancy I could see 2 babies not 1. The hormones are probably not helping either... My brain says termination is best for all involved (especially my kids) but my heart is aching so much. I just wish I didn't have to choose. Thanks all for the perspective xx

Before you even make the decision I think I'd be telling him to take a hike. He has shown he has little respect for you or what you have endured already and isn't willing to play his part in contraception.
I'm not sure I could get past this! Unless as pp have said he books and attends for his vasectomy!

Accidental pregnancy here. Husband really didn’t want the baby. Very unsupportive during pregnancy but second the baby came the instant love kicked in and he’s been besotted. Nearly 3 now and not missed a beat with him

I think unless you can support all these children alone, you need to prioritize the children that are already here.

I think his behaviour is disgusting and unforgivable. You told him you didn't think you could emotionally cope with another abortion, and yet he still didn't have a vasectomy.

Is this relationship really viable, even if you do have the abortion? Your heart is aching at the thought of this termination. I'm sorry you're in this position but don't rush.

Don't do it if you can't bear it. Your children are old now. Speak to them as well and ask if they will feel impacted by having new babies in the house. Your husband should take responsibility, he is also to blamed. Don't rush and think very carefully before you make that decision. You will feel guilty about it. It's not one but two potential lives.

I doubt OP could bear to be a single mother to five children either.

I’m so sorry OP. It’s heartbreaking to read your posts 💐

I would strongly urge you to not go through with the abortion.

If you have any doubt in your mind please do not go through with it. And I am 100% pro choice. The rest of your life may be resentment and “what ifs”.

Your other half sounds incredibly selfish and manipulative. If he no longer wanted anymore children he should have had a vasectomy immediately. It makes me sick how men refuse to get the snip but expect women to go through the physical and mental side affects of hormonal contraception. & not to mention the expectation of women having abortions as if it’s an emotionless and smooth procedure. It makes my blood boil.

If you feel like you can financially support 5 children as a single parent (as I would be leaving this sorry man’s arse asap) please do not go through with the abortion.

I’m sure there will be many women online in the morning when you wake up if you need to chat to anyone.

Wishing you all the best and sending strength to you for whatever happens going forwards.

I think that you are in an awful position. Supporting 5 children including twins on your own would be incredibly difficult. You would, not to put too fine a point on it, be plunged into poverty on your own. Any little luxuries your current children have like clubs or swimming or holidays would be curtailed. I assume child support would be almost nothing given he has another two children.

If he really didn't want more children he should have taken precautions or had a vasectomy given his wife's difficulties with contraception. He obviously did neither even after you endured one abortion but, right now, that's not the main point. I looked after children on my own when my husband was working offshore and it was grim. I didn't have five of them including twins which would have been immeasurably harder and my husband was returning.

You should have a termination for your own sake and the sake of your current children and then have a really long hard look at the man you married. I am guessing that he is not proposing to be celibate or volunteering to have a vasectomy after this. He just expects you to keep having abortions. Honestly, in this situation my girly bits would just be hermetically sealing themselves at the thought of sex with him ever again.

I am so sorry to read your latest post. I am totally pro choice and this absolutely is your decision. I am just aware that this is a very early pregnancy and because of this you do have a little more time to decide if you’re unsure that you want to / should terminate, because this is a decision, which you know will impact on your mental health long term and because you shouldn’t feel rushed or push yourself when you’re not truly ready. Idk how you’re feeling this morning. I hope you find the strength to get through the day.

OP you sound like you need to grow up I'm sorry!
You have 3 kids already. You had an abottion which upset you. You can't use most birth control. You had unprotected sex. Now pg with twins. The dad sounds useless and selfish.
You need to focus on your 3 kids. Unless you're loaded with loads of staff/family to help and your 3 existing kids are virtually adults you won't have time and money for 2 more kids and you'll be making life very hard for you and 5 kids. Assume the guy will leave you- sorry.

Sorry rest of thread just loaded! You sound realistic and sensible - good luck tomorrow

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think you are doing the right thing though as 5 children would be very difficult alone.
What a rat bag your 'd' h is. Please get contraception too.