SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

My SILs are both in the same jobs that they trained for at Uni 30 years ago, both at their current employer for twenty years. I'm intrigued by their experiences, I ask how stuff is going. Think of them when their professions are in the news.
Neither of them ever ask me about my work. I'm pretty certain they think I have been an utterly full time home maker since I persuaded DH to marry me.
What they don't realise is I'm full stamp for pension since 16, I think I only need three more years. I'm 51. I've worked in occupational health in some unique understructure projects, was there at the beginning of internet policies for tv, done some crazy risk assessments. I don't always work a full year. I pick up projects and finish them. I do the house heavy lifting when DH's career needs boosting.
I've had an amazing work history and the family never, ever ask me.

Isn’t it great that even in a forum focused on moms we get to read posts referring to being a stay at home parent as a “life of leisure” and insisting that caring for children doesn’t count as real work?

Cheers, ladies.

My mum calls herself retired and it grates on me. How exactly can you retire from sitting on your arse your entire life? 😤

It’s a hard graft for a few short years. Looking after an average 12 year old for example who is out at school most of the day isn’t a hard graft.
And people who work still have to parent, keep their house clean etc. Some can afford to outsource certain things like cleaning but lots can’t.

Of course it’s work, but it’s not a job, people don’t usually speak of “retiring” from being a SAHM. Usually by retirement age the kids are well into adulthood.

Life 😂

Nice to see all the usual nasty bitchiness aimed at SAHMs, haven’t had a thread about that in a while

Being a nanny is a ‘proper’ job, being a full time mum is the lazy way of not having to work (not my take but definitely some MNers).

I think its worth pointing out that if SAHMs can't say 'retired', then we should say the OP was a 'part time mother'.

I understand, OP. My mother described herself as "retired" at 59 after a lifetime of playing golf and being a lady who lunches. DF retired at 60, as you could back then, after a very full professional life, overseas service in WWII etc.I was still working at 70 when she was 96, still describing herself as "retired" after a "retirement" of 37 years duration.

You are quite right to be irritated, I would be too.

I'm 47 and classed as "retired" and appear to live a cushy life, spending every day at home, reading and doing my hobby of genealogy - but what people don't see or realise is that I have an illness which means I'm in excruciating pain almost 20 hours out of every 24 (the 4 pain free hours are when I'm practically unconscious from my prescription only pain relief).

I'm scared of telling anyone that I'm retired but I don't want to use the term "unemployed" as I was forced out of my career due to this condition and there's such an instant negative reaction towards "unemployed" people.

For years, I'd somehow managed to hide my pain from everyone, including my nearest and dearest and I'm sure some people would have been irritated if I "retired"
Sometimes there are secret sadnesses in other people's lives that others aren't aware of.

Also if she's raised her kids to be decent people, then she's contributed to society.

I was going to say that someone could describe themselves as retired if they don't work and are drawing a state pension, but she's not old enough for that in her late fifties.

I agree that it's odd for someone who has never worked outside the home and is only late fifties to be calling herself retired.

Maybe she means retired from raising kids, if she sees being a SAHM mum as having been her life's work?

Well what is she supposed to say? Your resentment of her being a SAHM is the reason you feel irritated. Hardly a leisure life for many at home.

Oh good grief, live and let live …

Is it me? Am I your SIL?

You find it irritating because you are envious. It's not my fault I haven't had to work as hard or for as long as you. I say I'm retired now because my DH (your brother?) is retired now. Neither of us are in paid employment, we are not on benefits and not intending on looking for work again. We are of an age where, typically, people start to retire. At least the ones who can afford to, anyway.

I'm not quite sure how else I am supposed to describe my working status when asked. What would you suggest?

I think this is your key to inner peace op… forget her life. Just live yours x

Yes, that’s my view - you retire from a job. You surely can’t retire if you haven’t had one!

Exactly, these threads are the worst and so bloody tedious.

People will bitch and deflect as a way to avoid identifying and fixing their own problems. Bleh.

I would say I enjoy working on genealogy and that would inspire interest in what you do with your life. Or be honest and say you have a chronic condition but still gave some interests such as x,y and z

I wondered aswell if it was because you feel you’ve ‘earnt’ retirement, and you feel she hasn’t. Life doesn’t really work like that - retired just means you’re no longer actively working and don’t plan on going back to it for whatever reason.

Well, you could do both. It’s not real work. And children are not children forever.

Edit; wtf is the Cheers, ladies all about? 😂😩

It is a job. My husband and I both work outside of the home and pay others to care for our children during the day, clean our home, do laundry, and make cooking faster for us with a variety of prep work. That work doesn’t magically stop being a job or of equal value and effort if I start doing it myself.

I say this as someone who has always been in paid employment outside of the home… the unpaid labor provided by mostly women is vital to families and society. It is perpetually ignored and devalued because it’s women’s work, and that is in turn used to devalue women.

This thread disgusts me.

Who cares?

Honestly, this is the least thing to care about ever!

Ugh, I didn’t realise the anti-SAHM sentiment had to carry on into retirement (sorry, obviously I mean your retirement, not mine). You mean every time someone asks me if I’m retired in the future, I have to say “Well no, although I’m 75 I’m not technically retired as I never properly worked”? Is it going on my headstone too - “Raspberry Combat 1985-2075 A much-loved mother, although that was literally all she did. Imagine!” ?