Pregnant with twin, husband wants an abortion but I don't

[Whatslifefor]

I have 3 kids from previous relationship, husband has 2 (who don't live with us). We decided we don't want to have more kids, but now I am pregnant I am not sure I want to go through with termination (the last one left me feeling traumatised and guilty). My options at the moment:

1- terminate the pregnancy and resent my husband for it (especially since it's a twin pregnancy)

2- continue with the pregnancy and my husband will resent me for it, or worse leave me and I end up a single mum to 5 kids

So currently, the way I see it, both my options suck for one of us (obviously as a woman I am in more of a disadvantage). Any one was in a similar situation and their marriage survived either decision?

OP please don't do it, you'll spend the rest of your life with regret and come to resent your husband for what he's made you do...you'll be the one carrying the heartbreak 💔 of looking at one twin knowing there should be another. Regarding dh, either way, the marriage is over... please save your babies a

Just as the op has autonomy over her own body, so does her dh and should not be coerced into a surgical procedure. Contraception is on her as much as her dh.The pair of them sound utterly feckless.
Op can you really cope with twin babies on your own with 3 other children?

Hey OP.

I’m pro-choice so no judgement if you go ahead but it doesn’t sound as if you’re sure that’s what you really want.

You say you can’t be a single mum to 5 kids, but you also say that one is about to go off to uni so it sounds as if your DC are older and fairly self-sufficient? Would the burden really be as great as you think?

I fell pregnant with twins accidentally and went for a termination as I had split with the father and didn’t think I could go it alone.

I couldn’t go through with the termination when it came to it. I didn’t know how I would manage as I had a demanding job, long hours, and no family nearby and my ex had vanished. I just knew in my heart that a termination wasn’t right for me.

That was 15 years ago and every day I’m grateful that I didn’t go through with the termination. It all worked out, one way or another. I have a beautiful son and daughter.

I was so conflicted about what to do and torn between my head and heart. I really do understand how it feels and I don’t know why, but it does feel different when you hear it’s twins!

I’m not trying to persuade you, honestly. A termination is a perfectly valid choice. But please, don’t feel pushed into it or as if you have no other choice. It sounds as if you’re in a strong position financially - don’t have a termination out of fear you won’t cope. Only have one if it’s certain that’s what you want or otherwise you could end up really affected by the decision.

Big hugs whatever you decide x

feeling conflicted is a huge sign not to go through with it

I don't know anyone else who had a termination that didn't have some kind of difficulty with the decision. It's hard. You will feel conflicted. I think that's normal.
But you've sat down and made the decision for sound reasons and I really hope you are getting some support through this.
Hugs OP

My husband of nearly 20 years left when my twins were born. Honestly I'd rather than the twins over him any day

Don't do it. I'm all for women's choice, but it sounds like you don't want to terminate and this would mess you up. If you are very conflicted then don't go through with it. Only have an abortion if you absolutely want one. Your husband should've had a vasectomy. Did he use condoms?

This.... Do what's right for you op...
Thinking of you

Yes my boys are older, and very self sufficient. Youngest will be almost 10 by due date, so not quite the same as running around after 5 younger kids. Thanks for the hand hold everyone. I am also worried about potential complications for me/babies given its twins. That's the main deciding factor not so much the finances, I saw a consultant last week and she reassured me it can all be managed and that I will be looked after closely given it's a twin pregnancy...2 hrs to go until the appointment and still torn....

I was hoping the consultant will just tell me that what I am doing is stupid and that it will absolutely endanger my life and make my decision easier...

i think a lot of the replies on here are based on the assumption that your other children are very young and that you are struggling financially. You don’t really sound like you are committed to having the procedure. Is there any option to delay while you think this through? Twins are very very hard work and the toll on your body from the pregnancy is extremely difficult and termination may well be the best choice for you, but as PP say, you don’t sound completely convinced. I hope whatever you decide it goes as well as possible.

How old are you OP? I was 34 when I had my twins. Other than sickness, I was fit and healthy throughout the whole pregnancy. It's quite useful with multiples as they keep a really close eye on you during pregnancy - I got a lot more care than a standard single pregnancy, consultant-led care as well as the usual midwife care.

