Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

OP don't do it.
I am also pro choice but if this case it's very clear you don't want to do it. You won't be able to forget this.
You can manage this, your children are now independent are you are financially secure.
Relationships might work or not work. We love our children forever. ❤️

Thank you all. This thread has been my only safe space. Part of me is worried about what my friends will think of me having 2 babies on top of 3!! Not a good reason to terminate the pregnancy. When I think about the termination I am just over overwhelmed with sadness...

I think you need to ask yourself, am I sad about terminating, or do I actively want 5 children, potentially alone? Nobody is thrilled about having an abortion, but you should be thrilled about having 2 babies if that is what you choose.

As s friend I would think you are brave.
I have a friend who had a baby at 45, unplanned. She had a baby boy who is the happiest baby in the world and we all loved him as we all past that baby stage long ago. We share memories of our own babies with her. We love helping her out at the weekend.

Do what is right for you. Everything else doesn't matter.

I think risks go up substantially with twins and the older you are. I have twins who are fine now but years of hospital visits/ croup/ steroids they were technically term for that type of twin but premature for a singleton, they just seemed to get harder by every bug and get properly ill. I’d genuinely consider what you’d do financially if you found yourself unable to work.

That's exactly the worry, plus I am 39 so not in my prime

So sorry you are in this predicament, sending hugs for whatever you decide

I really worry for you, OP, because you seem so conflicted. Big hugs. xxx

I think this js a very good point. Nobody really wants an abortion. Nobody is happy about it and everyone feels conflicted to seem degree.

But you need to actively want the alternative.

Do you know what type of twins they are, OP? Some come with more risks than others.

Sorry to be so insensitive I don't know how to put this, but sometimes both twins don't make it. At your age would this be a factor? If this sadly became just one would that make a difference to your decisions.

I lost a baby at 27 yo, due to preeclampsia at 8 months pregnant, so that was another deciding factor. I went on to have 2 perfectly healthy babies after that but the trauma is still here. I don't know which twins they are but it doesn't matter it's all done now and there is no going back now. My risks are higher given its twins, past medical history plus my age now...I can't quantify this but I am not sure I am brave to take such risks and potentially leave 3 kids behind, yes, they are older but they still need me. I am having more counselling going forward. Husband was supportive, dropped me to the centre and offered to walk out from today's appointment if I found it too much...yet here I am, no one forced me into my decision, but I think it's the best for my family. Thank you all once again. I am sure I will be fine.

Trust your own gut OP
I hope whatever you decide / have decided doesn’t cause regrets because it sounds like you’ve thought a lot about what you need and that matters above any one else’s opinion even DH. 💐

@Whatslifefor massive massive squishes. Definitely continue with counselling and I hope you find peace within yourself. And more squishes. x

Hugs OP. It sounds like a tough but sensible decision

I think after going through this trauma op, the way he can truly demonstrate his ‘support’ for you is by being a big brave boy and getting a sodding vasectomy. It’s a super quick day procedure. Nothing compared to what you’re going through.

How do you even know it's twins if you're only 6 weeks in? Presumably no scan yet, since doctors won't usually see you until at least seven weeks and you're a bit too early to scan anyway.

If your health problems are so severe the pregnancy was discovered during scan for something else I think your chances of a healthy pregnancy also need to be taken into account while making your decision.

Thinking of you @Whatslifefor

Given everything you’ve said about your children and your health, I think you made the right decision for you all. It was really brave x

If it was one baby would you still be conflicted ?

You had an abortion before as didn't want /couldn't cope with a 4th

Now you are thinking of bringing up a 4th and 5th into the family - 2 newborns

I get abortion is a very hard decision and I feel for you lots

But another poster was very accurate

Conflicted about having an abortion but equally do you really want 2 babies

Hugs to you OP, look after yourself and be kind to yourself x

Think some posters need to read the updates…

Hope you are ok @Whatslifefor It is such a hard decision to make but it sounds like, in time, you will feel it was the right one. But right now I imagine you'll just feel sadness. Give yourself time💐

Your husband needs to now step up with regards to preventing you going through this ever again, but that's for a later date when you are feeling up to it.

Just want to say thinking of you OP. Hope you are doing ok.

Shes literally answered this and gone ahead with the termination. Read the updates!

I think it's far braver to go with your head and not heart on these decisions.