Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

Better to regret an abortion than have children who are resented and hated and possibly ignored by their siblings for being the catalyst to a separation.

Better to have an abortion than be left scraping for beans on toast at the end of every month.

Better to have an abortion than be tied to a knob head partner.

Better to have an abortion than resent your own children because they “ruined your life”.

Better to use your head logically rather than make decisions emotionally. Also less likely to need an abortion at that point too.

The option is for her husband to have a vasectomy. Far less riskier, and time for him to do his part.

Quite.

I’ve never had an abortion. Never needed to. I’ve had miscarriages though and still believe that logic should overrule emotion in these cases.

No it isn’t. Sperm being “inserted into her” will not inevitably make her pregnant. Or women would get pregnant every time they had unprotected sexual intercourse. A man’s sperm can only fertilise an egg if ovulation has occurred.

If a man ejaculates inside a woman but she has not ovulated (or does not ovulate within the time the spent can remain alive within her genital tract), she will not become pregnant, So yes, if he does not ejaculate sperm inside her, a woman cannot become pregnant simply by ovulating. But sperm cannot fertilise an egg without the woman ovulating/at the wrong time of the cycle. Takes two to get pregnant, both have to play their part. Both equally responsible.

That's how I see it too.

So you had a termination, but then had sex without protection even though the termination had a significant impact on you? Sure, he should also be proactive in the contraceptive stakes, but so should you. You can’t argue that you don’t manage well with contraceptives then complain when you end up pregnant.
Having body autonomy means being responsible about your own body! FWIW, I would not continue with the pregnancy in your situation, no matter how hard it would be to terminate. The impact of twins on your three children will be massive, emotionally, physically and financially. Twin pregnancies are much more high risk - who would look after your dc if you went into early Labour? Needed a C Section? Had a Orem delivery and needed to spend weeks in hop]spital?

Do you know who these women are? Have you spoken to them personally or are you just using some kind of emotive rhetoric pedalled by pro life activists?

If you think the marriage is over either way, the question really is whether you’d rather be a single mum to 3 children, or a single mum to 5.

The OP is already overwhelmed - where’s the positive of adding two further children into what is likely to be a single parent household. Who is going to help and support them?

Not better for the children with a parent who regrets having them.

I find it pretty disgusting how many people on here seem to think abortion is only unacceptable here because it’s twins.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m pro-choice. But some of you seem to be “pro-choice if it’s 1, pro-life if it’s more than 1”.

That’s hypocritical and vile.

Or they simply disagree with you.

I’ve not had an abortion but I have twins and it’s hard enough going into it in good circumstances. As a possible single mother with 3 children already? Very rarely a good idea.

Interesting use of the word “shrieking”, reminds me of a misogynist. Surprised you didn’t call us “hysterical”.

I am infertile and I still believe the right to a termination is absolutely sacred for women. Pro lifers don’t care about the humans once they’re born.

If he doesn't want more DC then he needs a vasectomy. By having sex without this he clearly risks more pregnancies. Even if you aborted your twins, he'd just get you pregnant again. Do you think you can manage 5 on your own? I know plenty do and if he left he'd have to pay maintenance fee or 5 DC. Twins are special, a double blessing.

Pro lifers don’t care about the humans once they’re born.

That's the bottom line always isn't it?

Stuff the existing kids, the women and the babies in realty.

Preserve the rhetoric at all costs.

I'd say this too. Your DH sounds like a selfish idiot.

Yes don’t see them putting their hands in their pockets to fund these extra babies. Just shouting that all babies should be born.

Twins are exhausting, hard work and expensive.

Have you had confirmation it's twins op? Is this considered a risky pregnancy?

Sorry ignore this. Spotted you had an early scan

Takes two people to make a baby and takes two people to prevent a baby not just him you both agreed no more kids then you both tried for more kids neither using contraception would suggest this so you are both equally responsible for this mess

Shrieking? Nah. I don't regret my abortion, or 'snuffing out' as you put it, one little bit, and have zero guilt for not bringing a child into a situation that wasn't right. And if I were to accidentally fall pregnant tomorrow (although, is it an accident when you knowingly have unprotected sex?) I would have one again. I have 3 fabulous children, another would throw our dynamic and situation out of whack and I don't want that. In the OPs situation I may feel sad about it, as she clearly feels different about larger families, blended families etc etc, but I would do it anyway and then move on.

And either end my relationship, sort out long term contraception one way or another, or abstain from sex as the current situation is ridiculous.

Tell him you will consider termination after his HAD a vasectomy. Until then he knew the risks and was happy to take them when there was nothing that impacted his body or mental health. My husband did not want another child and I openly made it clear I would be happy with another. So he got a 12 month warning I was coming off the pill due to nhs wait times. He got himself booked on very quickly. I didn't want another given our youngest is ND and a handful but I knew it was the only way to get him to do something after 12 years of me being the responsible one.