I would be surprised if any consultant will categorically tell you that you're doing the wrong thing. But a good consultant should be able to see that you're not sure and might suggest you hold fire. Please do be honest about how you feel.

I was lucky as I saw a good consultant and she could tell by the questions that I was asking that I had doubts so she sent me away to think about it.

As I said above, I'm absolutely not judging you or trying to persuade you either way. I am just so concerned that you're being bulldozed into this and that you'll have regrets. How far along are you - could you postpone today and get some urgent counselling? The termination clinic sent me in to talk to the counsellor first and it was talking things through with her that made me realise I didn't want to do it. Talking to a counsellor might have the opposite effect, but either way it could clear your mind. Do you have time to take a couple of weeks?

But was it baby 4&5?

No

So very different

She has 3 other children to think about

Twins are hard work. Lots of Fun but it's not one baby and literally double the stress and cost

I did think about finances too, the main issue will be childcare costs but it seems from Sep 2025, babies over 9 months will get 30 hrs gov funding for full time parents. I know you still need to top it up, but that will ease a lot of pressure....

It's a hard decision and can understand the conflict @Whatslifefor

You have made the right choice for your other 3 and yourself 💐💐

Oh love. You're not sounding like someone who wants to go through with a termination.

Have you spoken to your DH this morning about your conflicting feelings?

Not yet, but we spoke endlessly about the topic the last few days... getting little one ready for school then will discuss with him.

You will make the right decision for you op. And if you don't have a termination today it doesn't mean it's out of the question forever. Maybe you just need a bit more time.

I agree with this OP.

It might be that a termination is still the right decision for you, but from what you've said here, it doesn't feel as if you've actually decided for certain. If that's the case, it might be better for you to give it more time and maybe speak to someone objective (like a counsellor) to try and figure out how you're feeling.

The termination clinic might be able to give you an appointment with a counsellor on site - that's what I was offered. She was totally neutral but it gave me space to think. It sounds as if that's what you need to make a decision that you're happy with one way or another.

OP I am very very pro-choice. But its more than obvious you are not prepared for having this termination. It sounds like you are looking for an excuse not to go through with it, OP. Listen to that. It's your gut instinct. We have that gut instinct for a reason. You know this is not the right choice for you. You know deep down you don't want to do it.

I had counselling on Fri actually. Talking things out loud helped me articulate all the fears, and there are many negatives for us as a family (even if I take husband out of the equation) but to be honest my heart is elsewhere...I want to give this pregnancy a chance, but what I am worried about the most is if I end up with disabled children to look after (due to complications or preterm birth?) probably a small likelihood....

@Whatslifefor it doesn’t sound like you’re meant to have this abortion, because it doesn’t sound like you want this in your heart of hearts.

Remember that you don’t have to do this. The babies could come out and be perfectly healthy.

If you don’t do it , I reckon you’ll be relieved

In have twins. Know lots of twin mums. Very very few have twins with health complications as a result of pre term birth

There’s a risk with any baby. But when you’re carrying twins you get more frequent scans and consultant led care. They can spot many of the more significant disabilities - and the risk is still small.

Would another counselling session help? I found that I was scared of failing which ultimately wasn’t a good enough reason for me to terminate.

I had lots of reasons to go ahead with the termination - including other reasons I haven’t described here (to do with untested genetics). But ultimately emotions aren’t always logical - and if you feel that you might want these babies, no amount of reasoning will make that feeling go away. And if you do feel that way, it’s going to be hard for you to come to terms with that after.

When I was trying to decide whether to have a termination, I lay on my sofa, closed my eyes, and tried to imagine having an empty womb. I had an instinctive reaction to that exercise which was overwhelming sadness. It was useful for me and told me what I needed to know. I know others who have done the same exercise and felt relief, which meant a termination was right for them. Maybe try to find a quiet space and give it a go - you might find your own answer.

Keep talking here if it helps but don’t feel as if you have to. Some of us have different opinions but we all just want you to do what’s right for you 💐

I don't know if you'll see this but it really sounds like you don't want the abortion. Don't have it! You even said you want to give it a chance.