SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

How do you think she should describe her working status?

Why do you care? And surely it isn’t up to you to define work? How would you feel is she suggested a childcare setting or a nanny brought your children up? I think rather than pitting women against each other we should support everyone making their own choices.

They have TWO jobs then! Not one. Because I paid someone to do much of this…

God knows I'm far from immune to being irritated by petty nonsense that has no effect on my life, but starting a thread to bitch about these little irritations and initiate a pile-on against women who haven't been in paid work for a good while seems a bit over the top. Are you so insecure that you need the world to recognise your retirement as more valid than hers?

This!

You don't need an employer to have a private pension, pass it on.

Unless she’s the (50 something) woman who lived in a shoe she didn’t spend 30 years looking after her young children.

Giving up your job/career to become an unpaid carer to look after your child with additional needs/SEN/disabilities is not the same thing as described by the OP. I’m not really sure why you tried to involve and compare yourself in this situation!

Lucky her. At her age I will probably say the same in her circumstances instead of having to explain myself. She is retired from being at SAHM as her kids are grown up.

What else would she say?

You seem jealous and like you want people to congratulate you for having 4 kids and working full time.

Enjoy your retirement and stop comparing yourself

I wouldn’t waste your energy thinking about, OP. Yes, she’s very lucky that she hadn’t needed to work, but so are thousands of other people who.are from wealthy backgrounds/have high-earning partners, etc.
It is what it is.

I know someone IRL who’s never had to work, because she (and her sister) have family trust funds. They’ve lived different lives to most people-it is what it is.

I agree, it's hilarious. I mean, how do you respond to "A CAT IS NOT A BABY, I TAKE OFFENSE AT THAT!!!"

What would you prefer? Perennial non-worker??

Fabulous. Another MN thread basically to slag off SAHMs.

Jifmicroliquid · Today 18:36
My friend never worked once she got married in her earlier twenties. It used to annoy me when she talked about ‘pay day’. She meant her husbands pay day (“thank god it’s payday” that kind of thing)
It used to drive me mad for some reason.
well it’s the day the family can afford food, the day bills can be paid etc. ergo payday!

I do understand the OP's point of view.

Perhaps however she just does not know what to call herself and it seems easiest

I'm early fifties and tell people I'm retired. Perhaps I should say 'lady of leisure' but that does not really feel fitting.

I was a high earning professional from leaving uni to mid forties. Then a carer to elderly people till they died. Now thanks to inheritance and no mortgage I don't work. I'm utterly exhausted though mentally and physically from 5 years of caring duties.

When people ask saying 'retired' just seems quicker and easier than explaining the above.

I do get where OP is coming from though.

I have a relative who was a SAHM but did very little housework (based on state of house) and fed kids ready meals. She did however spent 4-6 hours in the gym every day but proclaimed how 'busy' we all were. I have to admit I was a bit taken aback.
(Yes she did have some kind of OCD about dieting and exercising)

I would also find this annoying OP.

I guess you’re thinking ‘retired from what?’. I get it.

If I met her at a party and I asked if she worked and she replied ‘no I’m retired’, the obvious next question would be ‘oh, what did you do?’. I agree you don’t really retire from being a SAHM, worthy use of time though it is, blah blah. I’d just say, no I don’t work.

The elephant in the room is that not many mothers in particular are CHOOSING to kill themselves working full time, and doing another full time job at home raising children and doing all of the chores.
Lots of people are forced into this because they simply can not afford not to.
It’s impossible to have it all. A total myth. And I say that as a mother who works!

The next generation are going to run a mile from parenthood in the future: who is going to sign up to this slog?!

"Lazy" seems more apt.

I'm interested in all your responses, and I am prepared to accept I am being pretty grumpy. I think it's because I assume retired means retired from work. Paid work. I'm more than likely letting my annoyance with her on a range of other issues cloud my view. She has been pretty critical of my work and parenting and considers herself to be a bit of a parenting guru. Drip feed I know. I'll wind my neck in. Thank you all.

So by that logic the only AIBU posts that are valid are people literally breaking the law 🤣

I'm a SAHM, if I didn't go back to work for the next 30 years I'd feel like a cheeky fucker trying to tell people I was retired

She has an ED? Okay.

Quite possibly. But when you work your backside off (plus have a chronic life-limiting illness), it does grate a bit when people sort of make out that they’ve earned their payday money 🤣

@pepperminticecream Dear Lord, you are honestly deluded. 😂 I have no words, you sound like a character from Motherland.

Well that was a drip feed.
Q: Should my SIL criticise my parenting?
A: No.

Do basically you want her to say she is a lady of leisure. Will you do the same if it was the other way round?