Honest opinions ... is a UK 14/16 seen as unattractive for dating as a 50 year old?

[lemonepisode1]

I'm online dating for a while. My face is decent and I'd consider myself relatively attractive in the looks stakes but it is my body that men seem to dislike.
As above , I'm that size, 5'7', proportioned except for a wide , flabby meno belly.Im 2.5stone overweight on the scales.
I weight train and walk and run over the week.. so I exercise every day. Look after my appearance/ clothes/ grooming etc but I really believe it's my body that turns them off .
Honestly, especially to men on here, is that size and body type unattractive to you on a woman who is 50?
What are your experiences and more so, what do you find attractive out of interest ?
Thanks.
Lemon

To be fair it does say find attractive rather than would like to be in a serious relationship with - 2 very different things

Due to vanity sizing U.K. size 6 now is the old size 10 so no, there are loads.

OP - 60% of British men are overweight or obese so they’re not likely to be in a position to criticise.

Equally when middle aged men start online dating they soon realise that many if not most young women have upper age limits set so they don’t get hit on by sad middle-aged men.

Though in some apps they still message you even if they’re way above your upper age limit.
I had my age criteria set as 50-63 but I’ve had messages from men in the 20’s and30’s right up to nearly 80.

God loves a trier but it’s bloody annoying for women.

Lemon, your physical attributes are of secondary importance, what matters is how you are with people. For me, a male, I have no 'type' but prize the abilty to get on well with someone. For me this is more important than physical attributes. Sexual attraction is a bonus, but compatibility is much much more durable quality. A great looking partner is of little use if you are not so great together the rest of the time. Try not to put yourself down and assume you are not attractive to men; look around you and see that women like you are more than acceptable to me. Confidence, ma'am!

Why did your size 6 wife who's much younger than you encourage you to post on the thread of a woman who is 50, a size 14, having a hard time on old, and wondering if it's her size or age etc

She didn’t encourage me. My reason for posting has already been covered.

Your wife knew you were going to say you prefer "slimmer" women (size 6 is not slimmer btw) and she presumably knew you'd say you wouldn't go out with her if you were single. She knows this because she's a size 6 and your type, and I'm sure you've discussed your preferences with her.

So now I'm wondering what the motivation of both you and your wife was when posting on a woman's thread only to say "I might possibly be attracted but I would not date you. I prefer slimmer women, my wife is a size 6".

My wife didn’t post, I did. It wasn’t a joint effort. My motivation was to answer the OP’s question. Honestly, as requested. The assumption being that the OP wouldn’t have asked for honest opinions if she didn’t think they would be helpful.

Also did neither of you think the fact that you're a couple with a big age gap & the female half is 4 sizes below average for the UK; might be irrelevant or unhelpful for a woman whio is average size for the UK, and who'd like to date around her age?

Again, it wasn’t a joint effort. My wife’s size is relevant as it explains why I responded to to the OP as I did. The OP didn’t state that she wanted to date around her own age.

I wonder if the wife is from Thailand as women tend to be petite in Asia

”The wife” is from Yorkshire.

Good guy. And very true.
I know a very large lady at work. She's got bags of personality, is warm and friendly. Loads of guys want her company. Not short of male attention.
Men lust after babes.
But they want nice people they get on with and who are kind and reliable and share interests with. They just human beings like rest of us.
That's my take on it anyway.

To play devils advocate. I worked with someone who claimed she was a 16 and she was bursting out her clothes she was more a 22/24. I know some people wear clothing way to small and unflattering on them. So are you wearing a loose fitted 14/16 or very tight fit.

It depends what your looking for. It might bw the type your trying to attract also.

I think we all have an issue with it. But really hope you and your tiny young wife are happy and great she reads mumsnet brining threads to your attention.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

S’ok, we know you don’t have a wife, or indeed know any women. Why would a wife encourage a man to sign up to a forum to post on this thread? It’s palpable nonsense.

From reading this one and other threads, seeing the hatred towards women, it doesn’t take much to work out, there are many men on MN, also some women supporting this.

I think as others have said, it's more to do with age.

I want to date men, say from 5 years younger than me, to 5 years older.

Appears I have no chance, men around my age are looking for much younger women, maybe in their 20's with a cut off point of 40. Yes I've seen so on profiles. don't want to date a 55+ or 60, 70 year old. More women look after themselves in comparison to their male counterparts, I know there are exceptions.

My recently deceased DM was divorced at 45, but happy with a new partner at 50 who was 12 years older. When he died at 70, she had offers but only from men who fancied a cheap fling or those who wanted a maid/cook/bedmate. So she declined all the invitations. Her opinion was that the men who made overtures would have been cocklodgers or passengers. But I also have an auntie who is 20 years older than her lover, and he still seems keen.

I can only speak anecdotally but I know so many attractive, intelligent, outgoing, confident, funny older women who are long term single because there just aren't the quality or quantity of eligible men out there.

Many of my friends have given up ever finding a partner now and just happy with a great female friendship group.

I’m possibly unusual but I’m 55 and I’ve set the filters on my online dating apps to 50 to 60.

But… I’ve got a 12 year old daughter and in a recent thread the general consensus was that I need to set my filters down to say 40 because women my age have generally got grown up children and are looking for a bloke that’s in the same boat.

But I don’t really want to do that because I feel weird about dating someone a lot younger than me.

I’m probably not typical of most blokes though. 😀

I'd even settle for a 'great female friendship group' at the moment😁

In my 40's and the only way I think I'd meet someone now is naturally and not online. Seems impossible for that to happen these days though!

I've just got back from a 25 day back to back cruise. A small handful of Brits and other nationalities, the rest were USA citizens who are typically larger than life in personality and size. The vast majority of the women either had partners or got dates on board. There were newly wed women of all ages and they were all very overweight. Don't get me wrong, the men were mainly overweight too.

So, no I don't think 14/16 is big - it isn't big. I believe size 16 is the average size in the UK. I think men seek younger women because most men our age don't want a relationship ie wife, they want a trophy or a shag.

Keep looking though, you might just find a diamond....

I was a size 16 when I met my second husband at age 51 after being widowed. I'm 74 now and probably more like a UK 18-20 but we've been happily married for 22 years so I guess it didn't put him off.

These things are, to say the least of it, unpredictable. When I was 70 (I'm even older now) I embarked on a relationship with someone over 30 years younger. She was interested in something I am an authority in - nothing to do with sex. We lived together for years and are still very close, though no longer in a relationship. I now see someone who is even younger. We get on very well and have known each other for 8 years.

Obviously women of all ages, shapes and sizes find love.

Does the average woman in her 20s who is size 8 have more options than the average woman in her 50s who is size 16? Yes. But we were all in our 20s once, now it is our time to get old.

My advice would be expand the kind of person you're willing to date: is someone shorter, and has less hair and who looks a bit older than you hoped that bad? What if they tick every other box? Obviously you have to be attracted to them, but attraction can grow over time. Basically, (if you're not doing it already) give yourself a chance to get to know these guys.

Otherwise, you risk doing similar to them. Women often have a list, which is just as harsh, but not based on being a much younger age/small size. E.g. Good job, own home, nice car, tall, adult kids or no kids etc etc etc etc.

All the makeover programs I’ve watched over the years say pretty much the same thing. Men tend to prefer traditionally feminine looking women. That means in at the waist with boobs and a bum I guess. It’s the biological blue print they’ve got in their brains for ‘fertility’ and ‘worth the effort’ in cave man terms. Just dress in a feminine way and accentuate the boobs and legs. Get a feminine hair do, pretty clothes and pretty makeup. It’s a pretty simple message it seems - as men are pretty simple (stupid) creatures. We’ll when it comes to judging what’s ‘attractive’ anyway. Good luck and have fun out there.

Hello beautiful Lemon, The short story is that the majority of men are after only a few things and they start with 1) Sex and 2) What they cant have. So, if you really want one then you have to play the part. Once you have them that is another game but to start and get one that is not 20 years older (as many have stated men go for younger women because....well why not, they can). So back to what you have to do. Be sexy. It does NOT matter that you are a little overweight. You are fine. Wear a sexy dress but do not overdo it. Do not seem desperate. Do not treat men like potential friends. He is sizing you up for sex and you have to play this angle from the start. Do not have sex with him the first night. Make him wait. Remember no 2, he wants what he cannot have. Be confident in yourself. Until you are confident in your sexy appeal do not meet them. Too many turn downs might affect your confidence which is crucial to your success. Good luck my dear sister.